The People's Cube - Political Satire

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Yesterday, President Donald Trump used words like "fire" and also words like "fury" in a direct attempt to harass and threaten the peaceful people of North Korea.

The people's democratic leader of the offended nation, Kim Jong-Un, stated in response, "As a flee peoper, oul countly weer not tororate this kind of behaviol flom the United States ol any othel countly that plovokes us. I undelstand that thele is an unleasonabure miritary buirdup in Guam. If plovoked, we weer have no othel choice but to lespond."

According to an anonymous White House source, President Trump was unable to understand that statement and privately asked his National Security Advisor H.R. McMaster, "What did he just say? Seriously, I heard a Guam in there, but what did he just say? I can't handle Korean food, my stomach... it's very, very bad."

In his usual bipartisan manner, McMaster responded by reaching across the aisle and appointing an accomplished expert on the island of Guam, Rep. Hank Johnson (D-GA), to be the Assistant to the Deputy Assistant of the National Security Advisor.

Today Rep. Johnson has met with reporters and outlined his recommendations to save Guam.

"As you know, uh, I am an expert on Guam, as well as, uh, helium and midgets - I mean, little people," Hank Johnson said. "What we need is to mobilize our military to the exact center, uh, or middle, if you will, of Guam. We then can have Guam's populous evenly spread out, uh, around the beaches of, uh, Guam. We give them free beach front property - who wouldn't want that? We then build a ten-lane paved highway from the center, uh, or middle of Guam, to one side, which would be roughly two miles from its narrowest width, and happens to be closest to the center, or middle of Guam."

"If North Korea strikes," he continued, "it is my understanding, uh, Guam will have about 30 minutes before the first warhead hits. In that amount of time we can quickly move our 8,000 troops to one side of the island, flipping it, uh, so the warheads hit underneath, thus protecting the topside and its people. Afterward, our Naval ships with long chains, or rodes as they call them, can flip the island and it inhabitants back over. Thank you."

Rep. Johnson did not take any questions from the media.

I'm no expert on Guam like the Honorable Rep. Hank Johnson, but I would have the underside of Guam terraformed with different plants, trees and huts. Then when the missiles are launched, everyone run to one side of the island and when it flips over, the underside will then look like a completely different island. Missiles programmed to hit Guam will self-detonate harmlessly since Guam doesn't "exist". Crisis averted.

Guam should be converted to a secure island gulag for anti-revolutionary Rethuglikkkan thoughtcriminals immediately; then we'll be solving two problems with one nuclear fireball.

Play it again, Hank!

Congressman Hank Johnson fears Guam will tip over, March 25, 2010

Hank really does sound like he's serious with that. And like he is on a heavy narcotic.

Ivan Betinov wrote:Hank really does sound like he's serious with that. And like he is on a heavy narcotic.

This shows perfectly the gravity of the situation in Hank's mind.





That's going to create a whopper tsunami!

[color=#C0392B]Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin[/color] 'nailed' it when she wrote: This shows perfectly the gravity of the situation in Hank's mind.

.

Comrade Putout wrote:

Haaaaahaaaaahaaaaaaa.................................N - O - P - E !!!!!!

You better run along Hank and make sure your bong and Guam haven't tipped over.

You Comrades have it all wrong.

The REAL threat to Guam is...

Yes. (cue scary movie music) Climate Change.

All of those Guamians Guamanians people on Guam are gonna die.

https://wattsupwiththat.com/2017/08/11/guam-threatened/

It's in the New York Times, so you know it's true.

Guam finally capsizes

THE PACIFIC OCEAN—After years of warnings from Congress, the island of Guam has finally capsized, according to several Department of Defense officials familiar with the matter. Satellite imagery confirmed that the island disappeared into the Pacific Ocean early Thursday morning. There were no survivors.

Senior defense officials say the island's inversion was the result of poor management by the Navy and Air Force.

“What happened this week was that the Air Force aircraft that are usually on the north side of the island were away on a training mission,” said a senior Navy civilian, speaking on condition of anonymity because he still didn't believe this had actually happened. “At the same time, a destroyer squadron docked at the naval based on the south side of the island.”

“That unbalanced the whole thing, and it just sort of tipped over and sank.”

The armed forces typically carefully manage the balance of Pacific islands in order to prevent them from capsizing. In 1943, Tarawa nearly inverted during a furious battle between U.S. and Japanese soldiers there, after the Japanese retreated too quickly to one shore. The two sides negotiated a brief truce and agreed to stack all the coconuts they could find on a beach opposite the last-ditch Japanese positions in order to make the atoll more stable.

Rep. Hank Johnson (D-Ga.), who has long expressed concerns that DoD activity on Guam could put the geological stability of the island at risk, told reporters he was furious no one had paid attention to his warnings.