4/1/2017, 12:53 pm
Every year on April First, internationally known as The Current Truth Day, all progressive humanity celebrates the People's Cube's glorious anniversary. Twelve years ago today, on April 1, 2005, this Party Organ was launched out of an undisclosed bunker and swiftly rose over the horizon like the red hexahedron-shaped sun of the revolution, bringing the light of Party-approved thought straight out of the Motherland to the toiling masses of the darkened, non-socialist parts of planet Earth.
Workers and peasants of the world have traditionally marked the People's Cube birthday with massive parades. Wearing red hats and marching in spontaneous lockstep to the Marching Harmonica Army Band, they carried placards with the visage of the People's Cube and its fearsome but fair leadership. They chanted Party-approved slogans glorifying the leading role of the Party, and threw occasional bricks at the remnants of the bourgeois class.
This year, however, the celebrations will have to be muted. The epidemic of mental disorders and the general loss of perspective that has enervated the progressive humanity after the election of Donald Trump is only one part of the story.
The other part is the sudden change of heart in the perception of the glorious Motherland. Overnight, this indisputable role model has become the indisputable villain; the bringer of light is now the bringer of darkness. A similar change was described in our progressive manual titled "1984," where everyone suddenly realized that they had always been at war with Eastasia - and believed in it with maximum sincerity until the next Party directive.
Under these circumstances, any agitation and propaganda from the Motherland is perceived as ambiguous at best, and darkly sinister at worst. War is peace. Vodka is poison. Hammer and sickle is swastika. Red hats have "Make America Great Again" written on them.
We understand this as a temporary, forced measure by the powerful shadow government - a devious political maneuver aimed at destroying Trump in a pro-democracy coup d'état by the deep state. If that is the case, we will selflessly take one for the team, become collateral damage in the battle for progress, and perish in gulag for the Common Good.
And yet we are worried - what if we perish in vain? The progressives will always need some idealized foreign society as a role model and a source of inspiration. Until recently, that foreign society was the Motherland. Unfortunately, its place in the progressive hearts is now being increasingly redistributed to Islam.
Due to the current anti-Trump maneuver, when all good progressives believe they had always been at war with the Motherland, that special place in their hearts will most certainly be filled by Islamic interests. And as we know from history, whenever Islam moves in, it never leaves.
We love our Islamic comrades and have moved mountains to help Mohammed's followers to establish a foothold in the Western world. And yet we are worried. What if, after the anti-Motherland propaganda campaign is over and we will once again be in a position to serve as humanity's vanguard, there will no longer be a place for us in the progressive hearts to come back to? Only time will tell.
In the meantime, celebrate our glorious anniversary inconspicuously and with caution. Do not draw attention to yourselves by loud singing and marching in lockstep. Drink beet vodka out of brown paper bags. If you must use glasses, wrap them in handkerchiefs before clinking.
The glorious revolution is being indefinitely postponed.
