The People's Cube - Political Satire

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The Collective denounces the Greg Gutfeld Show due to many oppressive, insensitive, and capitalistic things the host, Greg Gutfeld, says and does. The Collective is known for bringing up concerns of The People™. Below is an incomplete list of their concerns.

1. Mr. Gutfeld does not share his desk. Where will his guests put their sandwiches? How will they place their feet off the ground? A desk is a common utility shared throughout the collective. Only a hoarder keeps one for personal use.
   
2. He does not share his coffee mug. Clearly Mr. Gutfeld is a germaphobe concerned with narcissistic self-preservation more than with the well-being of the unwashed. It is just not right to drink in front of your guests as they thirst for the cup of happiness. Share your mug with your guests, Greg!
   
3. He does not have the People's Cube prominently displayed next to his mug of selfishness. The People's Cube is a tool of equal opportunity, enabling everyone to become an equal winner through government regulation. This is in contrast to Rubik's Cube, an unregulated torture device of inequality which should be made illegal along with waterboarding. People need to feel confident that they can do anything within the safety of state-regulated space.
   
4. Mr. Gutfeld fails to hang President Obama's portrait above his head with the quote, “Obama watches you.” It seems Mr. Gutfeld doesn't want his audience to know how much Obama cares for the people.
   
5. Unicorns are a symbol of nobility. In our book nobility has strong associations with historical oppression and exploitation of the toiling masses. Greg should use donkeys instead, since they are a proper representation of the oppressed working families.
   
6. Liberal Panel is not knotty enough. Wood with knots is a poor wood. What is its wood content? Surely, it is not made from a proper tree. The Panel should get its wood from an alder or ebony tree.

This show will be boycotted if the above demands are not met.

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P.S. The People™ want the show to be more like this, prominently featuring the People's Cube:

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Says Gutfeld, whose wife is from Russia,
Where Red Cubes are solved without fluster,
"I've taught her the way
That Cubes Rubic made
Are solved without help from Big Brother."

And thus, for that damsel of Russia,
Did Gutfeld become her corrupter,
So, Greg we must capture
So him we can badger
With endless denouncements and bluster.

--KOOK

Though my State approved remover of limbs is purposed for flesh I believe I can use it to reduce the size of Mr. Gutfeld's desk to appropriately equalize his perceived stature in relation to his Comrades. I can also divide his mug into equal parts, the mug will no longer hold refreshments but then in the best possible execution of Regressive Socialism no one will receive any refreshment at all thereby rendering all equal. As for the bourgeois Unicorn, I can return my Party approved remover of limbs to its original purpose and easily remove the Uni horn of the Unicorn and place it in the pasture with the horses of the proletariat, then if all else fails and it refuses to work for the collective we can force it to march in the Soft Parade and whip the horses eyes and make them bleed and cry. We must shout, "Za Rodinu! Za Stalina!"

Weren't we already boycotting him? His show is obviously reich-wing, and everything reich-wing must be stopped, boycotted, and et cetera. I thought our kollektive knew this.

Heck, he had the nerve, the NERVE!!!! *faints, revives* to name one of his books, "The Joy of HATE!!!!" Is that not the RethugliKKAN motto??? Gutfeld is obviously a non-person!

Greg Gutfeld Show has ignored our list of demands, but it is just one day. We can forgive them for the first day, but we will enforce boycott for the second offence.