The People's Cube - Political Satire

Hillary advisor Billy Shaheen died mysteriously after apologizing for remarks that hinted at Barak Obama's former drug use. After presciently and deftly blaming Republicans for comments they might make about Barak Obama in the future, Shaheen was ordered to resign. Shaheen stepped down as one of Hillary's closest advisors saying, “I deeply regret the comments I made today and they were not authorized by the campaign in any way."

Witnesses to the event said they were saddened by the resignation, but astonished to see Mr. Shaheen begin to levitate while tugging desperately at his collar. “It's like nothing I've ever seen,” said a bystander, “his face turned red, and then he fell down on the floor right in front of me. The EMTs said he died of asphyxiation.”

James Carville dismissed the event saying there was nothing suspicious or unusual about Shaheen's sudden demise. Said Carville, “When you've been around the Clintons as long as ah have, you see dis stuff happenin' all de time. Besides, dere's more important issues to talk about, like Barak being a Muslim! Y'all here dat!? The man's a Muslim! Now just think a moment what Republicans can do wit' dat in the gen'ral ‘lection. Dey gonna ask, “Hey Obama! Izit true you a Muslim!? How long you been beatin' yer wife? You gonna teach kindergartners t'be suicide bombers? You gonna make my wife wear one o' dem burkhas?” Dese are some serious issues, folks, and the ‘merican people have a right to know what dey're gonna get if dey elect a Muslim for prezdent.”

Mrs. Clinton was attending a focus group briefing and was not available for comment.

I bet the focus group's name was "Controlling your Inner Force: The Dark Side Makes You Powerful".

Perhaps it was an accident? I bet his tie just got caught up in Her Majesty's Hill O Copter as it was taking off to deliver needed subsidies in Iowa... For the Children™.

Excellent response! We shall <s>notify</s> humbly suggest on all fours with our faces to the earth to the Goddess that <s>she must</s> if She desires, She may deliver a eulogy for Shaheen, have Bill act as one of his pall bearers (somebody needs to watch him to keep him from yucking it up at a funeral when cameras are rolling; the capitalist criminal who runs America has his minions everywhere), and quote him in Her best Massachusetts accent (like the last time when She amazed us with her masterful delivery in a Southern accent that was so authentic it astonished everyone below the Mason-Dixon line).

Indeed, a eulogy would show Her to be both presidential and compassionate. I will direct the NYT to cover it under the headline of Hillary Masters Emotion in Stirring Shaheen Eulogy.

Let's see, so far we have...
•Done away with an extraneous campaign aid (of course, everybody is disposable before the Goddess)
•Made it appear that the ECA went willingly, gladly sacrificing himself for the Goddess
•Shown the Goddess to be a strong leader, that is to say, presidential
•Shown the Goddess to be warm and caring

It's a go. All we need now are people to testify to the presence of the Hill O Copter. The Chairman should be sufficiently recovered from his ordeal by now; I say we nominate him. If he's unavailable, then I suggest we get Farrakhan to allege that he saw the Hill O Copter ascend to the Mother Wheel and snag Shaheen's tie on lift off.