10/6/2017, 12:26 am
See Part 1 here.
- Jimmy Kimmel asked his wife why she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.
- His whole life, Jimmy Kimmel's parents harassed him to stop acting like a flamingo. He had enough, and finally put his foot down.
- Jimmy Kimmel once poured root beer in a square glass. To this day, he can't understand why he now just has a beer.
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- A child asked Jimmy Kimmel: What's the difference between a hippo and a zippo? Kimmel answered: One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
- Kimmel and his wife were overheard having an argument. His wife insisted, “Nothing rhymes with orange!"Kimmel was heard saying, "No it doesn't!"
- Arguing his expertise on religion, Kimmel said to a Priest: “So what if I don't know what Armageddon means? It's not the end of the world!”
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- Kimmel and his wife blindfolded themselves and walked into a bar. And a table. And a chair.
- Asked why he always carries around a step ladder, Kimmel answered, “I never knew my real ladder.”
- The Jimmy Kimmel Show director shouted to Jimmy Kimmel: “I need you to get to the other side of the stage!" Puzzled, Kimmel relied, "I am on the other side!"
- Before you criticize Jimmy Kimmel, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, when you do criticize him, you're a mile away and have his shoes.
- How did Kimmel's wife get him to stop biting his nails? She made him wear shoes.
- What did God say after creating Kimmel? I can do so much better.
- What does it mean if Kimmel is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
- What do you call a man with half a brain? "Jimmy Kimmel."
- Why does Kimmel whistle when he's sitting on the toilet? Because it helps him remember which end he needs to wipe.
- What has 12 arms and an IQ of 60? Jimmy Kimmel and his staff of ten.
- What's the difference between Big Foot and Kimmel's brain? Big Foot's been spotted several times.
- Why does Jimmy Kimmel whine? Because he's practicing to be a man.
Republican National Committee Chairwoman Ronna Romney McDaniel responds to Michelle Obama's racist remarks:
RNC chairwoman pushes back on Michelle Obama's 'all men, all white' comment
