The People's Cube - Political Satire

The newest and most littoral combat ship, USS Milwaukee, gets an environmental upgrade after less than three weeks in the water.

While all the other ships have to waste fuel and expel carbon dioxide to propel themselves, this new $362 million ship is completely carbon-neutral in compliance with the recent Climate Change accords signed in Paris by President Obama. The only downside of the ship's carbon neutrality is its complete lack of propulsion, which is why it is currently being towed into port by a tug boat.

No one, not even the Navy, expected such energy efficiency from the ship's deployment. "It is basically a moving barge packed with expensive toys," said Secretary of the Navy, Ray Mabus, confirming reports that the ship has been reclassified from USS to USB.

Forced to comply with the latest environmental concerns and directives coming from the White House, the Navy is currently planning to launch more barges like the USB Milwaukee to drift around the oceans protecting America's interests.

The plan includes spending three hundred billion dollars on this project, commissioning parts and materials exclusively from the Democrat held states. This addition to the spending bill will be sure to pass in Congress because the Republicans can no longer shut down the government.

President Obama was reportedly so happy about this plan that he decided to go for an extra round of golfing.

Most Equal Komrad Hammer and Loupe,

I read the linked article with great interest. The US Navy's commitment to gender equality by producing a clittoral vessel is admirable. It is also ingenious. I've heard that they can be hard to find. (for some)

But what of the offense to our Muslim Komrads? Aren't they always trying to eradicate "clittorals" from their vessels? Perhaps this is why the clittoral vessel failed?

It is often too much for a simple fish to puzzle out.

Oops. Excuse me, I seem to have misinterpreted the article. Never mind......

Swirling in the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

Red Salmon wrote:Most Equal Komrad Hammer and Loupe,

I read the linked article with great interest. The US Navy's commitment to gender equality by producing a clittoral vessel is admirable. It is also ingenious. I've heard that they can be hard to find. (for some)

But what of the offense to our Muslim Komrads? Aren't they always trying to eradicate "clittorals" from their vessels? Perhaps this is why the clittoral vessel failed?

It is often too much for a simple fish to puzzle out.

Oops. Excuse me, I seem to have misinterpreted the article. Never mind......

Swirling in the Current Truth ™,

Red Salmon

Don't worry comrade, I am also interested in littorals. We can speak of lagoons, sandbars, and the shores..... Wait! You did not mean littorals?

Oh, never mind.

Wonderful! Now when Dear Leader wants to stick his nose into somebody else's business, we can just barge in. Admittedly this does not change the current situation, but it will be official.

Side note: Anyone on board will be known as a bargee.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:
Don't worry comrade, I am also interested in littorals. We can speak of lagoons, sandbars, and the shores..... Wait! You did not mean littorals?

Oh, never mind.

Komrade Hammer, I'll give you the rundown on littorals, lagoons, sandbars, and shores. A lot of guys stay in the littoral zone, or the "friend zone" as the "hip" people call it today. Some can't even get close to the littoral zone. I have a lot of experience with both, if I see a fine, young lady I seize up like a deer in the headlights. But, to be fair, this is to my benefit seeing as I don't want to marry a fine, young lady. Don't mix your lagoon with a sandbar. It happened to me once at the beach. Felt like beat off with 80 grit sandpaper, couldn't walk right for the rest of the day, felt like I laid it out on an anvil and pounded it with a hammer. But as for the shores, well, I don't have any experience with any shores but what I do know is you have to make sure that the coast is clear and that you got your wetsuit on before you decide to dock in foreign shores. And for god's sake, be careful with the bays. A lot of the run-down bays are known far and wide to harbor crabs.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Hammer and Loupe wrote:
Don't worry comrade, I am also interested in littorals. We can speak of lagoons, sandbars, and the shores..... Wait! You did not mean littorals?

Oh, never mind.

Komrade Hammer, I'll give you the rundown on littorals, lagoons, sandbars, and shores. A lot of guys stay in the littoral zone, or the "friend zone" as the "hip" people call it today. Some can't even get close to the littoral zone. I have a lot of experience with both, if I see a fine, young lady I seize up like a deer in the headlights. But, to be fair, this is to my benefit seeing as I don't want to marry a fine, young lady. Don't mix your lagoon with a sandbar. It happened to me once at the beach. Felt like beat off with 80 grit sandpaper, couldn't walk right for the rest of the day, felt like I laid it out on an anvil and pounded it with a hammer. But as for the shores, well, I don't have any experience with any shores but what I do know is you have to make sure that the coast is clear and that you got your wetsuit on before you decide to dock in foreign shores. And for god's sake, be careful with the bays. A lot of the run-down bays are known far and wide to harbor crabs.

That doublespeak brings tears to my eyes. It is most equal.