2/19/2016, 3:13 pm
[img]/images/Jesus_Hammer_Sickle_Pope.jpg[/img]
Remember the days, comrades, when we were panic-stricken at the idea of a Catholic presidential candidate because he might defer to the Vatican on all the things that are so important to the Progressive agenda?
Remember how proud we were of Catholics like Kerry and Pelosi putting the Party above whatever the Pope thought? So much so that we don't even think of them as Catholics, except when they deem it convenient to mention.
Remember how we rubbed our hands with glee and drooled over the prospect of the Catholic Church collapsing and disintegrating under the weight of all those sex scandals—incessant, outraged talk of which vanished into thin air about five minutes after Old Man Ratzinger resigned? (Beating the previous record of seven minutes set by Herman Cain's accusers after he dropped out of the presidential race.)
Remember how we screamed at Christofascists that it was wrong to judge others? To threaten us with nonexistent hellfire eternal simply because we had the courage to embrace all things Progressive? That it was flat out wrong to question anyone's Christianity, just as it was wrong to question one's patriotism? Remember when patriotism was all flag waving jingoism and xenophobia and scary chants of “USA! USA!” ?
Remember when Popes raised a fuss about governments that built walls to keep people from fleeing out to do their own individual thing, instead of fleeing in to expand the Collective, increase revenue, and thus consolidate the Party's power?
Remember the days, yea, years, nay, decades, when it was Communism vs Catholicism in a battle for which behemoth entity would ultimately retain the power to control the most lives, the most territory, the most assets, the most wealth, and in consequence, wield absolute rule over the entire world?
Remember when the Pope was just another out-of-touch old white fart, like John McCain or Bob Dole or Antonin Scalia?
Thanks to the Current Truth™ , all of that has now changed—at least for the time being!
Now the Pope is a really cool old daddy-o hipster dude, just like Bernie Sanders or George Soros or Harry Reid! And everyone should obey him without question, even if they aren't Catholic!
Hell now exists—in fact, it's always existed—only it's the place where all conservatives go after they die. They lied about hell, because lying is what conservatives do. Oh, and there's also a special place there for any woman who doesn't vote for Hillary.
We also know now that the Bible was cobbled together centuries ago by a bunch of old, white, misogynistic, homophobic, Islamophobic conservative men who also thought the earth was flat and believed its climate the one thing in all the universe they couldn't possibly control. That's all we need to know to take heart in the truth that Jesus commanded us to be Socialists. Ergo, all salvation is collective, granted, along with our rights, by the government. It's not some personal, individual relationship between you and a mythical being.
Also, Patriotism now has a new definition. Patriotism, like Peace, Coexistence, and Civility, is now the absence of opposition to Socialism.
As for Christianity—well, all Progressives believe America needs to be more like other countries, like Denmark with its work benefits or Australia with its laws against private gun ownership. And then there are those countries where Christians are jailed or even executed for not keeping their hateful, outmoded beliefs to themselves or even abandoning them altogether.
Be like those countries!
A regular contributor to The People's Cube, Commissarka Pinkie is a proud Progressive courageously dedicated to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn't busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people's money, jumping on bandwagons, and searching tirelessly for anything she deems offensive and a threat to her safe space.
Remember the days, comrades, when we were panic-stricken at the idea of a Catholic presidential candidate because he might defer to the Vatican on all the things that are so important to the Progressive agenda?
Remember how proud we were of Catholics like Kerry and Pelosi putting the Party above whatever the Pope thought? So much so that we don't even think of them as Catholics, except when they deem it convenient to mention.
Remember how we rubbed our hands with glee and drooled over the prospect of the Catholic Church collapsing and disintegrating under the weight of all those sex scandals—incessant, outraged talk of which vanished into thin air about five minutes after Old Man Ratzinger resigned? (Beating the previous record of seven minutes set by Herman Cain's accusers after he dropped out of the presidential race.)
Remember how we screamed at Christofascists that it was wrong to judge others? To threaten us with nonexistent hellfire eternal simply because we had the courage to embrace all things Progressive? That it was flat out wrong to question anyone's Christianity, just as it was wrong to question one's patriotism? Remember when patriotism was all flag waving jingoism and xenophobia and scary chants of “USA! USA!” ?
Remember when Popes raised a fuss about governments that built walls to keep people from fleeing out to do their own individual thing, instead of fleeing in to expand the Collective, increase revenue, and thus consolidate the Party's power?
Remember the days, yea, years, nay, decades, when it was Communism vs Catholicism in a battle for which behemoth entity would ultimately retain the power to control the most lives, the most territory, the most assets, the most wealth, and in consequence, wield absolute rule over the entire world?
Remember when the Pope was just another out-of-touch old white fart, like John McCain or Bob Dole or Antonin Scalia?
Thanks to the Current Truth™ , all of that has now changed—at least for the time being!
Now the Pope is a really cool old daddy-o hipster dude, just like Bernie Sanders or George Soros or Harry Reid! And everyone should obey him without question, even if they aren't Catholic!
Hell now exists—in fact, it's always existed—only it's the place where all conservatives go after they die. They lied about hell, because lying is what conservatives do. Oh, and there's also a special place there for any woman who doesn't vote for Hillary.
We also know now that the Bible was cobbled together centuries ago by a bunch of old, white, misogynistic, homophobic, Islamophobic conservative men who also thought the earth was flat and believed its climate the one thing in all the universe they couldn't possibly control. That's all we need to know to take heart in the truth that Jesus commanded us to be Socialists. Ergo, all salvation is collective, granted, along with our rights, by the government. It's not some personal, individual relationship between you and a mythical being.
Also, Patriotism now has a new definition. Patriotism, like Peace, Coexistence, and Civility, is now the absence of opposition to Socialism.
As for Christianity—well, all Progressives believe America needs to be more like other countries, like Denmark with its work benefits or Australia with its laws against private gun ownership. And then there are those countries where Christians are jailed or even executed for not keeping their hateful, outmoded beliefs to themselves or even abandoning them altogether.
Be like those countries!
A regular contributor to The People's Cube, Commissarka Pinkie is a proud Progressive courageously dedicated to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn't busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people's money, jumping on bandwagons, and searching tirelessly for anything she deems offensive and a threat to her safe space.
