9/11/2016, 10:00 am
Because of all the controversy, Dear Empress-to-be is distancing herself from the Clinton Crime Syndicate Webshop (also known as the Clinton Foundation™). If the unimaginable happens and the evil Trump wins your petty Amerikkan "elections," the shop will probably close permanently.
So it is high time for a stock sale! Just track the local Clinton franchise in your neighborhood and get there as fast as you can... the best pieces will sell out rather quickly!
Are you a Third-World dictator and want some "charity money" for your country so you can spend more resources on palaces and bullets to shoot the opposition? No problem, just say the magic word (and give the magic greenbacks) and it can be arranged.
You want to abolish one of those silly "constitutional amendments"? You want to harass some Trump supporters? The Clinton Webshoppe has a whole catalogue of rent-a-lefties to organise violent protests wherever you want. (Be aware: the Trigglypuff and Melissa Click Leftofascist gangs are already fully booked until November).
Urgently in need of some racial violence in your town, to make sure the local sheeple keep voting for the "good guys" (wink, wink)? There are special discounts on BLM attack squads in October.
So hurry up, comrades, this might be your last chance to buy some leverage in the heart of Amerikkan politics! Only while supplies last!
Yours in selling out fundamental values,
Comrade Minitrue
