The People's Cube - Political Satire

We were told we had to publish this Joseph Stalin the 3rd's Public Address #3, or else...

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Joseph Stalin the 3rd: Public Address #3

Dobroye utro, my brave social justice warriors. That's Good Morning for you uncultured, right wing scum.

Joe Stalin the 3^rd here again. Today I am in Detroit, just across the strait from what I consider to be a fine example of social progress – Canada. It is cold here, almost like my favorite cottage back home, on the shores of Lake Baikal. After many talks with my good friend Mao Their Dung, we have now decided to expand our new communist territory across the entire North American continent.

As you may have learned comrades, Canada has recently elected a new, Liberal Prime Minister – Justin Trudeau, or as I like to call him – JT. Just like in America, where family dynasties seem to have a stranglehold on the political landscape, JT's father was one of the most famous left wing political strategists in Canadian history, rising to the position of Prime Minister and bringing “Trudeaumania” to popular Canadian culture. As the young JT worked to find his way in life, he could not help but be pulled himself into the political spectrum. This was my hope all along. JT is the perfect candidate to continue our consolidation of North American continent.

When JT is not doing strip teases, boxing or acting in movies about the Great War, he is busy spending his peoples' money on important social projects, like feminism. JT's dynastic grip is so strong that in the 2015 Federal election he was able to increase the liberal seats in government by nearly one hundred and fifty, the largest increase in Canadian history. And who cares if Canada's manufacturing is moving to Mexico and the Southern United States, so long as Marijuana is legal. These fools will be stoned to death when the time comes to affect the change to a new reality.

As JT is nearly the same age as me and Mao, the three of us should be able to destroy all opposition swiftly. Mao likes to call us the 3 pengyous, or friends to my English speaking comrades. Also known as Amigos.

Which brings me to my next topic for today's groupthink session– My comrades from South of the border.

I know there are many of you here in America. Some are here legally, many are not. But who cares, you are here and you should have everything for free just like the other non-native Americans.

But let me ask you this, do you really think that Bill's wife, or anyone other than Bernie Sanders, actually cares about you? They troll the political waters, back and forth, chumming all the way with dollar bills and plastic smiles. And let's not forget affectionate photo opportunities filled with hugs and handshakes.

You, my Latin comrades, are exactly what we need for the new communism in North America. You work hard and you don't ask questions. Fear not my sombrero wearing friends, you will not be deported from our new United State. Well that's because no one will ever be able to leave anyway, but we will embrace you, JT, Mao and I. You can call us your fathers for we will give birth to the new and only identity within the Peoples' Republic of United Democrats. The worker.

Perhaps you are aware of the famous sculpture - “The Thinker.” A piece of garbage. A waste of bronze that could have been used to make shackles - and dangerous to our new state. Even the man who created it, his name, it reminds me of a rodent and rodents are only good to be crushed and turned into rations. There is a version of this piece of trash right here in Detroit. It is no wonder I hate this place. I have never seen so many capitalists in one place in all of my life. Not since Bernie and I first met and discussed the transition to communism here is America have I yearned so much to enjoy a hot bowl of Shukey, while watching a grown man receive lashings for having capitalist sentiments.

As I stand here looking at this great border between America and Canada comrades, I see a large bridge. It should be perfect for dropping freethinkers to their deaths, wearing a pair of cement shoes, crafted from the rubble of industry by former capitalist slaves.

We have much to do here in America to move forward with the new Peoples' Republic of United Democrats. Thanks to my friends Mao, JT and of course – Bernie – We will be able to ride off to our new So Cal headquarters, singing anthems to the people and staying in the confiscated homes of success criminals all the way. Mao is organizing the largest dog roast in North America history to celebrate our collective victory. And stay tuned for more information about our complete conquest of the North American continent.

I will leave you with a little something that Mao has been working on for the new national anthem of our United State of America.

Until next time comrades - Here's to receiving your money and possessions.

Bernie Sanders 2016!!

Joe.

Yeah, that about puts the cap on a cold, dark and depressing month.

Lev Termen wrote:Yeah, that about puts the cap on a cold, dark and depressing month.

Holy nuts! It's March already!? That means we're one more month away from the State favorite time of year! I can FEEL the ELECTRIC TINGLE of that wonderful day already...

Hello my new Comrades.

I must have hit a nerve with the success criminals as my group think sessions appear to have been taken down from my thought control distribution channel.

Thankfully they are still available through this glorious porthole of truth!!

I have contacted the enemy to try and understand if this was simply a mistake, or a thought crime.

Good news Comrades.

After some friendly conversation with the enemy, they reluctantly agree to put my content back up for collective viewing.

Welcome to the Cube, Joseph Stalin the 3rd!

Did you know you can actually separate the words in your name with spaces? It's the wonders of the kapitalist tekhnology and our Text Editor for the Rich, which will soon be expropriated and redistributed to the commenting masses!

Thank you comrade for the kind greetings and good evening.

I have been watching you all for some time now, waiting for the korekt moment to reveal myself.

To answer your question, from the time I was a young comrade my Grandfather would beat into my head, with a stick - "Capitalists are scum!!" For this purpose, and because I was trained in the logic of deception, I try to write my name in such a way that capitalists cannot read it. This tells me that you are probably not a capitalist.

I just got back from Detroit. It is beyond my ability to describe to you the infestation of capitalists I discovered there. This we can discuss another time.

I look forward to building our new communist state together. I'm glad you all agree.

Joe

Red Square wrote:

Stalin_3rd_Detroit.jpg

We were told we had to publish this Joseph Stalin the 3rd's Public Address #3, or else...

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Joseph Stalin the 3rd: Public Address #3

Perhaps you are aware of the famous sculpture - “The Thinker.” A piece of garbage. A waste of bronze that could have been used to make shackles - and dangerous to our new state. Even the man who created it, his name, it reminds me of a rodent and rodents are only good to be crushed and turned into rations. There is a version of this piece of trash right here in Detroit. It is no wonder I hate this place. I have never seen so many capitalists in one place in all of my life. Not since Bernie and I first met and discussed the transition to communism here is America have I yearned so much to enjoy a hot bowl of Shukey, while watching a grown man receive lashings for having capitalist sentiments.

Have no fear my furry friend. It is much easier to turn a rat into a ration, than it is a squirrel. Get it? Because "rat" is the first 3 letters in ration...I got a good chuckle out of that one today at the Stalinization plant, while I was operating the peoples' human re-purposing machine.

JosephStalinthe3rd wrote:Have no fear my furry friend. It is much easier to turn a rat into a ration, than it is a squirrel. Get it? Because "rat" is the first 3 letters in ration...I got a good chuckle out of that one today at the Stalinization plant, while I was operating the peoples' human re-purposing machine.

Komrade Stalin III, you clearly haven't been here long, have you? In the People's Komissary we have a product called "Soylent Red". It's made by grinding up thoughtkriminals into a fine, fine powder and freeze-drying the powder. Tastes great, especially with a beet and cabbage sandwich. And there's a bit of ash from the Great Thoughtkriminal Purge Fire of 1927 at the core of each and every People's Cube. Although, thoughtkriminals are unpersons, so we technically aren't repurposing humans.

Comrade Stierlitz, you are korekt. I have been watching all of you on this site only since my friend Bernie finally gained some momentum. I was not certain at first that this was the real thing, it seemed like maybe a joke. But then the real truth showed itself and I knew - yes, these are comrades!!

This "Soylent Red" - it sounds glorious and reminds me of a recipe my Mother passed down. I will provide more instruction on recipe in my next group think session broadcast.

Comrade Stalin III, are you running to be great leader of USSA, because you have my vote.

Hello Comrade Hammer and Loupe, thank you for your unsolicited vote of konfidence. You have more or less hit the nail on the head.

Bernie, Mao Their Dung (Chairman Mao's Grandson) and I have been planning the new communism for North America for some time. We chose "United State of America" because it would work to wrap the children of our new communism in a familiar blanket. As you likely realize, the name is meaningless so long as the peoples' money is diverted to the korekt causes. As it is kommon for glorious communist governments to use numerous acronyms, there may yet be room for "USSA" in our future propaganda.

With communist greetings.

Joe.

Comrade Joe, welcome to our humble cube where we have been diligently manufacturing the current truth since 2005! Indeed Detroit is full of capitalist as is most of Michigan, their infestation seems to have reached this putrid country to it's very core. But as I type this your friend and our comrade Bernie Sanders is just a few short miles away, or should I say Kilometers? I hate using those rotten Imperialist and racist units of measurement....

Going back to Comrade Sanders and his humble visit to Michigan, his light is currently shining upon the deepest darkest regions of this state while he visits, you can watch the capitalist pigs scatter like the countless cockroaches they are in the most equal display of social justice not seen since 1917!

Again, welcome to the cube!

Thank you for the kind greetings Comrade Chedoh, and might I add - were you at my safehouse last night? I woke up with a substance on my fingers that looked very similar to your humble skin tone.

Comrade General Sekretary Sanders was at my safehouse in middle America last night, where we discussed our plans and I advised him not to drink the water on his podium during the debate with Bill's wife. However I did not notice the peculiar stains on his fingers when I bid him farewell. Perhaps you snuck in while I was counting liberals jumping over the corpses of capitalist pigs.

It is important that I keep my distance from my puppet, excuse me - friend, in public so as not to alert the capitalists to our impending takeover Konspiracy.

It is good to be here with so many comrades.

I will be taking a work vacation next week to monitor the Florida primary. I will be deep underkover.

With Communist Greetings.

Joe

JosephStalinthe3rd wrote:Thank you for the kind greetings Comrade Chedoh, and might I add - were you at my safehouse last night? I woke up with a substance on my fingers that looked very similar to your humble skin tone.

I admit it, Comrade. You do understand that we need to be careful of just who we allow into our prestigious little kommunist korner of the internet. We can't allow someone in without some sort of minor extensive investigation, now can we? So I conducted a late night raid of your quarters just to be sure you are on the level. You will be pleased to know that I haven't found anything that could be used against you..... yet.

I assure you Comrade Chedoh, the only skeletons in my kloset are capitalist trophies that I have kollekted since childhood. My bloodtype is PRoL+

I admire your willingness to go the extra kilometer in vetting those who claim to be true communists. Your breaking and entering skills are unmatched for if not for the humble skin tone stains, I would never have known of your presence.

Since you WERE inside of my safehouse, can I ask you - What did you think of the success criminal rug in front of the the incinerator? I wasn't sure if I placed it properly with the grain of the hard-work-wood floor.

JosephStalinthe3rd wrote:I assure you Comrade Chedoh, the only skeletons in my kloset are capitalist trophies that I have kollekted since childhood. My bloodtype is PRoL+

I admire your willingness to go the extra kilometer in vetting those who claim to be true communists. Your breaking and entering skills are unmatched for if not for the humble skin tone stains, I would never have known of your presence.

Since you WERE inside of my safehouse, can I ask you - What did you think of the success criminal rug in front of the the incinerator? I wasn't sure if I placed it properly with the grain of the hard-work-wood floor.

I thought it was equally tasteful myself. Even the incinerator was a quaint little touch that was a reminiscent of former times when the likes of Lenin and your prestigious grandfather were still here to give us their selfless service to the people.

May I ask what kind of kulak your rug was made from? perhaps a small business owner or some kind if Reich Wing bigot? Maybe a baker who refused to bend their knee to a social minority? The possibilities are endless!

He was a bloodsucking farmer who hoarded enough grain to feed his entire family. Disgusting.

Ah, yes... I just love hearing stories of the good old days.

Captain Craptek wrote:Ah, yes... I just love hearing stories of the good old days.

Comrade, those are terrible da... oh I see there. Sarcasm is State approved, is it not?

Hammer and Loupe wrote:

Captain Craptek wrote:Ah, yes... I just love hearing stories of the good old days.

Comrade, those are terrible da... oh I see there. Sarcasm is State approved, is it not?

Comrade,

I must ask my Jiffy-Lobo technician what I mean by the things I say. I sometimes wonder myself.