6/29/2015, 2:47 pm
“The proud hard-working men and women of our noble land,” he proudly proclaimed, “which invented democracy and yoghurt, will not surrender to the capitalist merchants of poverty and creditworthiness. We have triumphed over the Teutonic Brünhildas who tried to humiliate us, to crush our spirit and reduce us to slavery, just as we triumphed at the battle of Thermopylae. Greece will survive forever!”
Prime Minister Tsipras noted that the massive exodus of third-world migrants from Greek cities to the countries left behind in the EU has accelerated.
“Every single day, thousands of barbarians are packing up their fake Luis Vuitton handbags and heading north to try to sell them in the lands of cold winters and cold people," he said. "Our welfare budget has been reduced by 90% and we have made thousands of park benches available so that our own Greek youth can move out of their parents' homes and start their productive lives as dedicated civil servants before they retire on fat pensions next year. Greece has triumphed again!”
Tsipras denied rumors that everyone under the age of sixty is leaving Greece as well. “Turkish propaganda,” he said, shutting his suitcase. “Arrivederci,” he added as he walked out the door.
