10/25/2016, 3:37 pm
MOTHER THERESA ACCUSES DONALD TRUMP OF SLOPPY KISSING
ASSOCIATED PRESS OCT. 25, 1989, 2:22 P.M. E.D.T.
"He came running up to me from out of the crowd, with wet lips, mouth agape, tongue wagging, dribbling saliva" cried Mother Theresa to the two policemen. "He looked mad!"
"Donald had both his tiny hands outstretched with fingers wiggling, mumbling something about kittens," sobbed Mother Theresa, as one of the policemen took notes and handed her a Kleenex exactly 27 years ago today.
The cops were writing down the report when Mother Theresa cried out again in a loud wail, holding her cross to her lips. "He looked wild," she said about The Donald. "His hair was orange!" Mother shrieked recalling that image, sitting down on her bed, shaking wildly as the policeman tried to calm her.
"He grabbed me in a tight hug," sobbed Mother Theresa, "and then planted his slobbering wet lips into my right ear as I turned my face away."
"A gallon of saliva ran in my right ear, I still hear the gurgling sounds," cried the sainted woman. The cop reached into his first aid bag and handed her a Q-Tip. "Here, Mother, use this," said the kind policeman to her.
"May I kiss you?," he asked.
When AP got wind of this story, our reporter stood up at last night's Tampa rally to ask the candidate about why he beats his mother, why he hates Catholics, Christians, Jews, and little puppies, and about his advances on Mother Teresa.
Trump responded, "It's not true, the media lie, you lie, Obama and Hillary lie; and besides, it happened almost thirty years ago," adding, "she did not kiss that good anyway... and, I mean, did you take a look at her? Let me tell you, NO WAAAAAY!"
Our reporter was then escorted out, beaten with a shoe, and thrown on the sidewalk. It is clear that we, the media, did not instigate any of this and we never lie!
