The People's Cube - Political Satire

SALEM, OR – Sweeping election reform is coming to Oregon with a landmark bill making the state the first in the nation to conduct elections via e-mail. It is set to be delivered to Governor Kate Brown on Tuesday.

Opponents of the bill vow they will seek an immediate injunction, claiming that the new law will lead to widespread voter fraud. According to Anthony R. Stanisauskas, a prominent opposition leader, the proposed law lacks basic security measures that voting in person or by mail provides.

“That is utter nonsense,” states the technology coordinator for State Senator Peter Courtney. “By providing digital identification and other controls we have the ability to not only determine who has voted, but where, when, and for whom. It is totally secure.”

Supporters point to several benefits of the new law, such as, immediate census data, statewide email emergency alerts, and others. According to Jesse Barger with Oregonians for Environmental Responsibility, switching to electronic balloting will save thousands of trees, reduce the State's carbon footprint, and save millions of dollars in election costs.

A spokesperson for Kate Brown stated that the Governor is going to sign the bill into law electronically, adding more symbolism to the event.

I'm told this is being funded by a Prince from Nigeria...

It's about time, komrades. The Peoples Republik of Oregonistan should be kommended for such a progressive aktion! I am hoping for a change like this nation-wide, as this will end racist voting laws and ensure that the korrekt kandidates get elekted.

Just think how simple it will now be to korrektly vote early and vote often! One vote from your rocketmail akkount, one from your gmail akkount, one from your yahoo akkount, etc. Why, you can even vote from overseas as well!

Of kourse, everything is "safe" and "sekure" with the NSA and Justice Ministry monitoring the email servers. Think of all the fraudulently-kast Rethuglikkkan votes that will be diskovered and eliminated! Best of all, think of how easy it will be to dispatch the KGB police to Rethuglikkkan voters' homes for the traditional 3am battering ram on the front door wake up call. FORWARD!

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Warren Peas wrote:

According to Jesse Barger with Oregonians for Environmental Responsibility, switching to electronic balloting will save thousands of trees, reduce the State's carbon footprint and save millions of dollars in election costs.

Kom Rads, this is untenable. The Party has designated me not only as Remover of Limbs but also as shredder of unqualified votes (all non Party votes). This duty must not be removed from good Party Citizens and owners of saws such as myself. Only the Party can provide useful employment. The tried and true methods of ballot stuffing, electronic fraud and intimidation at the polling place and the Party distribution of Walking monies and goods to encourage korrect voting must not be abandoned. The Party must continue to bribe interact personally with our good Kom Rads on the street.[attachment=0]vote once.jpg

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I don't know what kind of an algorithm Google Search™ uses but it is fast, accurate, and intuitive!
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Comrade Putout wrote:.
I don't know what kind of an algorithm Google Search™ uses but it is fast, accurate, and intuitive!

How come Google didn't mention that Anthony works in the grocery store? It may be fast, but it's not what you could call movin' out.

Google posting pages posted 1 hour from now. Now that's what I call progressive!!!!

I knew someone could put Hillary's email server to good use, now that she's done clearing hard drive space from it.