The People's Cube - Political Satire

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We should salute the United Kingdom for its timely and apt discussion about how the typical Capitalistic, non-single-parented, heterosexist and overly-wealth family DESTROYS the IQ and PUTS POOR CHILDREN AT A DISADVANTAGE, particularly their attachment to that vile accoutrement of the pre-pre-pre college preparatory kind, THE BEDTIME STORY.

Yes, while Junior and Little Emma are spellbound hearing the adventures of Mowgli or Robinson Crusoe or the Pokey Little Puppy on your knee, poor children just miles away have to go to sleep with the sound of police killing black youths and mom turning tricks in the other room. What chance, I ask you, do THEY have for a head start on their education???? After all, surely the only literature in each little hovel there is Marx's "Das Kapital" and Penthouse....neither of which makes great reading to kids.

What can we do to SAVE THE POOR AND UN-READ-TO CHILDREN???? The answer is simple, Comrades. The rich and well-to-do have to stop telling their children bedtime stories. Then, and only then, will the playing field be equal.

I know what you're going to say. I can predict your argument, which no doubt is, "Don't the 1 percent-ers have enough time to go down to the less genteel neighborhoods and read to the poor children?" Well, of course they do! But those less genteel neighborhoods are now being run by important Democrat politicians! What if the 1 per-cent came to read stories, and told the children of their ability to achieve some of the goals that the bold characters of the story have? How unfair to put nonsensical dreams in their head....and threaten to rid the neighborhood, 18 or 19 years from now, of Democrat voters?????

In fact, eradicating bedtime stories for ALL children is just a starting point. Wealthy children...or even those less poor than others...have SO many advantages, and by taking away each of them we can ensure poor children stay poor, and that the next generation of these book-mad families will become poor...hopefully, even more Democrat voters, faithful to their government and content to be dependent on them for their very welfare.

What about...vacations, for example? How many poor children have been outside the city, ever? Why not trap ALL children into nondescript hovels for two weeks in lieu of traveling to Mt. Rushmore, grandma's place in Upper Michigan, or - Lenin forbid - Disney World! While they're there they can get lectures from SEIU about how the rich are at fault for their being stuck there.

And helping mom and dad in the kitchen and around the house? Studies show the little piggy children of the middle and upper classes benefit in development by being able to mimic what mom and dad are doing. Although in fact, it really breeds INDEPENDENCE and BONDING within the family, both of which clearly threaten the road to next Tuesday.

Britain takes the lead in denouncing the bedtime story, but it's not too late for those of us across the pond to take it upon ourselves to tear the advantaged down.

We can no longer tolerate triers improving their lives at the expense of the non-triers. This book must be banned!

Dedhedvedev wrote:We can no longer tolerate triers improving their lives at the expense of the non-triers. This book must be banned!

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Tovarisch Dedhedvedev!

Our book-burning bonfires must be huge to rid children of the nightmare of self-sufficiency!

There are many titles that must be purged:

And, of course, we are fully aware of what we should read to kiddies at bedtime, if anything at all:

Comrades! Why denounce the bedtime story? Why not write new ones featuring Eternally Holy Communist Truths? It is, after all, a great vehicle to teach the young ones about Communism and the State. It also gets them to recognize that the state equals peace, safety, and love.

A People's Bedtime Story
Written by Comrade Stierlitz.

Once there was a small Comrade. His name was Nikolai. Nikolai was born to a good family that worked tirelessly for the state. They would help the State grow beautiful and healthy beets and grains. Nikolai, since he was young, went to the State School, where he learned about the glories of Communism, Marx, and Lenin. Since he was a good comrade who wanted to help his country succeed, he studied for a long time every day. His country was so much better because he studied every day, and he became a good little Communist, just as the State would want it. But, one day, a band of Capitalists came to his town. They were spies who pretended to be Communists, and everybody but little Nikolai accepted the act. Nikolai, since he studied so well, knew that there was something not right with the Capitalist scoundrels. On his days off from school, when he would usually help his family in the Farms, he instead got Party Permission to spy on the spies. He found out that they lived just two houses down from him, so he hid outside their windows with an audio recorder he got from the Party. He spied for weeks and weeks, he recorded in the hot sun and the blistering cold, but he knew that his struggle was to help the State, and that it was his duty to help the State. After a while, he took all of his recordings and notes to the Party, which accepted them happily and gave him a nice, shiny medal. Soon, the Party caught the Capitalist scoundrels trying to steal things from the State. They were sent to the Gulag like Capitalists should, the State is better, and little Nikolai had articles written about him in both Pravda and Izvestia. And even today, there are no more Capitalists in little Nikolai's neighborhood, and everybody sleeps softly and easy under the loving protection of the State.

A capital...er Anti-Capital Idea Comrade Sterlitz. If I may say so, we might find great examples already extant in the children's books of the tragically fallen Soviet Union. Here, preserved by our comrades ina tribute to that great country, is for example an except from a 7th grade book meant to teach young comrades English (the better to spy upon and subvert sinister imperial plans):

TOM, THE LITTLE CHIMNEY SWEEP

from "The Water-Babies"
by Charles Kingsley [1819-1875]

Once there was a little chimney-sweep and his name was Tom. He lived in a great town in the North of England, where there were many chimneys. So there was always work for Tom and his master, Mr. Grimes. Of course Tom never spent the money that he got for chimney-sweeping; it was Mr. Grimes who spent it.
Tom could not read and he could not write. He never washed for there was no water in the street where he lived. So his hands and face and clothes were always black with soot.

He cried half of his life.

Here is more of this fine example of Soviet editing of an English book, exposing the slimy underbelly of Capitalism.
You may be interested in the original original English story, which is printed underneath the textbook excerpt....but probably not.

Konservative_Punk wrote:

Princess Bride Kulaks.jpg

As.....Obama.....wishes!!!!!!

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:Comrades! Why denounce the bedtime story? Why not write new ones featuring Eternally Holy Communist Truths? It is, after all, a great vehicle to teach the young ones about Communism and the State. It also gets them to recognize that the state equals peace, safety, and love.

A People's Bedtime Story
Written by Comrade Stierlitz.

Once there was a small Comrade. His name was Nikolai. Nikolai was born to a good family that worked tirelessly for the state. They would help the State grow beautiful and healthy beets and grains. Nikolai, since he was young, went to the State School, where he learned about the glories of Communism, Marx, and Lenin. Since he was a good comrade who wanted to help his country succeed, he studied for a long time every day. His country was so much better because he studied every day, and he became a good little Communist, just as the State would want it. But, one day, a band of Capitalists came to his town. They were spies who pretended to be Communists, and everybody but little Nikolai accepted the act. Nikolai, since he studied so well, knew that there was something not right with the Capitalist scoundrels. On his days off from school, when he would usually help his family in the Farms, he instead got Party Permission to spy on the spies. He found out that they lived just two houses down from him, so he hid outside their windows with an audio recorder he got from the Party. He spied for weeks and weeks, he recorded in the hot sun and the blistering cold, but he knew that his struggle was to help the State, and that it was his duty to help the State. After a while, he took all of his recordings and notes to the Party, which accepted them happily and gave him a nice, shiny medal. Soon, the Party caught the Capitalist scoundrels trying to steal things from the State. They were sent to the Gulag like Capitalists should, the State is better, and little Nikolai had articles written about him in both Pravda and Izvestia. And even today, there are no more Capitalists in little Nikolai's neighborhood, and everybody sleeps softly and easy under the loving protection of the State.

Tovarisch Stierlitz!

The problem is that we must not read a bedtime story to some while others are deprived of the opportunity!

Of course this can easily be solved by the State replacing parental units with a People's Nursery.

Then we could all write Kollektivist bedtime stories such as your Stirling example:

"The Littlest Kommissar"

Nikita was on his way to State Elementary School #6.

Anatoly was mean and threw rocks at Nikita as he walked. This made Nikita angry and when he got to class he stood up at his desk and pointed to Anatoly and said:

"I over-heard Anatoly denounce our Dear Leader, he is an Enemy of The State!"

Large men in suits lifted Anatoly bodily from his desk and took him away.

Then it was recess time and Anna took the swing seat that little Nikita had reserved for himself. Nikita screeched in his loudest voice:

"I saw Anna's family stealing extra beet rations from the Kollektivist store last night! She is a depleter of State resources and an Enemy of The State!"

Large men in suits carried Anna away and arrested her entire family.

At lunch, Nikita heard Ivan complain about the limp beet slices. Nikita's voice was tired and he simply said:

"Enemy of The State!"

Soon, Ivan was taken kicking and screaming too.

Then, that afternoon, the teacher gave Nikita his graded paper on socialist history. A big red "F" letter besmirched little Nikita's paper. Nikita clutched his paper and tearfully cried:

"Enemy of The State!"

And the men in the suits took the teacher away too (but not before clubbing her twice)

The moral, little ones is to never mess with your local Politikal Kommissar's kid. The End.

You have a gift, Comrade Uberdave. A real gift.

Kipling, in particular, is not acceptable fare for a child! Do not be fooled by "The Jungle Book." After expurgation and rewriting it was turned into fit material for a Disney movie, but "How the Leopard Got His Spots" causes misery and repression.

Then the Ethiopian Proud African-Americanput his five fingers close together (there was plenty of black left on his new skin still) and pressed them all over the Leopard, and wherever the five fingers touched they left five little black marks, all close together. You can see them on any Leopard's skin you like, Best Beloved. Sometimes the fingers slipped and the marks got a little blurred; but if you look closely at any Leopard now you will see that there are always five spots--off five fat black finger-tips.

'Now you are a beauty politically correct!' said the EthiopianProud African-American. 'You can lie out on the bare ground and look like a heap of pebbles. You can lie out on the naked rocks and look like a piece of pudding-stone. You can lie out on a leafy branch and look like sunshine sifting through the leaves; and you can lie right across the centre of a path and look like nothing in particular. Think of that and purr!'

'But if I'm all this,' said the Leopard, 'why didn't you go spotty too?'

'Oh, plain black's best for a n***r Proud African-American,' said the Ethiopian Proud African-American. 'Now come along and we'll see if we can't get even with Mr. One-Two-Three-Where's-your-Breakfast Republican Oppressor!'

So they went away and lived happily ever afterward, Best Beloved. That is all.

From an earlier thread - Abolish the family. For The Children.

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:

Konservative_Punk wrote:

Princess Bride Kulaks.jpg

As.....Obama.....wishes!!!!!!

"As 'The Collective' wishes." may be a more appropriate response. Comrade Dear Leader Barack is merely a servant of the collective, selflessly doing the will of the people he serves.


HEIL HILLARY!™ ...or was it HEIL HILLARITY?

Well, what about Tommy the Little Red Truck?

Pamalinsky wrote:Well, what about Tommy the Little Red Truck?

Tommy the Truck.jpg

Tom's a dickhead, I don't know about other Comrades but I don't like to talk much about him. Used to be a nice truck but then he decided to go and crash into the foster home after a case of Bud and a few shots of Jack Daniels. Didn't help that he was a Dodge Dart either, he refuses to say how he became a truck.

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:You have a gift, Comrade Uberdave. A real gift.

I'll be in town all week, Dear Komrade Ivanova...

Comrades,
Whom among you has the time to perpetuate this unfair practice?

After spending all day in the beet fields and working the beet press and the beet vodka distillery, KAMMERAT_X simply do not have the strength to abuse the learn system in such a fashion. We all know that it is not our responsibility to read to the children, because the children belong to the collective. Only the sanctioned instructors from the Ministry of Truth department of the Youth League can teach. All else is thoughtcrime and against the Party ™ . All books are not to be kept in the domicile, but must be surrendered for burning or placement in the collective area as examples of contraband.

I'll be seeing you



What frigin nonsensical rubbish is this. Teachers are there to ASSIST the parents in educating the child. This is an example of socialism gone wild. The failed school system and the government that supports them, doesn't want to look bad so all children must be equally stupid. That is exactly what "No child left behind" and all these other wasteful and corrupt legislative "investments" are about.
What a frigin joke.

Kommissar Uberdave wrote:

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:You have a gift, Comrade Uberdave. A real gift.

I'll be in town all week, Dear Komrade Ivanova...

Meet me behind the tractor barn tomorrow at 7 pm. Bring your copy of Das Kapital, Freud's "Interpretation of Dreams" and the DSM 5. I will be happy to give you a free, ahem, evaluation.

Don't tell anyone at the Cube.

[img]images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]Thanks to Red Square...I assume I am in debt to you for the new illustration in my first post.