11/14/2016, 5:08 pm
[img]/images/2016_Election_Scoreboard_Comedians.jpg[/img]
In what many describe as a shock of a lifetime, a celebrated team of late night comedians has been defeated Tuesday night by a much less known team called Early Morning Americans. Mainstream media observers and commentators, who have never heard of Early Morning Americans before last Tuesday, are now scrambling for answers, trying to find out just who exactly these newly discovered powerful players are.
Late Night Comedians' team captain, John Oliver, has nevertheless refused to accept defeat. Maintaining that "Late Night Comedians matter," he dedicated the entire season finale of his HBO show, "Last Week Tonight," to discussing his alleged loss and plotting a strategy to overturn the results in the minds of his audiences - which, as we all know, is all that matters.
Speaking in a standard American accent, Mr. Oliver addressed all Americans on behalf of all Americans, eviscerating the other team's players. According to Mr. Oliver, his opponents are un-American and shouldn't be allowed to play at all - a fact that automatically hands the victory over to the only legitimate team. Additionally, since Mr. Oliver and all the other Late Night Comedians never get out of bed earlier than 11:00am, neither of them has ever met or heard of the Early Morning Americans before, which further proves that the game was rigged against the Late Night Comedians and their audiences who tend to stay up late in order to watch their shows.
In related news, hundreds of thousands of millennials, who have recently graduated from college, have also been shocked to discover the existence of an electoral college. Up until now most of them were under the impression that U.S. presidential elections were decided by some kind of Late Night Comedian Index that has existed since the country's founding back in 1968 at the Woodstock Constitutional Convention - a historic event attended by their college professors - where the nation's Constitution was written by Jefferson Airplane and signed by the coolest celebrities of that legendary era.
Late Night Comedians appear to unanimously reject the notion that they themselves may be the reason why the other team has won. Most of them believe that if more people had followed them on Twitter and liked them on Facebook, we would be living in a different country this week. It's your fault, America! But do not despair beyond the usual temper tantrums you are experiencing right now - not everything is lost as long as Late Night Comedians are with you.
[img]/images/Late_Night_Comedians_Electoral_College.jpg[/img]
In what many describe as a shock of a lifetime, a celebrated team of late night comedians has been defeated Tuesday night by a much less known team called Early Morning Americans. Mainstream media observers and commentators, who have never heard of Early Morning Americans before last Tuesday, are now scrambling for answers, trying to find out just who exactly these newly discovered powerful players are.
Late Night Comedians' team captain, John Oliver, has nevertheless refused to accept defeat. Maintaining that "Late Night Comedians matter," he dedicated the entire season finale of his HBO show, "Last Week Tonight," to discussing his alleged loss and plotting a strategy to overturn the results in the minds of his audiences - which, as we all know, is all that matters.
Speaking in a standard American accent, Mr. Oliver addressed all Americans on behalf of all Americans, eviscerating the other team's players. According to Mr. Oliver, his opponents are un-American and shouldn't be allowed to play at all - a fact that automatically hands the victory over to the only legitimate team. Additionally, since Mr. Oliver and all the other Late Night Comedians never get out of bed earlier than 11:00am, neither of them has ever met or heard of the Early Morning Americans before, which further proves that the game was rigged against the Late Night Comedians and their audiences who tend to stay up late in order to watch their shows.
In related news, hundreds of thousands of millennials, who have recently graduated from college, have also been shocked to discover the existence of an electoral college. Up until now most of them were under the impression that U.S. presidential elections were decided by some kind of Late Night Comedian Index that has existed since the country's founding back in 1968 at the Woodstock Constitutional Convention - a historic event attended by their college professors - where the nation's Constitution was written by Jefferson Airplane and signed by the coolest celebrities of that legendary era.
Late Night Comedians appear to unanimously reject the notion that they themselves may be the reason why the other team has won. Most of them believe that if more people had followed them on Twitter and liked them on Facebook, we would be living in a different country this week. It's your fault, America! But do not despair beyond the usual temper tantrums you are experiencing right now - not everything is lost as long as Late Night Comedians are with you.
[img]/images/Late_Night_Comedians_Electoral_College.jpg[/img]
