The People's Cube - Political Satire

With all the glorious denouncing going on today, I wanted to have a little positivity. I had an epiphany yesterday... an Okphiphany if you will. Allow me to set the stage...

It was Tuesday and here in the People's Paradise of Virginia it was about as hot as a boil on the Devils ass. The person I work for drives me insane, which is a short trip already. She likes to be hot, she's cheap. She doesn't like turning on the a/c. Her idea of a/c on max is opening the door and turning on the one fan. The windows don't open, the fan is best described as flaccid. I am silently contemplating stabbing her with scissors. I finally convince her to turn on a/c which, I dunno... DOESN'T REALLY WORK and she's too cheap to fix it. It's already a few degrees cooler than the surface of the sun and there's no way the unit is cooling a damn thing. She is oblivious to heat.

Then it happened... Thinking back I think it was the point where I sweated out all the other pesky fluids and my body became a distillery. My blood was pure beet vodka. And then I realized.... she's not a pain in my ass. She really cares about me! She isn't too cheap to run the a/c, she cares about this planet! She's trying to save the ozone from CFCs and fossil fuels! She isn't being oblivious to my heat stroke, she was making sure I was drinking enough beet vodka, and my heart was getting a good workout! She was helping me maintain a healthy weight! She wants me to live to be an old woman!

Someone caring this much about me hit me with such profound feelings! If not for my black heart and absent soul, I'm sure I would've cried years of beet vodka.

Comrades, while we spend our days banning and condemning... we need to also realize how fortunate we are!

Such a small sacrifice to bring us that much closer to Next Tuesday ™!

Comrade Binary wrote:Such a small sacrifice to bring us that much closer to Next Tuesday ™!

Tovarisch Binary!

...If every one in the Kollektive™ could have an Okpiphany™ we might all see the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ before the weekend!

Dasvidaniya everybody!

The gift my co worker gave me yesterday is priceless, but I brought a small gift in to show my gratitude. There is a place that sells gourmet miniature pies we've been wanting to try. I brought her a boston cream pie. She had all her top teeth pulled yesterday, so she wss unable to eat it. I stepped up and took one for the team...since the pie won't last long here in the 13th circle of hell..I had to eat hers. I did my best to be as descriptive as possible. It was worth every calorie. I'm so glad I was able to thank her property. Its nice having friends.

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:The gift my co worker gave me yesterday is priceless, but I brought a small gift in to show my gratitude. There is a place that sells gourmet miniature pies we've been wanting to try. I brought her a boston cream pie. She had all her top teeth pulled yesterday, so she wss unable to eat it. I stepped up and took one for the team...since the pie won't last long here in the 13th circle of hell..I had to eat hers. I did my best to be as descriptive as possible. It was worth every calorie. I'm so glad I was able to thank her property. Its nice having friends.

You should thank Stalin she didn't remove some of your teeth to equalize the distribution of pain. Still, it's the thought that counts.

You're right, Oksana! Gratitude has been overlooked lately. Just look at the picture I took yesterday at the Party headquarters.

Now, the situation would be different if the sign said not simply "Gratitude," but "Gratitude to the Party, the State, and its glorious leadership."

Esteemed Oksana,

I wept with joy as I read the delightful description of your Okpihany and the touching tale of your expression of gratitude.

Then I remembered the wisdom of Stalin: Gratitude is a disease of dogs. So I guess I have to add one more to the stack of denouncements.

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote:Esteemed Oksana,

I wept with joy as I read the delightful description of your Okpihany and the touching tale of your expression of gratitude.

Then I remembered the wisdom of Stalin: Gratitude is a disease of dogs. So I guess I have to add one more to the stack of denouncements.

Red Salmon

Ah yes, the words of great man of wisdom. However should we become a kindler, gentler kollective and save the denouncing for those who need it? We can always turn on each other like a pack of pirhanas later.Gratitude for the reminder.

OksanaTheTerrible wrote:

Red Salmon wrote:Esteemed Oksana,

I wept with joy as I read the delightful description of your Okpihany and the touching tale of your expression of gratitude.

Then I remembered the wisdom of Stalin: Gratitude is a disease of dogs. So I guess I have to add one more to the stack of denouncements.

Red Salmon

Ah yes, the words of great man of wisdom. However should we become a kindler, gentler kollective and save the denouncing for those who need it? We can always turn on each other like a pack of pirhanas later.Gratitude for the reminder.

Congratulations Comrade the Terrible. You have successfully quoted another comrade. I always believed in you. I will recommend you for recognition by the Party for your momentous achievement. Your tenacity should be hailed as a model for all of our quote challenged comrades.

Red Square wrote:You're right, Oksana! Gratitude has been overlooked lately. Just look at the picture I took yesterday at the Party headquarters.

Denouncements_Gratitude.jpg

Now, the situation would be different if the sign said not simply "Gratitude," but "Gratitude to the Party, the State, and its glorious leadership."

I believe, if we were to pay The People™ to be grateful, they would be much more gracious. Kind of like paying them to vote. Plus, that would give us an excuse to raise taxes on the greedy, ungrateful and miserly rich.