[img]/images/Left_Handers_Privilege.png[/img]

Comrades, we have a new glorious victim group that needs its special rights created protected. Left handed people are forced to live in houses that are built for privileged right handed people. The Chief Justice of the University of New Orleans said so. If you are right handed, even if you are a leftwinger (as you are expected to be!) check your privilege, comrade!

So what do we do with these oppressive houses? Who would want to live in a handist house? Dear Leader will soon be retiring and has asked the reichwing Congress for an 18% raise in spending on former chief executives. Poor Dear Leader. He has this problem of being so modest with his demands requests. Why, someone as glorious as Dear Leader naturally deserves a 2,000% increase and all for himself. No need to give equal funds to the other former leaders who just weren't as great as Dear Leader. Anyway, to make up for the lack of a 2,000% increase, shouldn't we just donate all our houses to Dear Leader?

Dear Leader is left handed. So, he is part of this newly discovered victim group. If you own a house, you are one of the oppressors because your house is built for privileged right handed people. Therefore, as a form of reparations to left handed victims of oppression, donate your house to Dear Leader. He will naturally see to it that the house is fixed so there it no longer oppresses left handed people. Then he will sell redistribute it to a victim of handist oppression. If you are lucky enough, Dear Leader might even keep it for himself or one of his cronies political hacks good friends. But ONLY if the house is good enough to meet Dear Leader's elitist very high standards.

Donate your house, comrades. It's for the children.

In the newspeak dictionary of the European Kommissariat the words "left" and "right" will be eliminated, so nobody will feel bad about being "left handed" or "right handed".

One notices one or two of these micro-aggressions and then, suddenly , all the ones that escaped notice for years become glaringly obvious.

What about the motor vehicle gas pedals all being on the right. Doesn't that discriminate against left-footed people? Also the word "righteous" has no egalitarian matching word "lefteous." On the other hand, or foot, a person can be a right cunt (https://www.urbandictionary.com/define. ... right+cunt) but there's no equivalent left cunt, so that must also be fixed out of fairness.

If I donate my house (and I fully intend to, don't get me wrong, Vlad, just asking) do I need to change the handedness of the doors before I drop the keys off with the commissars at the train platform?

For the record this topic is a second installment in our fight against the right-handist hegemony and persecution. Here's the first one:

Left-handers: the last frontier of social justice

Comrade Red Square, glorious header as always!

Comrade Minitrue, most definitely. We need to eliminate any distinction because we should all be leftist. Anyone on the formerly "right" is a fascist plain and simple, with their new fascist leader Donald <spit> Trump!

Comrade Putin on the Ritz, this is a sport for racist redneck privileged white people and must be eliminated. Remember, our party requires immunization vaccines before members attend one of these shows.

Comrade Dedhedvedev, I would say ordinarily that this is a problem except that people are not supposed to be driving cars anyway. It causes global warming, you know. So, the elimination of this horrendous microaggression is more public transportation and total elimination of cars. Well, except for people who need to drive to anti-Trump rallies so they can stand in the middle of streets and jump on vehicles which they perceive are headed to Trump rallies. Or people who are protesting corporations. Or people protesting at colleges even if they don't go there. Or.... Well, I guess we will have to do something about this glaring microaggression. Some of these protestors might be left footed. They probably are, in fact.

Comrade Ivan Betinov, I think that's a good idea. Yes, indeed, fix your house up to be appropriate for left handed people. Dear Leader could have his union workers do it. But then even though you donated the house, he would have to charge you prevailing rate and then his own take to actually have your donation made usable for this newly discovered victim group. We must do our fair share for Dear Leader.

Until such time the government sees fit to ban these planet killers only the most equal will do.

Biff Henderson wrote:

Most Equal.jpg

Until such time the government sees fit to ban these planet killers only the most equal will do.

There's just one problem- The plastic ones are the definition of a disturbance of the peace. Why not implement a system where the machine twists the wire towards the right and then twists the next wire towards the left?

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:
There's just one problem- The plastic ones are the definition of a disturbance of the peace. Why not implement a system where the machine twists the wire towards the right and then twists the next wire towards the left?

Comrade Stierlitz:

Having shared a household with a member of the oppressed class for over 35 years we can both attest to the frustration of having to determine the current direction of the twist. If we were able to recover all those lost moments in time we could dig the irrigation ditch of our dreams. Naturally, it is normative to think in terms of spreading the misery but perhaps there is a more equal way.

Comrade Biff