The People's Cube - Political Satire

Everybody knows that the People's Cube is gloriously red, which is politically correct and compliant with the Current Truth. It's impossible to imagine today what it would look like with all the confusing unequal colors. Imagining such a thing is unnecessary and inadvisable. All you need to know is that it's equally red.

All squares are equal, and all players are equal. Nobody is too smart, nobody is too slow. Guaranteed equality of results. A favorite game of progressive elites. A symbol of fairness and painless existence. Approved by the Teachers Union. A model for progressive education reform: no more failing grades. And it's colorblind-friendly. In short, nobody's a boob with the People's Cube!

But it hasn't always been that way. In progressive humanity's past there was a bigoted, multicolored moment when a thoughtcriminal named Erno Rubik took the red People's Cube and colored every square very unequally.

The capitalist cabal promoted the multicolored Rubik's Cube among the toiling masses in order to confuse them, distract from revolutionary struggle, and weaken their resolve to overthrow their capitalist oppressors. This resulted in lowered self-esteem and inequality of outcomes for an entire generation of players, who were literally taken for a spin.

Below is an example of such capitalist commercial of the time:

And efforts to revise the People's Cube history still continue. Just recently bourgeois historical revisionists published the following story, which made it necessary to write this article and bring history back in compliance with the Current Truth.

How Ernö Rubik Created the Rubik's Cube

Fortunately, with the inception of this Party Organ in 2005, the People's Cube quickly returned to its rightful place, restoring peace, equality, and justice. We're talking about such important elements of social well-being as intellectual equality and justice, emotional equality and justice, and competitive equality and justice.

It wasn't easy. At one point, a capitalist online store refused to print our images of the People's Cube, saying that we couldn't sell them without permission from Rubik. So we telegraphed our demands to Erno Rubik in Budapest.

Having lived most of his life in the socialist paradise of Hungary, Comrade Rubik knew that he had no choice but to comply. He telegraphed us back with his official permission to use his brand, praising the People's Cube and asking us to send him a couple of samples. So we did, and now he owns the People's Cube, too.

Ever since, our pages display the following disclaimer mentioning Erno Rubik's legal representative in the capitalist West:

Rubiks & Rubik's Cube ® used by special individual permission of Seven Town Ltd.


And so does the People's Cube operating manual: WHAT IS THE PEOPLE'S CUBE?
~

Comrade Director, may I inquire did the red cubes spread slowly to overthrow the other colors like Islam is doing, or was there a glorious revolution resulting in immediate overthrow of other colors?

Comrade Ivan, these details are classified lest our class enemies in the capitalist cabal use the same strategy against us.

On another note, if someone has the ability to change the cube colors in the above video to red, it could be a great promotional tool for the People's Cube.

Komrade Red, I have a question. Would a multi-colored Rubik's Cube plus a can of red spray paint make an acceptable and revolution-worthy People's Cube or must they be acquired through official Party channels?

Steirlitz, I'm shocked. A "roll your own" People's Cube? Really? Next thing you know someone will try to pass off a cheesy homemade 7 layer PDF file as an official birth certificate in order to gain access to public office and fundamentally transform....

Excuse me, there's a knock at my door....

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Steirlitz, I'm shocked. A "roll your own" People's Cube? Really? Next thing you know someone will try to pass off a cheesy homemade 7 layer PDF file as an official birth certificate in order to gain access to public office and fundamentally transform....

Excuse me, there's a knock at my door....

Ivan, This isn't "Roll your own"! You're thinking of that green stuff you always buy in ounces from a guy in the alley. The cube is already there, sitting as a symbol of KKKapitalist oppression, the paint is sitting there, produced by the State. When we apply the products f the State to the symbols of KKKapitalist oppression, then the KKKapitalist oppression is destroyed, leaving a nice, smooth coat of red-colored communism afterwards.

Comrades,

Let this be a reminder from bygone days...

"In 1977, he (Rubik) agreed to let a Hungarian toy-making collective produce the cube. The effort was a disappointment. The Magic Cube came out clunky, and half of the 10,000-piece order was prematurely canceled."

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:Comrade Director, may I inquire did the red cubes spread slowly to overthrow the other colors like Islam is doing, or was there a glorious revolution resulting in immediate overthrow of other colors?

Tavarish Ivan -The best revolutions happen slowly, working their way into the thoughts of the proletariat until they can't imagine ever having thought differently! Just last week we saw an example of the glorious progress our ever-watchful leader is making. The cube may not be red, but the intent is unmistakable! - SPK

This picture of Erno Rubik says it all!


A most adorable person with a sense of humor!

Love this guy.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:... did the red cubes spread slowly to overthrow the other colors like Islam is doing, or was there a glorious revolution resulting in immediate overthrow of other colors?

Red Square wrote:... these details are classified lest our class enemies in the capitalist cabal use the same strategy against us ...

With no whiff of intent to busybody, interfere, or meddle in any way, shape, or form with Comrade Director's Glorious Safe Space™ containing all the Kube-shaped secrets, here a humble hypothesis: no wild-eyed Revoolooshn of whichever color & shade needed; also no Marxian historical necessity for a creeping, taqiyya-laden smiley-smiley (eyes sparkling with rage, scimitar between clenched teeth, insha'Allah).

No, it goes much smoother by applying the - yes! you got it! - Glorious Shaming Algorithm™.

Just think of it: Kubist Komrades Kollektiv, lead by Komrade Equal-but-Topmost, relentlessly shaming the kkkapitalistic rubes of cubes! 7/24/365, 9-5! Isn't it obvious what happens? Of course, shamed and shamed and then shamed again, all rube cubes turn pinky, then scarlet, then pure commie red - bingo! A week of supragovernmental transcontinental and international exuding of Kubic Shaming Fluids (not Bodily Fluids, but Spiritual Fluids, of course!), and habe fertig, as vee Krauts use to say.

Rubik's Cube No Match For Florida Weather Forecaster

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — In the competitive world of TV news, Lauren Olesky has an edge on the competition. She may be the only on-air meteorologist who has ever solved a maddening Rubik's Cube while delivering the weather to her viewers. She pulled off the feat during Friday morning's broadcast of CBS12 News, a local CBS affiliate in South Florida.

Competition is the enemy. All weather forecasters would be equal if all of them had the People's Cube.

Red Square wrote:Rubik's Cube No Match For Florida Weather Forecaster

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — In the competitive world of TV news, Lauren Olesky has an edge on the competition. She may be the only on-air meteorologist who has ever solved a maddening Rubik's Cube while delivering the weather to her viewers. She pulled off the feat during Friday morning's broadcast of CBS12 News, a local CBS affiliate in South Florida.

"It's South Florida in the summertime: It's the same pattern, just a different day of the week."

At least she has a skill to fall back on when she's replaced by a weather robot in the coming years.

---

Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:

Red Square wrote:Rubik's Cube No Match For Florida Weather Forecaster

WEST PALM BEACH, FL — In the competitive world of TV news, Lauren Olesky has an edge on the competition. She may be the only on-air meteorologist who has ever solved a maddening Rubik's Cube while delivering the weather to her viewers. She pulled off the feat during Friday morning's broadcast of CBS12 News, a local CBS affiliate in South Florida.

"It's South Florida in the summertime: It's the same pattern, just a different day of the week."

At least she has a skill to fall back on when she's replaced by a weather robot in the coming years.

---

This brings horrible flashbacks great memories of the eight years I spent living in Jupiter and the weather thereof. Thanks.

Still, it's better than living ON Jupiter -

Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:"It's South Florida in the summertime: It's the same pattern, just a different day of the week."

At least she has a skill to fall back on when she's replaced by a weather robot in the coming years.

That's a very equal comment. I'm quartered near Tampa and I know exactly what that means. Throughout the entire summer, our daily forecast could be the same pre-recorded message:

1. Morning: sunny and hot
2. Early afternoon: cloudy and humid
3. Late afternoon: showers and thunderstorms
4. Evening: clear with possible rainbows
5. Tomorrow: rinse and repeat. Literally.

Red Square wrote:

Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:"It's South Florida in the summertime: It's the same pattern, just a different day of the week."

At least she has a skill to fall back on when she's replaced by a weather robot in the coming years.

That's a very equal comment. I'm quartered near Tampa and I know exactly what that means. Throughout the entire summer, our daily forecast could be the same pre-recorded message:

1. Morning: sunny and hot
2. Early afternoon: cloudy and humid
3. Late afternoon: showers and thunderstorms
4. Evening: clear with possible rainbows
5. Tomorrow: rinse and repeat. Literally.

ha-ha, now just wait and see what Klimkatastrophia (and Green New Deal, steered by the Duke of Dementia and Kamalexandria) will make of that!

Imperatorskiy Pingvin wrote:... At least she has a skill to fall back on when she's replaced by a weather robot in the coming years.

But here the cherry on top: that robot will also operate a cube, yet ― a most equally up-to-date one (by then), a People's Cube!

Equity, comrades, equity.

All of the non-red squares must pay reparations to the red ones. Of course, ALL payments will go through The Party^TM.