The People's Cube - Political Satire

Here is some shocking news:

Hillary's Top Donor Just Bought The Onion — Started Publishing Propaganda Immediately

The Onion has always been Socialism's equivalent of weak, watered-down coffee, and now it has gone completely Corporatist! Need I remind you that Hillary is 100% white?

The People's Cube has always been the only ideologically Pure™, Karl Marx-approved™ source of News For Progs™, and now it is even more equal than all the others.

And Comrade Bernsky has always been a More Equal Socialist than that Trotskyite Hillary who has been taking bribes donations from the largest banks on Wall Street.

So just stay right here on The People's Cube instead of those "other" news sites, and you will always be thinking Korrect Thoughts.

Is it time to go against Hillary already?

Hammer and Loupe wrote:Is it time to go against Hillary already?

Da, Comrade. According to the latest poll groupthink, it is now Politcally Korrekt to support Comrade Bernsky:

Latest Poll (see question 6)

But don't throw away all of your Hillary bumper stickers yet. The Current Truth is always changing, you know And remember, Comrade Bernsky has always been The Current Truth™.

The Onion is round and soft. The Kube is sharp and hard. When looked at though this lens, is it any wonder The Onion is a mutt while the Kube remains a purebred?

A top donor for Hillary buying The Onion is like watching movies of Steve Martin as a serious actor.

Hillary's Chefs Peel Onions for Berned-at-the-Stalk Feast


Says our Fearless Leaderette, Hillary:

"Since the advent of modern refrigeration made ice picks obsolete, I hereby decree that Sanders must be "Berned at the Stalk."



Therefore, after acquiring The Onion, we temporarily ceased dutifully peeling Onions in order to prepare to make Bernaise for the banquet to celebrate her rise to the pinnacle of power.

We ordered peasants to use their sickles to cut large amounts of straw and use their hammers to build a suitable altar for "Berning Sanders" for his deviancy in seeking to get ahead of Hillary in the Party Line.

We all know that capitalist pigs become rich capitalist pigs by breaking in line ahead of peasants otherwise next in line to enjoy the riches of egalitarian sameness, so even though Sanders speaks the words of egalitarianism, his attempt to break in line ahead of Hillary really proves that he is a bourgeoisie counter-revolutionary masquerading as a leader of "The Revolution."

As we prepare for the celebratory banquet (after Sanders being "Berned at the Stalk"), we can only hope that Che Gourmet will join us to provide some specially suitable dishes to give our loyal peasants some well-deserved breaks from their hearty diet of beets.

--KOOK
Note-- To prevent "link-decay" or post-publication-revisionism, I use links to the Internet Archives in the WayBack Machine whenever possible.

What a tragedy. I almost liked the onion.

Capitalist Pig wrote:What a tragedy. I almost liked the onion.

The Onion gives you tears, but the Beet does not.

Hammer and Loupe wrote:

Capitalist Pig wrote:What a tragedy. I almost liked the onion.

The Onion gives you tears, but the Beet does not.

True, but The Onion goes great when marinated in Italian Dressing.