The People's Cube - Political Satire

THE ANTICLIMATEE-C ™

(*Serving Suggestion)

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BUT WAIT!!! If you Call Now, we'll give you a special combo price to include one of our beloved classic products: THE REASSERTING STATION ™ !!!


499.99 Carbon Credits (4)


THAT'S RIGHT!!! THE ANTICLIMATEE-C ™ & THE REASSERTING STATION ™ FOR JUST 499.99 CARBON CREDITS!!!

SO CALL NOW!!!

GIVE BACK TO THE PEOPLE!!!

GIVE IT TO THE PLANET!!!

CALL NOW, FOR MARX SAKE!!!

1555-555-782537

1555-555-782537

1555-555-782537



And be the first to go out and say: I Own Something That Does Nothing To Kill This Planet!!! (5)

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(2) The Zero Carbon footprint may or may not be an accurate assessment regarding the individual recycled components.

(3) The functionality of the Solyndra solar panel is as in the final product delivered to the US government.

(5) The product may or may not do anything to kill the planet, but the intention behind its purpose is what really counts.

I see you spent your saturday making Glorious Posts instead of indulging in useless and reactionary activities such as 'social drinking'. I applaud your spirit!

I need some advice. There's a special day fast approaching and I only have so many carbon credits. Do I save my marriage or the planet?

Comrade Minitrue - Given that the Female Underwear Redistribution™ plan is in full swing around here, I don't think that going out without the proper redistributable accoutrements would be fair for the collective…. Because thinking is a crime, right?

Comrade Putin on the Ritz - Sorry, but we won't be able to accommodate you on this particular request; the best we can do, is to send our dacha-mate, Apparatchick Candynsky, to help you set up the new unit:


As the political commissar to the Delta-Tau-Zeta Sorority and seven time winner of the “Ukrainian Barely Teen” Award™, she knows how to get things going… So, how many units should we put you down for, tovarishch?

Oh, and if you're blue and don't know where to go to, why don't you go where the green flits, Comrade Putin on the Ritz?

Comrade Biff Henderson – Don't worry, The People's Products™ (TPP) is nothing if not understanding, you can do both just by signing our First Born Escrow Agreement™; so get your unit, keep "plowing those beets" *wink-wink* *nudge-nudge* and The Party™ will guarantee the fulfillment of the acquired obligation.

NikitaTransCyberskaya you have succeeded admirably in elucidating the People's Truth! Perhaps you can answer this question that has been preying on my mind these last few days: Now that Comrade Obama has gone to visit the Castro Comrades in Cuba, I expect that the Great Taxpayer Kollective will provide him with as many of these ANTICLIMATEE-C ™ machines as needed to offset the carbon footprint of his visit. But, will these machines give him the necessary ¡Ay, cabrón! offsets?

Oh, and please send Comrade Candynsky over right away to set up the "new unit" and to discuss the beet harvest.

NikitaTransCyberskaya wrote:
Comrade Biff Henderson – Don't worry, The People's Products™ (TPP) is nothing if not understanding, you can do both just by signing our First Born Escrow Agreement™; so get your unit, keep "plowing those beets" *wink-wink* *nudge-nudge* and The Party™ will guarantee the fulfillment of the acquired obligation.

Comrade NikitaTransCyberskaya:

Plowing those beets!? I don't know what side of the Collective™ you woke up on but the last time I had the energy to wash my face before collapsing from exhaustion my wife denounced me and the next thing you known I'm on a train platform with shovel in hand. No thank you. As you are new I present the following: the bobble serves a decorative as well as a utilitarian function of a pendulum to develop a “krasny” (Hoeing bump or beautiful bruise), a status symbol among womyn that is proudly displayed with a low-cut reaping blouse during harvest time. The practice was believed to be started by the Bulgars of the Volga Basin and it quickly spread throughout the Motherland.

Over and over, like a shovel to the head
If I have to go through the humiliation of another harvest season without a proper krasny, we're through!

Where do I turn? Do I wait for the newest update of the World Happiness Report to gauge my well-being? In the end, I must remind myself not to fret and whatever my fate, Dear Leader knows best.


https://www.ibtimes.co.uk/generation-fr ... mpaign=rss

This People's Product reminds me of the Next Big Thing invented by Al-Gore:

Al-Gore wrote:

This may actually be the biggest thing I ever invented. I have a feeling it's so big I may not be able to invent anything else after this. I don't have a name for it yet. I'll know it when I figure out what it does.

Alternately you can go here and do your own guessing.

Comrade Tamquam Leo Rugiens - The Carbon - Cabrón offset situation has been a conundrum for The Party™, but the easiest way to fix this seems to be to throw more money into it, and maybe, in a few years we'll be able to work out a committee to address the need for a vote to create a commission that will select the best way to name a group of experts that can appoint an ensemble of scientists to redact a proper statement regarding the best way to deal with this situation.

And as soon as you send us your filled Dc6 111a 2011, DC6-111B, DS-230 (parts 1 to 76), FL-311 to 42, G-325 (a,b,c, d & s), ReF-0813 and PRC-TRM-008 requisiton forms (as usual, original by triplicate, the statements of two witnesess -that will be used in the need of a show trial- and signed with your own blood using a raven's feather plucked under a Blood Moon during a Walpurgisnacht ritual performed on Eostara - Also available at The People's Products™ (TPP) store!!!), Apparatchik Candynsky will be at your door with your new unit in 2 to 3 weeks.
(*Apparatchik Candynsky may or may not look like portrayed in the promotional picture. **Beet Harvest discussions are billed separately)


Comrade Biff Henderson - We understand, and apparently you've been over-thinking things a little bit too much for the acceptable Party™ standards, so, as a thank you for the bobble too, we'll send you for free the Reasserting Station™ along with Apparatchik Candynsky's Party Enforcer during her Ukrainian campaign, Politruk Klitschko, to guide you through the reasserting process and provide an extra 2000 psi of Working Assertiveness Pressure to keep your life as happy as The Party™ has decided it should be.


(***Politruk Klitschko may an will look larger than in the promotional picture)


Comrade Red Square - The People's Products™ (TPP) always has been proud of taking great ideas, like the one from the Righteous Doom-Prophet Gore, and give them a twist to improve the People's lives. In this case, we simplified the original idea, so the Zero Emissions effect was achieved by giving the AntiClimatee-C™ a Zero Functionality Potential.

Also, it's worth mentioning that the Reasserting Station™ got a makeover. The intuitive dashboard has been improved to offer the best experience possible, with our two original patents: the Free Social Program Finder Finger Scan™ and the Only Party Approved Answers Keyboard™ .