The People's Cube - Political Satire

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CHATTANOOGA, TN – Four United States Marines were killed when an apparent lone wolf gun attacked two military sites in Chattanooga, Tennessee, on Thursday. According to the FBI, the gun also murdered 24-year old peace-loving resident and sometime neighborhood dog walker Mohammod “Mo” Youssuf Abdulazeez.

Government sources confirmed that the gun was not on any watch list, and does not appear to have been aided. Investigators "have not determined whether it was an act of terrorism or whether it was a criminal act," Edward Reinfold, FBI special agent in charge, told reporters. "We are looking at every possible avenue, but all appearances indicate that a lone wolf gun overpowered Mo, and under threat of death forced him to assist in these deadly acts."

According to Reinfold, the shootings unfolded at two sites over 30 minutes. Eye witnesses reported that the suspected gun used Mo's hand, and possibly his arm, to spray bullets at a strip mall military recruiting center around 10:45 am ET. From there, the gun apparently took Mo to another location more than seven miles away, a U.S. Navy operational support center, where it again used him to kill four victims and himself.

As Commander-in-Chief, President Obama was quick to respond to the tragedy, vowing that such gun violence would not be tolerated.

“Let me be clear,” began the President, “while our nation grieves over the loss of Mo and these honored Marines, rest assured that we are taking steps to ensure that such a tragedy can never happen again. I have already directed [Attorney General] Loretta [Lynch] to compile a list of all guns known to be within the territory of the United States, and place them under surveillance.”

In addition, the President promised reparations. “We, now, make a solemn commitment that the families of these brave servicemen will be cared for, and also that long-overdue concessions will be made to any who share Mo's passions.” Concluded the President, “[l]et us never forget that Mo's life matters. God bless America.”

An apologist's life is not easy, especially if you are a journalist ...

What I'd like to know is how a lone gun got into a gun-free zone. Was it unaware of the policy? It was posted right on the door. I guess technically, the gun never entered the premises, but the bullets did. There was no sign prohibiting bullets from entering the property, so it was probably just a freak accident. Nothing to see here. Move along.

I wonder if the Peace Symbol (as in Religion of Peace), Crescent and Star, or ISIS flag will be banned from flying on government property?

Lone Wolf!? What about Bear? Deer? Cheetah? Elephant? By you assuming that it was a WOLF you are being SPECIESIST! You might as well get down to the rail depot right now and avoid the hassle.

Guns are dangerous just like SUVs are dangerous. If guns and SUVs were banned, nobody would ever die a State unapproved death. Remember, comrades, that is what is important.

Let's not forget what Dear Leader has to say about those who would slander the Prophet:



What's the current punishment for those who believe that this Muhammad characters' Muslim beliefs have anything to do with this matter?

Comrades, this is easy.

If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck, and swims like a duck, and flies like a duck, and lays eggs like a duck,




If you call it a DUCK, you are a hate-mongering racist on a high horse.

Questions? Anybody? Yes, you in the back....

Can we just put aside any emotional response and address this as just “Workplace Security Violence ™ ”, since all you warmongering neocons just want to justify the murder an alleged Muslim suspect. We all know that Tennessee is home to the fastest growing immigrant populations in the country, and thankfully the United States admits roughly 100,000 Muslims a year and 6.2 million in the next two decades. Certainly, the current level of political discourse overlooks the “innocent until proven guilty” concept and everyone is too quick to judge when this just could be a felony misdemeanor.

Comrades, the fallout from quick judgment will forever destroy hours and hours of video tapes documenting the brutality and torture of innocent Muslim terrorists as well as prisoners at US government facilities, depriving progressives and other candidate's excellent campaign material in order to justify our immigration policies and future Democrat voters. It also deprives court appointed ACLU defense attorneys many hours of preparations and insuring that the alleged victim will post bail and have him released so that they can prepare a lawsuit against America's misguided belief system.


I applaud dear leaders attempt to conduct the current level in a fashion that is as nonpartisan as possible, after all does a society that sanctions war on innocent Muslim terrorists and the capture of innocent Muslim terrorists for the sake of preservation really deserves to exist?

The name of poor Mohammed Abdul-Aziiz, an American Citizens out for a walk one morning (at this point, what difference does it make?) was released right away to prove the innocence of the religion of peace.

The victims of the shooting were military, and are therefore hostile to Islam and shall remain unnamed.
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In contrast, the names of the black victims of the church shooting in Charleston were released immediately.

I heard that all he was doing was trying to go to the local mini-mart for some skittles...

As a Marine I can say we will not forget, and we're not a group you'd want pissed off at you. Semper Fi to my fallen brothers, and to those who try to harm us..we'll be seeing you in hell. Promise.