5/28/2018, 1:41 am
[img]/images/Peoples_Garden_Restaurant_Gastronomic_Justice.png[/img]
Komrades,
Are you still trying to imagine what the most equal restaurant would be like? You may stop now.
Hi, The People's Anthony Sullivan here to introduce to you The People's Garden, a new restaurant that will finally achieve the equality all desire, but none achieve...
The People's Garden is here, and it will make all of you feel like one family, whether you want it or not.
Today, komrades, our inner Marxists and our inner Millennials have joined forces and come up with an idea of a restaurant that will finally achieve societal equality - and, by extension, usher in The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™.
These People's Garden procedures will guarantee absolute fairness:
With these procedures, The People's Garden will solve global inequality, one dish at a time. We will not bow to the injustice of serving you the order you want, which would be blatantly inconsiderate to those who may have different opinions about what to order. Letting everyone choose what they want greatly exacerbates the apparent inequality of everyone having different choices, which is most unequal and unjust!
We all know how the kapitalist establishment Olive Garden says "we're all family here". But we at the Cube are an even bigger family, not just kollektively channeling our inner Marxists with daily denouncements of kapitalism - we also kollektively channel our inner Millennials in deciding what the real issues are.
For example, did you know that stuff like presidential foreign policy or the economy aren't the real issues, you unenlightened kapitalist dope? The real issue affecting today's society is what character pairing in Miraculous is the most korrekt one (I'll concede to being a part-time admirer of this show).
After all, gone are the days when things that can change existence as we know it are the real issues. The real issues today are things that affect how we enjoy our pleasures - even if that has no effect on our existence one bit.
Komrades,
Are you still trying to imagine what the most equal restaurant would be like? You may stop now.
Hi, The People's Anthony Sullivan here to introduce to you The People's Garden, a new restaurant that will finally achieve the equality all desire, but none achieve...
The People's Garden is here, and it will make all of you feel like one family, whether you want it or not.
Today, komrades, our inner Marxists and our inner Millennials have joined forces and come up with an idea of a restaurant that will finally achieve societal equality - and, by extension, usher in The Glorious World of Next Tuesday™.
These People's Garden procedures will guarantee absolute fairness:
- Dish equality: If one eats a specific dish, everyone else must eat the same. It is not fair to one proletariat if the other one eats something fancier and more expensive. When all are mandated to eat the same thing, no matter what it is, everyone becomes more equal.
- Redistribution of starvation: If one customer doesn't want to eat, all must stop eating. It simply is not fair if one eats while the other doesn't. All must eat together or starve together. This is the ONLY way all can be equal at the dining table.
- Fairness in what you get: Related to #2, if a customer demands free food from all the others in the dining space, all must redistribute their food to that customer. If a customer insists that they will not pay for their food, all must pay that customer the equivalent of their own meal (tips included) to that customer as reparations, to show how sorry they are for interfering with that customer's valiant and heroic struggle for gastronomic equality.
- All eat as one: Related to #1, food recommended by the kommisar, such as Red Square, or yours truly, will not just be heavily encouraged - it will be forced onto everyone at once, thus achieving gastronomic justice.
- Going Marxist/Going Korrekt: A fairer version of going Dutch: all checks will be summed up and equally redistributed among all customers, so they will all equally feel the struggle of paying a check.
With these procedures, The People's Garden will solve global inequality, one dish at a time. We will not bow to the injustice of serving you the order you want, which would be blatantly inconsiderate to those who may have different opinions about what to order. Letting everyone choose what they want greatly exacerbates the apparent inequality of everyone having different choices, which is most unequal and unjust!
The People's Garden will make all of you feel like one family,
whether you want it or not!
Together, we will make gastronomic justice a reality!
Gastronomic Justice Warriors, unite!
* * *
SUGGESTED TOPICS FOR
A GENERAL DISCUSSION WHILE YOU EAT:
whether you want it or not!
Together, we will make gastronomic justice a reality!
Gastronomic Justice Warriors, unite!
* * *
SUGGESTED TOPICS FOR
A GENERAL DISCUSSION WHILE YOU EAT:
We all know how the kapitalist establishment Olive Garden says "we're all family here". But we at the Cube are an even bigger family, not just kollektively channeling our inner Marxists with daily denouncements of kapitalism - we also kollektively channel our inner Millennials in deciding what the real issues are.
For example, did you know that stuff like presidential foreign policy or the economy aren't the real issues, you unenlightened kapitalist dope? The real issue affecting today's society is what character pairing in Miraculous is the most korrekt one (I'll concede to being a part-time admirer of this show).
After all, gone are the days when things that can change existence as we know it are the real issues. The real issues today are things that affect how we enjoy our pleasures - even if that has no effect on our existence one bit.
