The People's Cube - Political Satire

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Since there have been ever-increasing reports of rogue directors deciding to create their own forms of media, it's important that we establish proper guidelines for writing Party-Approved Narratives. Fortunately, the Progressive Institute for Societal Speech and the Center for Revision of Articulation Platforms have come together to release a helpful go-to guide for just this sort of thing. If you're hoping to present a script to your locally designated media official, be sure that it first receives an acceptable score on the test below.

Total scores will be tallied and judged. You have been warned.

What is the yearly income of your main protagonist?

• $0- $40,000 +2
  
• Has a lot of money, but devotes a significant portion to reducing climate change +4
  
• $40,000- $125,000 -1
  
• Obviously rich and evil, like Mitt Romney -4

What is the protagonist's sexual orientation?

• Gay/Lesbian +3
  
• Bisexual +2
  
• Pansexual/Other +1 or +4, depending on color of hair
  
• Asexual +0
  
• Heterosexual -3

Who is the villain in the film?

• Evil businessman/capitalist +4
  
• Oppressive white Christians +3
  
• Anyone else -1
  
• Islamic terrorists -5

What is the main character's religion?

• Islam +4
  
• Followers of the Cher (A group which follows the teaching of Cher's twitter page) +3
  
• Atheist +2
  
• Other +1
  
• Jewish -4
  
• Christian -4

What about gender?

• Trans +3
  
• Woman +2
  
• Pajamaboy +1
  
• Male -2
  
• Sean Penn +5

What does the film explore?

• Questions traditional gender roles and occupational wage disparities +4
  
• The struggles against capitalist exploitation, the corrupting influence of business +3
  
• A person's journey through self-exploration and their quest for sexual identity +3
  
• Follows traditional movie structure, dynamic growth of characters -1
  
• Hero shoots the bad guys, blows up their base, gets the girl -3
  
• Hero shoots the bad-guys, blows up their base, but refuses to get the girl as it would reinforce gender stereotypes +2

What percentage of people in the film are composed of racial minorities?

• 50% or more +4
  
• Pretty much every third person +1
  
• Realistic sample of the local population -3

Are there any companions to the main character?

• A polar bear whose home was destroyed by the evil capitalists +3
  
• A team of dedicated Code Pink types who identify with the character's struggles +2
  
• "Freedom lovers," Tea Party members, Republicans, people with guns, etc. -5

Hey look, a television's on and your protagonist stops to take a look. What's on it?

• MSNBC/CNN/NBC +3
  
• Bill Maher +2
  
• Documentary on climate change +2
  
• Fox News -4
  
• Anything that makes an ironic comparison to the movie's current situation -1

Now, add up your scores and see where your prospective script lands.

• 21 or more: Congratulations! You're script has been accepted and will be picked up by one of our directors momentarily!
  
• 15-21: Pending approval, may need some work, but will be accepted if turned in along with a thick brown envelope.
  
• 11-14: Did you even try? Rewrite and then submit again.
  
• 5-10: The Party looks on your script in mild disapproval.
  
• Less than 5: Ok, you're obviously either a capitalist infiltrator or are attempting to film a movie with a traditional premise. Get out before we call the secret police.

Follow this simple guide and you may just avoid the torrential storm which is the Tumblr/Twitter Legion of Destruction.

Excellent work, Comrade Sovremennyy! It seems we've been watching the same movies!

Why do I get the feeling we're moving a bit too fast?

Our theaters needn't become vomitoriums. More subtlety is needed, comrades.

Congrats, Comrade Sovremennyy! Your insight into the Current Truth has been promoted to the Mother Page!

Pending the People's Hero award, you are now eligible for an increase of beet vodka rations and a shovel upgrade to version 8.1 in the next Five Year Plan.

Dedhedvedev wrote:Why do I get the feeling we're moving a bit too fast?

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Our theaters needn't become vomitoriums. More subtlety is needed, comrades.

Ah, yes. I distinctly remember the day I watched Speed Racer in theaters. Can't say it was the best decision, but there was probably something in my system which needed evacuation anyway.

On another note, I'm excited for the upgrade to shovel OS 8.1 in the near future, I never understood why they removed the start button and made everything more difficult to find.

Here's an example of the lack of subtlety that's exposing our agenda, noticed by a movie viewer.

This film is hilariously awful. We've had 9/11, the London subway bombings, the Lisbon bombings, and just lately, the Boston Marathon bombers. Not ONE of them was a right wing conservative, but if you watch this trite piece of crap that's the only kind of conservative there is. Everyone involved with this film should be embarrassed, but Hollywood libs know no shame.

Slight korrection to one of your bullets (sorry if the b-word is a micro-aggression).

"Has a lot of money, but devotes a significant portion to reducing climate change endlessly lectures the masses about impending climate change doom from the comfort of his private jet (or mega-yacht)"

Dedhedvedev wrote: This film is hilariously awful. We've had 9/11, the London subway bombings, the Lisbon bombings, and just lately, the Boston Marathon bombers. Not ONE of them was a right wing conservative, but if you watch this trite piece of crap that's the only kind of conservative there is. Everyone involved with this film should be embarrassed, but Hollywood libs know no shame.

Nowadays we try to assign labels to them like Right-Wing, Left-Wing, Terrorist, Conservative, Liberal, and everybody has different labels based on what they think, but back then we only had one name for these people: Crazy. And we never debated on what to do with them, we sent them straight down to the jailhouse or the nuthouse. But now, with the rise of political correctness, we just can't send nuts to the nuthouse and crooks to the jail, we're told we need to consider their feelings. As if somebody who murdered his wife or stole a few million from a bank is mentally healthy enough to have a functioning, sane emotional construct.

There are loads of nuts in this world. Sometimes one cracks, and the stuff inside comes out and makes a big mess. Sand the nuts to the nuthouse, and it's like cracking them over a trashcan, rather than having them make a mess of a school or other public place.

As for the movie, if you didn't know that Hollywood has a left-wing liberal bias you're about as stupid as a pile of dirt. Just look at their newest offerings for kids and you'll see loads of political agenda being peddled. Watch some of their newest political offerings with a skeptical mind and you'll see the same thing. If you want to see some good libertarian or right-wing cinema you either have to watch the right TV channels (that have to be requested specifically and paid for ala carte") at a horrendous time in the morning or have to order a DVD/VHS from an independent site and wait a week or so for it to arrive.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Dedhedvedev wrote: This film is hilariously awful. We've had 9/11, the London subway bombings, the Lisbon bombings, and just lately, the Boston Marathon bombers. Not ONE of them was a right wing conservative, but if you watch this trite piece of crap that's the only kind of conservative there is. Everyone involved with this film should be embarrassed, but Hollywood libs know no shame.

I didn't say that, the person who saw the movie said that.

Dedhedvedev wrote:

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Dedhedvedev wrote: This film is hilariously awful. We've had 9/11, the London subway bombings, the Lisbon bombings, and just lately, the Boston Marathon bombers. Not ONE of them was a right wing conservative, but if you watch this trite piece of crap that's the only kind of conservative there is. Everyone involved with this film should be embarrassed, but Hollywood libs know no shame.

I didn't say that, the person who saw the movie said that.

Comrade Sovremennyy wrote:Since there have been ever-increasing reports of rogue directors deciding to create their own forms of media, it's important that we establish proper guidelines for writing Party-Approved Narratives. Fortunately, the Progressive Institute for Societal Speech and the Center for Revision of Articulation Platforms have come together to release a helpful go-to guide for just this sort of thing. If you're hoping to present a script to your locally designated media official, be sure that it first receives an acceptable score on the test below.


Follow this simple guide and you may just avoid the torrential storm which is the Tumblr/Twitter Legion of Destruction.

But what about the Marxist Dialectic? Shouldn't each film be in itself an illustration of the Marxist Dialectic? (I don't really know what that means, I just heard it once.)

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BRAVO!!!!

Kelly Ivanovna/келя ивановна wrote:But what about the Marxist Dialectic? Shouldn't each film be in itself an illustration of the Marxist Dialectic? (I don't really know what that means, I just heard it once.)

I think an example of dialectic is that conversation about race former USAG Eric Holder wanted to have where we get to call teabaggers racists and then cover our ears and say la la la la la la la la la la la...

People are beginning to see our pseudo-reality as phony. Here Bill Whittle dissects George Clooney's new film Tomorrowland:

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:

And I propose a low-budget submission filmed in a school notorious for its right wing values (which I have successfully infiltrated). I only ask that you forgive the occasional heterosexual overtones, I seek to subvert their values incrementally...

Komissar al-Blogunov,

Craptek's Movie Review Division is pleased to present the prestigious, esteemed, and really neat Four-Tails-Up Award for your gloriously inspirational portrayal of life as it should be, can be, and - Marx willing - WILL BE Next Tuesday!

Captain Craptek wrote:

Komissar al-Blogunov wrote:

And I propose a low-budget submission filmed in a school notorious for its right wing values (which I have successfully infiltrated). I only ask that you forgive the occasional heterosexual overtones, I seek to subvert their values incrementally...

Komissar al-Blogunov,

Craptek-4Stars.png

Craptek's Movie Review Division is pleased to present the prestigious, esteemed, and really neat Four-Tails-Up Award for your gloriously inspirational portrayal of life as it should be, can be, and - Marx willing - WILL BE Next Tuesday!

I agree, that film really hit the spot. Very satisfying, very nice. Although, I wonder what this VHS tape'll do to my body, guess we'll find out.

That's the advantage of teaching in school where you have a little more freedom of expression.