The People's Cube - Political Satire

Welcome to TransSiberian Railroads. We are pleased that we have been chosen for you to take you to your final destination. Period. It is the mission of TransSiberian Railroads to ensure that you have maximum enjoyment in this, your final trip. Period.

Whether you joined us starting in Moscow or joined us in Chelyabinsk, Omsk, Novosibirsk, Irkutsk, Chita, Blagoveshchensk and Khabarovsk we hope that you will find this to be a memorable journey to Vladivostok, which will be your final destination. Period.

TransSiberian Railroads is pleased to inform our passengers that immediately on embarking in this, their final journey, period, they have been given a brevet promotion from Fellow Traveler to Traveling Associate. It will be the honor of TransSiberian Railroads Hospitality Associates to serve up any Traveling Associate in any way that our Hospitality Associates may deem fit for their own maximum comfort and enjoyment. TransSiberian Railroads suggests that our Traveling Associates do not unnecessarily attract the attention of our Hospitality Associates. Our Health and Sanitation Associates have been detailed to the campaign headquarters of Hillary Rodham Clinton and are unavailable for custodial duties.

TransSiberian Railroads is a believer in earth-friendly policies and works to conserve energy and precious natural resources in every way possible. Therefore there will be no heating in the cars. This does not apply, of course, to the Hospitality Associates' rooms, which will be heated to preserve their ability to serve our Traveling Associates. In any way that the Hospitality Associates wish. Period. We strongly suggest that our Traveling Associates do not cluster around the Hospitality Associates' suite, hoping for warmer air, for there is a danger that the Traveling Associates may be trampled when the Hospitality Associates come outside to go to the dining car and bar for replenishment. And since papers towels and bandages also pose a drain on the earth's precious resources, they will not be provided either. We hope that you understand. We know that you will understand.

To promote the health of our Traveling Associates, the dining car and the bar are closed to you. TransSiberian Railroads is very concerned about the diet of our Traveling Associates and has hired famous Ethiopian dietician Mengistu Haile Mengele to formulate menus for our Traveling Associates. Unfortunately the food stuffs that Dr. Mengele had ordered from China were made into Canadian dog food and did not come and so the food's cartons will be served empty. TransSiberian Railroads is pleased to inform our Traveling Associates that we serve only gray unbleached cardboard, which will not, we are assured by Dr. Mengele, upset our Traveling Associates' digestion and are part of a healthy vegan diet and are certified by Ed Begley, Jr., to be the healthiest part of a vegan diet. Enjoy.

TransSiberian Railroads regrets that Traveling Associates' cell phones may not be used on the train; we have found that cell-phone use interferes with the operations in our Cranial-Lavation Suite.

We at TransSiberian Railroads pride ourselves on our attention to our Traveling Associates' needs. Should you be the traveling companion of a Thoughtcrime Traveling Associate, please endeavor to keep your Thoughtcrime Traveling Associate calm. We at TransSiberian Railroads realize that the recovery time for a cosmetic adjustment of the pre-frontal lobes varies from cosmetic surgeon to cosmetic surgeon and also by the time of day that the cosmetic procedure was performed, but we do insist that all Thoughtcrime Traveling Associates maintain a decorum that is respectful of the needs of Hospitality Associates and any of our Traveling Associates able to take notice. Unfortunately the pacifying medicines that we normally have on hand to dispense have all been required at the Daily Kos but we at TransSiberian Railroads are happy for the Hospitality Associates to use Louisville Sluggers, which they have extensive training in using. Experience has shown us that an application at the vortex is more efficacious than to the frontal lobes, which are not there any more. It is most important that decorum be maintained on this, your final trip. Period. We hope you understand. We are sure that you will understand. So if you feel that you are in need of assistance in providing decorum, any of our Hospitality Associates will gladly remove your tongue. If you speak up now, you will forever hold your peace.

We regret that we are no longer able to provide changing tables for Thoughtcrime Traveling Associates whose cosmetic adjustment was so recent that sufficient retraining in bodily function has not yet taken place.

Should any of our Traveling Associates require any sundries during what will be their final trip, period, at every stop purchases may be made at a branch of Gulags-R-Us. Look for the smiling faces of Che and Hugo Chavez. Payments may be made by your CCCP card. Bank of Soros, which issues your CCCP card, is pleased to inform you that you will no longer be required to repay your CCCP card in dollars or rubles, nor may you repay in dollars or rubles. For your convenience we will hand you a currency conversion table on a gray piece of paper. It specifies how much a betrayal of a family member is worth, how much the betrayal of a party member is worth, and this month only we are having a premium on denunciations.

And for entertainment, we have, fresh from his triumph in the Grotto at Rancho del Rio Grande, Bruno y sus Corazones, who will be doing their famous show, "Saturday Night Ethel Merman Fever" in the flamenco style in the Martin Sheen Car. Attendance will be compulsory for any Travel Associates who draw the attention of our Hospitality Associates. All decisions are final and there is no appeal. Those Traveling Associates who have seen Bruno in his grand finale, and who have survived, say that it is a sight that makes them welcome Vladivostok at the end of this, their final journey. Period.

TransSiberian Railroads welcomes our Traveling Associates aboard on this, their final ride, period, to their final destination, period. Should any of our Traveling Associates have any requests, please do not.

Period.

Ahh.. The Glories of true Progressivism and Party Ideals!

Think of all the "Green House gases" we will save in this Final Trip... Period....!!! No more will these Traveling Associates burn evil "fossil fuel" (or create Co2 in general....)! In fact, in a short time they might contribute to the eventual restocking of said fuel!

(*Note "fossil fuel" may be a misnomer as new research and observations indicate that petroleum may not come from fossils and peak oil may not exist as thought. This research is declared herasy by Pope Al Gore of the Church of Man Made Global Warming and all future references to these findings are to be reported to Smersh for data leak prevention: We cannot allow our useful idiots to see this.)

Yes, Comrade TankoGrad, that is heresy and must be suppressed. If people find that An Inconvenient Truth is merely a profitable lie, then what will we do? Next people will not believe in the utter infallibility of Our Many Titted Empress and that must not happen. The sun will fall from the skies.

Does the TransSiberian Railroad have entertainment by the Trans-Siberian Orchestra?

Bruno's act is in better taste. I'm not making this up. I've heard lots of orchestra work and this is 200-proof kitsch. I wouldn't wish it on Hallmark.

Your point? So will it be played on the train?

The orchestra will be on the train itself, in steerage. Perhaps under the wheels. That sound you hear is a steel wheel going over a trumpet.

I thought it was a prole falling through the rotten floorboards....

They can only HOPE for such a thing.

TransSiberian Railroads announces that the price of the ticket is your entire estate.

I've heard lots of orchestra work and this is 200-proof kitsch. I wouldn't wish it on Hallmark.

I don't know...it was pretty cool in the video when they had Gollum standing on top of the piano and directing the player in front of a background of fireworks.

Commissar Theorcritus! Brilliant! Superb! I know you are really bringing in a lot of contributions for the Empress with this scheme. It makes me proud to call you a comrade, and many thanks for the arrangements made for some of my employees to keep the passengers entertained on the long final trip. It helps my contributions to the Empress as well.

But as for Siberian music, may I humbly suggest this rather than the Trans-Siberian Orchestra? This is one of my favorites from my favorite progressive band....

Commissar Pupovich, I do see your point. It has a strangely hypnotic effect. Like the Clients who are being transported to Vladivostock these people do not quite seem to be playing anything which the people could define as music and no two of them are actually in harmony with each other. This will be a terrific rebuke to them.

Ah, but I do hate to see old favorites getting old. I found an early video when they were younger, but the sound wasn't very good. Back in the day, I don't think anyone could play a cleaner, more original guitar than Steve Howe, or anyone play the bass like a guitar like Chris Squire, and Wakeman was a concert by himself at times. Jon Anderson's voice certainly shows the wearing of time, though of course it always sounds rougher in concert than recordings. But I do love Yes.

BTW. have you heard the good news, yet potentially dangerous news? We have been promoted by Nancy. Go to the thread to her children.

Commissar Theocritus

We must add that suppressed data to the pile of others such as:

Leftist Quotes on Iraq and Terrorism

Al Gore's Links to Fred Phelps

And This
<br>Or his Zinc Mine and not really being "green" at all (except for being loaded with 'greenbacks')

All of this data must be suppressed or else our flock will see the "progressives" for the power mad... erm... well... yeah, we can be honest on this part here... totalitarian (holistic) socialists they are. If they find out now, a sizable minority our useful idiots will grow a brain and defect!!!!

If any of our flock do, somehow, see this remark, they can be the first passenger on the train......

Reality must be controlled by the Party(tm)!

Comrade Doctor Theocritus!!! Well Done!!!

I have a question. This locomotive is a stream locomotive. What fuel is used to fire the boiler? Coal or Proles?

--
ZB

Our Steam is "communist steam" and does not require polluting fuels*.

*Note that this statement cannot be scientifically possible, but like Al Gore's end of the world cult, it is "truth" as defined by the Party(tm) and therefor cannot be questioned.

(It is a long story, but one of my college professors was in China in his younger years while they sprayed DDT over a village to stop Malaria. The UK communist with him said it had to be the "communist formula" of DDT which did not hurt people!)

Comrade TankoGrad wrote: Our Steam is "communist steam"

My Steam is Valve steam.

Looks like something from the Matrix.....

"The Party Has You!"

The Valve has you....

*Edit* I think I fixed it...

No! The picture isn't working! What terrible curse has befallen this thread? Refresh! Refresh!!!

Comrade Zampolit, the engine is steam but that doesn't mean that steam drives the train. Endless proles stoke the boilers and the point is that the proles are stoking the boilers, doing something for the party. If the boiler doesn't work, and mostly it doesn't, the proles, after stoking it, get out and pull the train.

When that doesn't work. The Holy Gore pulls the train with his SUVs. He has one for each day of the year, you know.

Why not have the engine be Source? It's really life like and... wait. Wrong engine. Wrong Steam... wrong everything. Stupid names....

Betty, since the point is getting rid of people who do not appreciate our progressive socialism, it doesn't matter if they get anywhere as long as they get away...from us.

And it's much easier to have them leave than to leave ourselves, right? Just because we're in a filthy kkkapitalist country doesn't mean that we should leave to go somewhere more like us, no. We must make everyone and everything else change to fit our needs!

Of course. Now you get it. If Mohammed won't go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammad. They got <i>that</i> one right.

And if the mountain refuses ... then Jihad against the mountain for refusing!!!

Algore Akhbar!!!

--
ZB

"Algore Akhbar"!!!

I think we have the new "hallelujah" for the Church of the Prophet Al Gore, aka The Church of The Gorilians.


Though, every time I hear Allah Akhbar, my rational and common sense non-progressive side wants to scream "Admiral Akhbar to you too".


I shall purge that side as soon as possible so I can follow whatever the superdelegats tell me to vote for.

TankoGrad, I foresee a great success with the Church of the Gorillans. They will be, of course, the Hospitality Associates on TransSiberian Railroads. Able to enforce the will of Our Empress and of the Holy Gore.

Since you have experience in peacekeeping weapons [no snideness here], what would you suggest?

Comrade TankoGrad wrote: Though, every time I hear Allah Akhbar, my rational and common sense non-progressive side wants to scream "Admiral Akhbar to you too".

May the force be with us.



http://youtube.com/watch?v=8ZHvi3QaE9s

I don't know why we are talking about trains period! I think all proles should walk to camp. PERIOD.

It's so messy if they die on the way. All that burying.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:And for entertainment, we have, fresh from his triumph in the Grotto at Rancho del Rio Grande, Bruno y sus Corazones, who will be doing their famous show, "Saturday Night Ethel Merman Fever" in the flamenco style in the Martin Sheen Car. Attendance will be compulsory for any Travel Associates who draw the attention of our Hospitality Associates. All decisions are final and there is no appeal. Those Traveling Associates who have seen Bruno in his grand finale, and who have survived, say that it is a sight that makes them welcome Vladivostok at the end of this, their final journey. Period.

Bruno does Flamenco?


Bruno would be so jealous to know that I once took personal dance lessons from Cruz (the one in the video).

Yes, Bruno would be jealous of you, but it is Roosters who are jealous of Cruz.

Leninka wrote:
Bruno would be so jealous to know that I once took personal dance lessons from Cruz (the one in the video).

That looks a bit too, shall we say, gay for a cowboy. Show me what you had....

Ah, here I am on my socialist connection and can't even watch the videos so I progressively surmise the content and comment NOW!!!

Oh well, as long as I fweel better....

Commissar Theocritus wrote:It's so messy if they die on the way. All that burying.

Commissar, we have many shovels in The Mass Grave Consortium™, burying is easy, we don't do any of the work, we just pass out shovels and have the marching proles bury their own.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:

Leninka wrote:
Bruno would be so jealous to know that I once took personal dance lessons from Cruz (the one in the video).

That looks a bit too, shall we say, gay for a cowboy. Show me what you had....

He reminds of a little song I knew as a child:

"Old Dan Tucker was a fine old man,
He washed his face in a frying pan,
He combed his hair with a wagon wheel,
And he died with a toothache in his heel."

"Get out the way for Old Man Tucker,
He's to late to eat his supper,
Supper's over and Breakfast cookin',
Old Man Tucker just standin' there lookin'..."

Leninka, that dance is mesmerizing. Bruno tried it but his feet are so big that he managed to knock holes in the flagstones and the seismographs in Houston showed it. If you were watching the news you'd have seen reports of a quake in West Texas.

I recall that song as a kid.

Who hasn't heard old man Tucker? This was pretty good, but you got to slide past the first 3 minutes or so.

Comrade Pupovich,

Your nose is magnificent!

Over hill and over dale,
Marshall Pupovich hit the trail,
He sniiffed wide, and he sniffed long,
Until he found Dan Tucker's song.

That's it! That's the song. And the banjo player reminds me of one of my long lost Alabamie kin. There's a lot a talent in that thar young man.

Who hasn't heard it Marshal? I'll tel you who hasn't! Millions! A generation lost to the story of the past, the story now retold by the re-tellers of The Party(TM).

Now that thar's the truth.

Thank you Comrade Leninka, I do take a particular delight in my nose. But that talent would mean nothing if it were not used For the Children™, I do it all For the Children™!

Kudo's to you as well Comrade Red Rooster, you hit the proverbial prole on the head.