The People's Cube - Political Satire

Untold death and destruction breaks out in Middle East after discovery of TRUE meaning of "Allahu Akbar"

‘Allahu Akbar': It Means Almost Everything — Except What The Establishment Media Says

Media outlets routinely mangle the true meaning of “Allahu akbar,” the ubiquitous battle cry of Islamic jihadists as they commit mass murder.

Making America great again should by extension make the Muslim world behave again.

Thank you for this latest addition to the 2015 Party Approved Newspeak Lexicon. The collective is encouraged to immediately put this word to all sorts of new uses, in the hope of rendering it completely meaningless.

In the name of total equality and justice, the meaning of AKBAR should always be translated as "EQUAL." As in "all values are equal," or "all cultures are equal," or "all opinions are equal."

Therefore...

ALLAHU AKBAR = Our God is equal to your God (or gods), and our values are equal to yours.

This way "Islamic supremacism" will inevitably become "Islamic fight for equality."

It will help us to achieve:

- moral equality
- biological equality
- cultural equality
- climate equality
- weather equality
- educational equality
- intellectual equality
- economic equality
- artistic equality
- environmental equality
- equality of outcomes

The Glorious World of Next Tuesday, here we come!

Hillary Akbar!

What about species equality? I feel marginalized. Boo hoo. I need a safe space.

These gentlemen heard [color=#C0392B]RedDiaperette[/color] when she wrote:What about species equality? I feel marginalized. Boo hoo. I need a safe space.

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Oh my, oh my, now I am traumatized and I must go apply for SSI.

(Semi-Off)
Come to think of it, with a little tweaking that sentence might make a fairly lucrative noble street chant or rap song as well: "Oh my, oh my, / Traumatized and I. / I must go apply / For glorious SSI." Sounds almost like the people's ditty that I learned at my mama's knee: "One two three / Pioneers are we. / We're fighting for the working class / Against the bourgeoise."

If Allah is so ding-darn great why isn't every day Next Tuesday?

Margaret wrote:If Allah is so ding-darn great why isn't every day Next Tuesday?

Well, it is, Comrade Margaret! Next Tuesday will never come! It's just a meme politicians use to get them to the next election, they don't think much beyond this, "If we can just get beyond these next few months, etc." They don't really care about the long run because it doesn't matter to them.

Thus, the meme, "It will all be done by next Tuesday" a euphemism for "never."

Pamalinsky wrote:

Margaret wrote:If Allah is so ding-darn great why isn't every day Next Tuesday?

Well, it is, Comrade Margaret! Next Tuesday will never come! It's just a meme politicians use to get them to the next election, they don't think much beyond this, "If we can just get beyond these next few months, etc." They don't really care about the long run because it doesn't matter to them.

Thus, the meme, "It will all be done by next Tuesday" a euphemism for "never."

Comrade Orwell wrote a little poem celebrating the coming of Next Tuesday;

Beasts of England, beasts of Ireland,
Beasts of every land and clime,
Hearken to my joyful tidings
Of the golden future time.

Soon or late the day is coming,
Tyrant Man shall be o'erthrown,
And the fruitful fields of England
Shall be trod by beasts alone.

Rings shall vanish from our noses,
And the harness from our back,
Bit and spur shall rust forever,
Cruel whips no more shall crack.

Riches more than mind can picture,
Wheat and barley, oats and hay,
Clover, beans, and mangel-wurzels
Shall be ours upon that day.

Bright will shine the fields of England,
Purer shall its waters be,
Sweeter yet shall blow its breezes
On the day that sets us free.

For that day we all must labour,
Though we die before it break;
Cows and horses, geese and turkeys,
All must toil for freedom's sake.

Beasts of England, beasts of Ireland,
Beasts of every land and clime,
Hearken well and spread my tidings
Of the golden future time.

Inspirational,... yes?

Speaking of Tuesday...
Has anyone seen Wimpy?

Margaret wrote:If Allah is so ding-darn great why isn't every day Next Tuesday?

Allah is very equal and in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday all days will be very equal.

Every day of the week will be called Tuesday and so "Next Tuesday" will mean "tomorrow," "next week," "next month," "next Five-Year-Plan," and so on.

Very akbar, no?

And the inspirational poem posted by Captain Craptek is double-plus-akbar.

Pete Townsend: I used to rush into Marshall's music shop and steal guitars off the wall. I'd say, 'Just taking a guitar! Pay you Tuesday!' and rush out.