1/24/2017, 5:50 pm
[img]/images/various_uploads/Trump_ISIS_Obamacare.jpg[/img]
It's only Trump's second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.
Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it's controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it's genius. I'm gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I'm going to make them pay for it. It's what I campaigned on, and I'm gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."
In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We're better than this," he said, peering over his glasses while registering indignation. "I know Trump was bragging about bringing back waterboarding and worse, but this - THIS - is over the top. Such cruel treatment of an enemy, even ISIS, is way out of accord with the Geneva Convention."
Retired Senator Harry Reid also weighed in. "Everybody knows Obamacare is a disaster. Why do you think we exempted ourselves from it while imposing it on the rest of America? It's only fair if white, middle class Americans go broke paying those premiums, but it's inconceivable that any other human being would be subjected to such cruel and unusual punishment."
Emerging from an emergency meeting of Democrat senators, Elizabeth Warren stated, "We're in shock. We didn't think there was anything worse than this - this - MAN could do. We all know it's going to boomerang on us. Every time we do something decisive to our enemy, they can use it as a recruiting tool. It was better when we had a president who didn't have a strategy."
ISIS has lodged a formal complaint with the United Nations Commission on Human Rights which promises to launch a thorough investigation immediately.
An ISIS source, speaking on condition of anonymity, complained, "This is barbaric. Many of the brothers already had health insurance which they had negotiated with a Halal health care provider of their choosing. Now some infidel bureaucrat decrees by fatwa from Washington that their plans are Haram. Many of them needed those plans, and now they are cruelly cut off from their health care provider. I know a brother who has to work another job just to pay for his health care, and he can't even afford a new suicide vest. Still another has to pay the fine because he can't find other work. It makes me sick to even think about it, and now I can't even afford to get sick. You see what he did to us? We are all trapped in a vicious cycle that is going to be the death of us!"
Emory University Professor of Political Science, Fouad Hafeez, had more to say. "It's not just that they have to go on an abomination of a barely accessible health care program, but this executive action has even denied the mujahedeen access to safe spaces and use of Play-Doh™. This is layer upon layer of one outrage after another. Only an angry, straight, rich, white, male infidel could be so insensitive and uncaring."
It's only Trump's second full day on the job, and already he has drawn international criticism: in an executive order signed today, the new president has enrolled all members of ISIS into Obamacare, effective immediately.
Defending his decision, President Trump told reporters, "Look, I know it's controversial, blah, blah, blah. But to me it's genius. I'm gonna make ISIS go on Obamacare, and I'm going to make them pay for it. It's what I campaigned on, and I'm gonna make it happen in the first 100 days."
In the U.S. Senate, Chuck Schumer rushed to a microphone. "We're better than this," he said, peering over his glasses while registering indignation. "I know Trump was bragging about bringing back waterboarding and worse, but this - THIS - is over the top. Such cruel treatment of an enemy, even ISIS, is way out of accord with the Geneva Convention."
Retired Senator Harry Reid also weighed in. "Everybody knows Obamacare is a disaster. Why do you think we exempted ourselves from it while imposing it on the rest of America? It's only fair if white, middle class Americans go broke paying those premiums, but it's inconceivable that any other human being would be subjected to such cruel and unusual punishment."
Emerging from an emergency meeting of Democrat senators, Elizabeth Warren stated, "We're in shock. We didn't think there was anything worse than this - this - MAN could do. We all know it's going to boomerang on us. Every time we do something decisive to our enemy, they can use it as a recruiting tool. It was better when we had a president who didn't have a strategy."
ISIS has lodged a formal complaint with the United Nations Commission on Human Rights which promises to launch a thorough investigation immediately.
An ISIS source, speaking on condition of anonymity, complained, "This is barbaric. Many of the brothers already had health insurance which they had negotiated with a Halal health care provider of their choosing. Now some infidel bureaucrat decrees by fatwa from Washington that their plans are Haram. Many of them needed those plans, and now they are cruelly cut off from their health care provider. I know a brother who has to work another job just to pay for his health care, and he can't even afford a new suicide vest. Still another has to pay the fine because he can't find other work. It makes me sick to even think about it, and now I can't even afford to get sick. You see what he did to us? We are all trapped in a vicious cycle that is going to be the death of us!"
Emory University Professor of Political Science, Fouad Hafeez, had more to say. "It's not just that they have to go on an abomination of a barely accessible health care program, but this executive action has even denied the mujahedeen access to safe spaces and use of Play-Doh™. This is layer upon layer of one outrage after another. Only an angry, straight, rich, white, male infidel could be so insensitive and uncaring."
