The People's Cube - Political Satire

Yeah, The Secret Service brought out the posse for this one!

Washington (AFP) - Authorities temporarily placed the White House on lockdown Monday after someone threw a metal object over the fence around the presidential mansion, officials said.
Reporters working at the White House said a woman had been arrested.

"An individual threw a metal object over the north fence line at the White House," the Secret Service said in a statement after the approximately three-hour lockdown ended.
"Secret Service uniformed division officers immediately apprehended the individual without incident."

Officials said they conducted "protective sweeps" of the object but determined it was not a threat. "The White House has returned to normal operations," the Secret Service said.
President Barack Obama had been attending a Memorial Day service at Arlington National Cemetery when the incident occurred.

While no mention was made as to what the “metal object” actually was, I have it on exclusive authority that this is the “metal object” they made all the fuss about:

Yeah, someone chucked a beer can over the White House fence. I understand that plans are in place to make the fence higher. My question is: “Why would you make it higher when you can just chuck it THROUGH the fence. I mean, it's not like it's a WALL or anything. Oh well, that's just me. What do I know?

To quote Glenn Reynolds of PJ Media: "Yes, our country is in the best of hands."

National Security is threatened by litterbugs!

Hillary warned us all in an e-mail.... oh, wait...

in the meantime, alert the TSA, EPA, Park police, and that guy with the funny hat who picks up cans for a living...

Know the Warning Signs If you suspect environmental terrorists are active in your community report it immediately to the local authorities.

Your dear leader had a mighty good time at Arlington Cemetery!

If your ignorant grandfathers had not been so stupid to come and die here in Europe I would now have the joy of speaking German and living in a perfect, utopian, supranational totalitarian state. Damn them!

Comrade Ivan, you're right! If you see something suspicious, SAY something suspicious. This will always lead to more government "intervention." This is a good thing!

Comrade Biff, same for you!

Comrade Minitrue, you are Korrect! Death by Utopia! Just ask Venezuelans, they'll tell you a thing or two.

Pamalinsky wrote:Comrade Ivan, you're right! If you see something suspicious, SAY something suspicious. This will always lead to more government "intervention." This is a good thing!

Comrade Biff, same for you!

Comrade Minitrue, you are Korrect! Death by Utopia! Just ask Venezuelans, they'll tell you a thing or two.

I saw something suspicious today. My ice cream cone had a crack down the side and I never once dropped it on the floor. So, Pammy, you wanna go to the turtle ranch in E-5 and go dig up some pickled kolbassi for the green and purple midget men?

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Pamalinsky wrote:Comrade Ivan, you're right! If you see something suspicious, SAY something suspicious. This will always lead to more government "intervention." This is a good thing!

Comrade Biff, same for you!

Comrade Minitrue, you are Korrect! Death by Utopia! Just ask Venezuelans, they'll tell you a thing or two.

I saw something suspicious today. My ice cream cone had a crack down the side and I never once dropped it on the floor. So, Pammy, you wanna go to the turtle ranch in E-5 and go dig up some pickled kolbassi for the green and purple midget men?

Um, er, ah, well, yeah, I guess so? (Bwahahahaha!) Magnificently obtuse, Stierlitz. (Bwahahahaha!)

.
Here - in Krautland - we got a transmission about this (apparently jocular) D.C. social event. Details below (translated into NoKrautSpeak) :

"... transmission is possibly from some - not quite specified - future, likely near future."

"... indeed, a metal object was thrown into the inner perimeter of the White House* ."

"... however - that metal object was much much smaller than a beer can."

"... a careful calibration of the object was possible, investigating experts said."

"... leading investigator : No, the object was not hurled, manually hurled."

"... (unintelligible, whispers) (now clear) yes, the hurling device is known."

"... indeed, it has been identified. yes, found, indeed. yes, we found it."

"... what, caliber? this, and no more questions : calibers of hurling and hurled objects are same."

"... wwwell, .. uh, nobody here said it was unique. the hurled object, I mean."

"... yeah, uh.. several objects."

"... no no. not all here. north side and east side and south side involved."

"... what, caliber? type? no comment.
......agent D. Harry is on that. no, no comment. only his trademark make my day."

"... yesss. (silence) yess, some traces recorded.
......(frantic questions) stop it. audio and video, period."

"... (overlapping questions, unintell.) this much we know :
......sounded like '..bar ', '..qu-bar!', '..hu-bar!', or so."

"... (question, faint) ... well, ahm. ye.. (silence) (prolonged silence)
......(harrumph) indeed, shalwar kameez style, definitely shalwar kameez, all five."


Allegedly, an attendant of the investigative presser murmured : this is the Fajgenbaum stole portemonnaie story.

Reportedly, he was asked : vots dsat ?, whereupon he telegraphically rattled off the following, in heavy accent :

... o yep, Fajgenbaum stole portemonnaie. Printed, next corrected :
......first - not Fajgenbaum, but Gryncwajg ;
........second : not portemonnaie, but pocketwatch ;
...........and third : not Gryncwajg stole, but him stolen.

The accent was identified : East European Volhynia-Podolian Ashkenazi.



* due to brave reporting of Comrade Minitrue, now known as White Hut (alt.) Ocher House.

Could this be related to the Unidentified Flying Object speeding over the WH fence?

A UFO? Video captures strange object near Ohio military base

Shouldn't that be an Amerika can?




Capitalist pigs!

Speaking of beer cans...

The most distressing thing about said metal object. Absolutely every single drop was gone, there was no happy reward for the finder. Next time throw full cans!!

Pamalinsky wrote:

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Pamalinsky wrote:Comrade Ivan, you're right! If you see something suspicious, SAY something suspicious. This will always lead to more government "intervention." This is a good thing!

Comrade Biff, same for you!

Comrade Minitrue, you are Korrect! Death by Utopia! Just ask Venezuelans, they'll tell you a thing or two.

I saw something suspicious today. My ice cream cone had a crack down the side and I never once dropped it on the floor. So, Pammy, you wanna go to the turtle ranch in E-5 and go dig up some pickled kolbassi for the green and purple midget men?

Um, er, ah, well, yeah, I guess so? (Bwahahahaha!) Magnificently obtuse, Stierlitz. (Bwahahahaha!)

That is one of the best pick-up lines I have ever heard, Stierlitz. Sorry I didn't mention it earlier.

Red Square wrote:Speaking of ...

.....................!!! breaking news... ( St. Pete Times / Tampa Bay Times ) :

Pamalinsky wrote: That is one of the best pick-up lines I have ever heard, Stierlitz. Sorry I didn't mention it earlier.

[ON], [OFF], and [IN-BETWEEN], all at the same time.

It's your mind that's in the gutter, Pammy, not mine. I was simply suggesting going to a ranch populated with turtles on grid square E-5 of a road map, dig up some pickled kolbassi that had been left there, supposedly by the Mexicans, and give said kolbassi to a couple midgets that live in a subterranean civilization. I'm surprised you didn't go down to the copyright office and get the copyright of it for a new sci-fi/wild west movie. It honestly sounds like the new Star Wars, a cult classic just waiting to be made. Stretch it out into a 3 or 6-hour epic like Ben-Hur (The amazing 1959 one, not that disgusting one they're making right now) and I think it'll get onto the AFI top 100. Of course I'm jesting.

But since you mentioned pick-up line, I'll deliberately attempt at making an odd one.

Hey {NAME}, lets go down to Las Olamos and go to the chinchilla farm. I'll get you a 7-Up with EtOH and I'll get a 5-Up with Sildenafil. Then I'll steal a brass doorhandle from the Tupperware Emporium, you'll epoxy it onto the Jolly Green Giant's nose, I'll solve a People's Dodecahedron, and then we'll both go to plaid yelling "Hi-Yo Silver"!

I hope this has amused you. I'm disgusted with myself for writing such a thing.

Baby, let's you and me go off somewhere and do about three or four things that are highly illegal in Georgia.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:

Pamalinsky wrote: That is one of the best pick-up lines I have ever heard, Stierlitz. Sorry I didn't mention it earlier.

[ON], [OFF], and [IN-BETWEEN], all at the same time.

It's your mind that's in the gutter, Pammy, not mine. I was simply suggesting going to a ranch populated with turtles on grid square E-5 of a road map, dig up some pickled kolbassi that had been left there, supposedly by the Mexicans, and give said kolbassi to a couple midgets that live in a subterranean civilization. I'm surprised you didn't go down to the copyright office and get the copyright of it for a new sci-fi/wild west movie. It honestly sounds like the new Star Wars, a cult classic just waiting to be made. Stretch it out into a 3 or 6-hour epic like Ben-Hur (The amazing 1959 one, not that disgusting one they're making right now) and I think it'll get onto the AFI top 100. Of course I'm jesting.

But since you mentioned pick-up line, I'll deliberately attempt at making an odd one.

Hey {NAME}, lets go down to Las Olamos and go to the chinchilla farm. I'll get you a 7-Up with EtOH and I'll get a 5-Up with Sildenafil. Then I'll steal a brass doorhandle from the Tupperware Emporium, you'll epoxy it onto the Jolly Green Giant's nose, I'll solve a People's Dodecahedron, and then we'll both go to plaid yelling "Hi-Yo Silver"!

I hope this has amused you. I'm disgusted with myself for writing such a thing.

Why yes, Stierlitz, it most definitely amuses me and I thank you for your concern.

Your post reminds me of a scene in the movie Love Potion No. 9 about two nerdy scientists (not saying you are nerdy but, I like nerds) where the male lead (Tate Donovan) gets his revenge on a hot but stupid girl who had rejected him for not being able to identify the designer of her outfit.

After he and his partner-in-science (Sandra Bullock) discover Love Potion No. 9, he ingests it and goes on a rampage to test it. Evidently, the mere sound of his voice elicits desire from the recipient. This scene shows one result. You must listen till the very last second because that's when the whole point of his test is made. Enjoy! It's hilarious!

Red Square wrote:Could this be related to the Unidentified Flying Object speeding over the WH fence?

A UFO? Video captures strange object near Ohio military base

UFO_Sightings.jpg

Well, I dunno, Comrade Red, but it's close enough for me!