12/5/2017, 9:44 pm
Secretary of State Rex Tillerson announced that the United States intends to recognize the same Jewish Jerusalem that was the existing Jewish capital 3300 years ago. He cited the hundreds of tons of archeological evidence major museums around the world have displayed for hundreds of years that suggest it is the same Jewish capital today. According to inside sources on the inside, anonymous spokesmen tweeted with a fake account that the US Embassy is to be relocated to the ancient Jewish city from Tel Aviv. This move fulfills American policy and the promise of every American president going back to Truman.
Meanwhile, mass protests of antisemites, er, we mean global citizens wearing "Palestinian" colors and Rachel Corrie T-shirts, are expected to pour into the streets to protest the existence of Jews.
The president observed the "settled science" established in 4500 AD that summed the infinitely complex equation 2 + 2, that it may add up to the same total today. Jewish scientists such as Albert Einstein proposed the questionable theory that the sum may represent 4. Meanwhile, Palestinian scientists assert that math does not exist, and Palestinian history, a Palestinian people, culture, nation, language, cuisine, archeology, religion, currency and coin do. The Palestinian scientists are correct.
All those characteristics describing the so-called "Palestinian" civilization do exist.
They just happen to be called Hebraic.
In an amazing turn of historical truthiness, "Palestinians" point to all the world class museums one can't find on the map displaying Palestinian artifacts. The ones that can actually be found go all the way back to ancient 1964. Before that year the word "Palestinian" shamelessly referred to Palestinian Jews. In the Brave New World of United Nazis, Palestinian Jews no longer exist because they say so, and the word "Palestinian" refer to Palestinian Arabs, otherwise historically known as Syrians.
Barack Obama with Jimmy Carter at his side rose to say "Words Have Meaning!"
So do myths.
Having officiated over the raising of the Palestinian flag atop the UN, the two ex-presidents standing in front of a Yasser Arafat poster told the United Nazis forum that the Jerusalem that was Jewish for 3300 years all of a sudden became a Muslim city because they say so and "Why not?"
"As good an explanation as any," said Barry, raising his Kalashnikov in the classic Charles Heston NRA pose.
The notion of a historical Jewish city of Jerusalem being suddenly sprung on the world after 70 years is totally unacceptable to the United Nazis Forum that prefer to finish the job their leader in Germany started in 1933. The press release implied, so is the thought of Jews still breathing.
The thought of breathing Jews so upsets many "Palestinians People" invented in Moscow in 1964, that the Palestinians are collectively putting on face masks and are strapping bombs around themselves. Many southern Syrians, er, we mean "Palestinians," are threatening to blow every West Bank humus and babaganoush storage warehouse to smithereens. Even if these offer pita bread. Along with themselves of course. The rest are going to München at the invite of Frau Merkel, and are taking along their southern Syrian brothers and sisters who are fond of shouting out "Allahu Akbar!"
With all the contributions and inventions the southern Syrians, er, we mean the Palestinian People have made to science, mathematics, medicine, astrophysics, technology, computer science, art, music and culture, the world and especially Israel, will deeply miss the "Palestinian People" invented in 1964 on Lubyanka Street at KGB Headquarters in Moscow.
We just have no idea how on this G-d-made planet we ever suffered through life without them, said the last living sane person at the State Department.