12/3/2015, 4:07 pm
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8 things that work better than thoughts and prayers
Every time we suffer the consequences of climate change and hateful GOP rhetoric, Republicans always respond by offering "thoughts and prayers." The Party has decreed that Thoughts and Prayers do not address the problem, and only highlights how little Republicans care about anything.
So what does work more effectively than Thoughts and Prayers? Presented below, for your consideration, are just a few of The Party's tried and true methods for showing how much more we care than they do.
1. Awareness Ribbons:
Wearing an awareness ribbon shows everyone how much you care. When you see someone wearing an awareness ribbon, you know they care.
Awareness ribbons come in different colors for different issues. Don't know what issue a certain color signifies? Ask the wearer, and they'll tell you! Just like that, you'll be aware of the issue! See how that works? The ribbon really works! And since you don't want to be seen as uncaring, you'll want to wear one, too!
You can't wear Thoughts and Prayers on your lapel or bra strap.
2. [Insert Issue Here] Strong Wristbands:
They're just like Awareness Ribbons, only you wear them on your wrists. You can't wear Thoughts and Prayers on your wrist, either.
3. Avatar/Profile Pic Filters:
Also like Awareness Ribbons. Slap on one of these and every time you post something somewhere, people will know how much you care about whatever issue the filter represents. Ever seen an avatar or profile pic tinted with a Thought or Prayer? Me neither.
4. Slogans:
Great for putting on banners and chanting at rallies. You can't do that with thoughts or prayers—except with the words themselves, e.g.: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! THEY DON'T WORK! THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! THEY DON'T WORK! or GOD CAN'T FIX IT! THEN WHO CAN? GOVERNMENT! GOVERNMENT!
5. #Hashtags:
Come up with a slogan, any slogan, then turn it into a hashtag that you and your comrades can tweet and retweet again and again and again! Try it yourself and see how quickly #ThoughtsandPrayersDontWork! goes viral!
6. Selfies:
Take a picture of yourself holding up a piece of paper with your slogan/hashtag on it. The State Department does this all the time. You'll notice they never pray, and neither their spokespersons nor John Kerry ever offer anything that comes close to a thought.
7. White House Summits:
In which Obama invites a whole bunch of people to the Executive Mansion for one day to talk about the issue at hand. They sit at long tables arranged in a square and they talk. Sometimes they split into smaller "breakout sessions" where they crack jokes (e.g. "shovel ready wasn't as shovel ready as we thought") about how this whole thing is a stupid waste of time and would be greatly improved if only there were real dogs and ponies in attendance. But at least it looks as if they're doing something more than if they just offered "thoughts and prayers."
8. Global Conferences:
Like WH summits, but on an international scale. Especially popular when it comes to raising awareness of Climate Change. Always held in glamorous locales like Paris, because it's so bright and shiny and sparkly that who notices nothing is really accomplished? Lots of photo-ops showing world leaders smiling and talking and dining on haute cuisine, all looking as if they're doing something...about...something. At least they care enough to be there! Honestly—would they spend millions of dollars and travel thousands of miles to be there if they didn't?
By contrast, if someone took a picture of Republicans praying, would that really look to you as if they're doing something about whatever it is? Do they really look as if they care? And just how far do they have to travel, and how much money do they spend just to offer thoughts or prayers? Thoughts and prayers cost nothing, and require minimal effort. Why, no one even has to see anyone engaging in thoughts and prayers! What's the use of caring enough to raise awareness and make a difference if no one else sees you? Or even more importantly, if no one else's money is spent?
Now let's have some breakout sessions, comrades. What else can we come up with that's more effective than thoughts or prayers to some mythical being who can't do all the wonderful, marvelous things Government can?
______________________
Commissarka Pinkie is a regular contributor to The People's Cube, with a lifelong commitment to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn't busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people's money, jumping on bandwagons, and looking for anything she deems offensive and a threat to her safe space.
8 things that work better than thoughts and prayers
Every time we suffer the consequences of climate change and hateful GOP rhetoric, Republicans always respond by offering "thoughts and prayers." The Party has decreed that Thoughts and Prayers do not address the problem, and only highlights how little Republicans care about anything.
So what does work more effectively than Thoughts and Prayers? Presented below, for your consideration, are just a few of The Party's tried and true methods for showing how much more we care than they do.
1. Awareness Ribbons:
Wearing an awareness ribbon shows everyone how much you care. When you see someone wearing an awareness ribbon, you know they care.
Awareness ribbons come in different colors for different issues. Don't know what issue a certain color signifies? Ask the wearer, and they'll tell you! Just like that, you'll be aware of the issue! See how that works? The ribbon really works! And since you don't want to be seen as uncaring, you'll want to wear one, too!
You can't wear Thoughts and Prayers on your lapel or bra strap.
2. [Insert Issue Here] Strong Wristbands:
They're just like Awareness Ribbons, only you wear them on your wrists. You can't wear Thoughts and Prayers on your wrist, either.
3. Avatar/Profile Pic Filters:
Also like Awareness Ribbons. Slap on one of these and every time you post something somewhere, people will know how much you care about whatever issue the filter represents. Ever seen an avatar or profile pic tinted with a Thought or Prayer? Me neither.
4. Slogans:
Great for putting on banners and chanting at rallies. You can't do that with thoughts or prayers—except with the words themselves, e.g.: THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! THEY DON'T WORK! THOUGHTS AND PRAYERS! THEY DON'T WORK! or GOD CAN'T FIX IT! THEN WHO CAN? GOVERNMENT! GOVERNMENT!
5. #Hashtags:
Come up with a slogan, any slogan, then turn it into a hashtag that you and your comrades can tweet and retweet again and again and again! Try it yourself and see how quickly #ThoughtsandPrayersDontWork! goes viral!
6. Selfies:
Take a picture of yourself holding up a piece of paper with your slogan/hashtag on it. The State Department does this all the time. You'll notice they never pray, and neither their spokespersons nor John Kerry ever offer anything that comes close to a thought.
7. White House Summits:
In which Obama invites a whole bunch of people to the Executive Mansion for one day to talk about the issue at hand. They sit at long tables arranged in a square and they talk. Sometimes they split into smaller "breakout sessions" where they crack jokes (e.g. "shovel ready wasn't as shovel ready as we thought") about how this whole thing is a stupid waste of time and would be greatly improved if only there were real dogs and ponies in attendance. But at least it looks as if they're doing something more than if they just offered "thoughts and prayers."
8. Global Conferences:
Like WH summits, but on an international scale. Especially popular when it comes to raising awareness of Climate Change. Always held in glamorous locales like Paris, because it's so bright and shiny and sparkly that who notices nothing is really accomplished? Lots of photo-ops showing world leaders smiling and talking and dining on haute cuisine, all looking as if they're doing something...about...something. At least they care enough to be there! Honestly—would they spend millions of dollars and travel thousands of miles to be there if they didn't?
By contrast, if someone took a picture of Republicans praying, would that really look to you as if they're doing something about whatever it is? Do they really look as if they care? And just how far do they have to travel, and how much money do they spend just to offer thoughts or prayers? Thoughts and prayers cost nothing, and require minimal effort. Why, no one even has to see anyone engaging in thoughts and prayers! What's the use of caring enough to raise awareness and make a difference if no one else sees you? Or even more importantly, if no one else's money is spent?
Now let's have some breakout sessions, comrades. What else can we come up with that's more effective than thoughts or prayers to some mythical being who can't do all the wonderful, marvelous things Government can?
______________________
Commissarka Pinkie is a regular contributor to The People's Cube, with a lifelong commitment to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn't busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people's money, jumping on bandwagons, and looking for anything she deems offensive and a threat to her safe space.
