The People's Cube - Political Satire

My fellow comrades:

Our elected leaders have not only failed us, but betrayed us. It is obvious now that they have no intention of doing what we elected them to do, which is to impeach Bush and his cronies and to end Bush's illegal, immoral war of aggression and blood for oil. While those of us who bravely sacrificed our regular, every day lives to perch on the ledge for peace this past month were shot down, both literally and figuratively, in a hail of blazing gunfire and by budget cuts, our elected representatives have been occupied with getting themselves re-elected.

The time has come for We The People to send a strong message to those slackers that we intend to take matters into our own hands. I therefore propose we form a People's Vigilante Committee, charged with making citizens' arrests of all those in cahoots with the Bush Administration, from Bush himself all the way down to Barney the dog.

I must give a flutter of my red headscarf to Comrade Margaret, who provided this helpful link to get us started:

The Complete Progressive Idiot's Guide to Making a Citizen's Arrest

3. Form a team. We need teams in California, Texas, New York, and Washington, D.C., among other places. Your mission is to locate a war criminal from the list above in a public place, detain them, handcuff them, phone the police, read the criminal their rights and the charges against them, ask them if they have anything to say in response, videotape the arrest and post it online. Your team should include one or more people who can produce an excellent video and be extremely fast in editing and posting it online. Your team should include people capable of physically detaining your war criminal. Your team should ideally include a lawyer. And, of course, people who can read the charges and question the suspect. Everyone on your team should be able to keep a secret while you're planning your arrest. (Boldface added by Pinkie, see bottom of page)

4. Prepare to follow this script.

Apprehend and handcuff the war criminal.

Read the war criminal their rights, rights they have denied others:
"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to have an attorney present during questioning. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you."

Read the war criminal the charges against them. See above.

Ask the war criminal if they would like to say anything.

Once you have good video footage, your top priority becomes immediately getting it edited (if necessary) and online.

Turn the war criminal over to the police.

Pass out flyers to passersby.

Send statement to the media.


5. Consult a lawyer to avoid unnecessary risks of violating laws while enforcing the law. (Note from Pinkie: Just a suggestion, but Item 5 should probably precede Items 1-4.)

Coming on the heels of our recent fiasco on the ledge, I was very excited about this idea, while a dismayed Pupovich, a la Ethel Mertz, remarked that I had “that crazy gleam” in my eyes again. Then a couple of days later, while spewing vodka over the Mime's funny pages, I discovered this link which nearly doused my ardor for what I considered my latest, most glorious newfound cause:

John Bolton Escapes Citizen's Arrest at Hay Festival

Yes, comrades, I too was disheartened at first, until I realized that what happened here was the same thing that happened to communism in the old Soviet Union, to wit: That the citizen's arrest failed not because citizen's arrests simply don't work except on the TV Land Channel, but because the WRONG PEOPLE are in charge of the whole vigilante movement!

We, comrades, are the right people, The Chosen Ones, if you will. We can and will make this work. With contributions from the Collective, to include Ivan Betinov's brains, Lenin 'n' Thingies' looks, and my unique motivational skills, we have the power of the People's Vigilante Committee to bring all members of Bush's nefarious crime gang to justice.


Our crack team shall be made up of the following volunteers:

--One person to accost the criminal, cite the charges, and read them their rights (which will be more than Bush has ever done for the millions upon millions he's illegally detained and slaughtered). Ability to read from pocket-sized idiot cards a plus.

--One person who's good with handcuffs. Retraining may be required so the criminal is cuffed with hands behind the back, not over their heads. Chances are there will not be a bed with a headboard nearby when you cuff them.

--One person to question the suspect as Comrade Swanson pointed out in his paragraph 3. Maybe we could have two, and play good cop/bad cop! Must be good at head games, fist pounding, and enhanced interrogation techniques approved by governments of Third World/Communist/Islam fundamentalist regimes.

--One video photographer. Must be able to remember to keep batteries charged.

--One lawyer, in case the citizen's arrest backfires and it's the citizen who's arrested. Access to Wikipedia's law pages and familiarity with John Grisham novels a must.

--Martial arts experts to deal with the criminal's security detail. Must not be afraid to risk taking a bullet and becoming a martyr to Our Glorious Cause! Should that happen, 72 extra large beets await you! Weapons and explosives enthusiasts will be considered on a case-by-case basis.

--Professional bystanders to make it look as if we have popular support. Volunteers may be asked not only to chant slogans, but to write slogans on signs and banners and hold them up. Ability to spell not required. If a woman, must be willing to expose breasts. Large breasts that sag down to the navel are preferred.

The People's Vigilante Committee will also require the following equipment:

--At least two pairs of handcuffs (in case one pair doesn't work as is usually the case). These can be bought anywhere on-line, or at any local sex shop, or even checked out from Pup's Pleasure Palace.

--Printing press for making up flyers and pamphlets.

--One video camera, and appropriate software for posting video footage everywhere on the Internet.

--A 1970's van for us to travel around in as we go from place to place, making citizen's arrests of Bush and his cronies. I just think it would be cool. We could paint pictures and slogans and the name of our group on it. Could it also come with a teardrop window and shag carpeting in the back?

--Money for attorney fees, administrative overhead, gasoline for the van, miscellaneous expenses, and the mortgage and cleaning bills for Pinkie's dacha.

This will be our most dangerous movement yet, Comrades, but it will also be our most patriotic! For no one else is willing to risk life and limb, and sacrifice all they hold dear, to preserve our precious way of life!

Bear in mind that along the way, you may be confronted by naysayers, who will insist that what we're doing is immoral, illegal, and will only lead to senseless bloodshed, money wasted, psychological trauma, and long term family separations with financial and emotional hardships for the loved ones you leave behind. They will tell you that there are more important problems at home that should be dealt with first! They'll tell you that most people do not support what you're doing, and that you should not do anything that isn't approved by consensus or polls. They'll even tell you that we have no business doing this simply because the American people haven't asked to be liberated from the oppression of the Bush Administration! THEY ARE WRONG! For it is precisely because The People are oppressed by the Bush Administration, that they are unable to ask for the freedom that we freedom fighters have been gloriously called upon to provide!

It won't be easy. It won't be quick. But in those darkest moments when it seems as if all is lost, remember this: At least we are Raising Awareness, and showing the world how much We Care!

If anyone has any suggestions for what else we might need in the way of personnel, equipment and logistical support, etc., this is the place to make them! This is YOUR Vigilante Committee!

Finally, as Comrade Gloria pointed out in the excerpt I highlighted above, it is absolutely imperative that WE KEEP THIS A SECRET!!!

I love it when a plan comes together.

Commissarka Pinkie,

I offer my services to the Vigilante Committee. As the workers at the Pup's Pleasure Palace know, I'm well versed in the use of handcuffs. I can also do a good job posing as a bystander/lookout.

Holy Dumbsh*ts,Pinkie......just when I think these cranks have reached their zenith of stupidity....they show the world just how much more asinine they can get. They really do live in their own little world. Amazing.

Yes, Lenin 'n' Thingies, there are days when I think they make it too easy for us. But that's the beauty of a system that aspires to do all the thinking for you!

That seems like a lot of work. Can't we just let the government do it?

That's the reason we, the True Leaders of the World of Next Tuesday, have to assume power and rule the masses of proles. The KKKapitalists have failed.

Hmmm... Let's post this on one of the better known leftist sites but remember to keep it a secret!

One more thing, comrades. It's probably a good idea to not do this in a state with concealed carry permit laws in place. It's also worth remembering that both current and former executives often travel with Secret Service or private security details and attempting to "arrest" such people can look like an abduction attempt. That might be fatal for the parties attempting to perform the arrest.



So, does this mean that people on the right can start forming similar teams to arrest leftist politicians and mouthpieces for treason and providing aid and comfort to America's enemies? Seriously now, both sides can play this game but it never seems to occur to these zealots that the same laws they hope to exploit can be used against them.

Betty, I know you're always confused, but did you not read the opening paragraph of my manifesto? Congress has failed The People--exactly as we foretold right after the mid-term elections in 1994.

Besides, now that Zam shot us off the ledge, I need to find a new Plan B for bringing down the brutal Bush regime. It was either the People's Vigilante Committee or this:

Panties for Peace

Pinkie, I received the following communique from one of our cells.

After Action Report
People's Vigilante Committee--Austin Cell
Subject: Karen Hughes

We formed our team in response to the Commissarka's action alert. We decided to go to Austin Texas to aprehend War Criminal Karen Hughes because she's a girl, and because Shawn met a guy at computer camp from Texas and he was kind of cool.

Shawn has like killer video skills, so he ran the camera. Thistle has a pair of handcuffs so she got to be the cuffer, while her guy Toad and his buddy Genghis (he's like this Mongol guy in Warcraft) agreed to to do the actual grabbing. We met in secret down at Starbucks to go over our plans because they've got a good WiFi hotspot.

Thistle did a google search for her address. There were like six or seven "Karen Hughes" listings in the phone book, but one had a phone number that almost spells "Hitler" on the keypad, so we knew which one it was. So we got some lattes to go and headed South.

We put the war criminal under surveilance about 5:00 p.m. She looks entirely different from her picture on Wikipedia now. Toad said she'd probably had plastic surgery to try to hide from her criminal past. We watched her drive up in a big guzzler SUV and go inside. Then she came back out. We followed the subject to the supermarket, where Thistle tailed her inside while the rest of us waited in TCBY. The subject came back out maybe fifteen minutes later, which made Genghis get a brain-freeze from wolfing down his frogurt while we ran out to the Scion. "she bought meat!" hissed Thistle. We had planned to wait until the next night, but this woman was raping the Earth right in front of us, so we decided to go ahead and grab her now, even though we didn't have the leaflets printed up yet.

We tailed her back to her house. When she had got out of her SUV and had her arms full of groceries (in plastic bags!!!) we approached her. I asked if she was Karen Hughes. When she said "yes" I slapped the bags out of her hands while Toad and Genghis grabbed her shoulders. Before she could even react, Thistle had the cuffs on her and I read her her rights. I did it in this real hick Texas accent, like I was some redneck sheriff, and that got Toad and Genghis laughing because cops are so stupid. I started to read off her war crimes, but all the sudden this old guy came out of the house with like a baseball bat, wanting to know what the Hell we thought we were doing.

I tried to explain to him that we were conducting a citizen's arrest of a known war criminal and started reading off her crimes again. He kept interrupting and yelling at us that his wife was a school teacher, but we weren't falling for any BusHitler lies. Then he cracked Toad across the head (a totally unprovoked attack) and the street was filling up with people. Thistle tried to get a chant going, but everybody was screaming at us like we were doing something wrong. Then this Hughes woman kicked Genghis in the groin and the crowd just went crazy! They were yelling and throwing stuff at us and chased us down the street. We made it to the Scion, but this big biker-looking guy stabbed one of the tires and we couldn't move.

They were rocking the car back and forth, trying to tip us over, when the cops showed up. They managed to get the crowd to fall back from the car, but they refused to arrest Hughes, even though we already had her cuffed! To make it all worse, the Gestapo here in Bush's little police state arrested US and charged US with all kinds of trumped-up charges, like kidnapping and assault and some other stuff I didn't understand.

We need bail.

Commissarka, things are not going as well as we had hoped....

These things must be handled most delicately. These poor proles are out of the shallow end of the pool, and cannot handle the delightfully intricate process of snaring a neocon.

In Mother China, we have teams trained since birth to, ahem, detain enemies of the state in subtle yet effective ways. My favorite is posing as a rightist neaderthal, and asking them for an autograph. The pen offered to them is coated with crazy glue. While they are fighting to get the pen off of their fingers, their wrists are close together. Slipping on the cuffs is easier than a Sunday cat nap!

Unfortunately, the residual effects of democracy have the upcoming generation addled and confused. The good news is, the effects are rapidly receding, and we should have a good crop of Communists in the next generation.

Now that the Sultan of Change has secured the Democrat nomination, we will be in a better position to arrest and detain these war criminals. When the Obamessiah is sworn in, he can order the military to arrest these enemies of humanity and start the trials.

Ivan Betinov wrote:

Commissarka, things are not going as well as we had hoped....

LOL!!

(Pinkie slaps hand against forehead) Eye-yi-yi, where do I begin?

We followed the subject to the supermarket, where Thistle tailed her inside while the rest of us waited in TCBY. The subject came back out maybe fifteen minutes later, which made Genghis get a brain-freeze from wolfing down his frogurt while we ran out to the Scion. "she bought meat!" hissed Thistle. We had planned to wait until the next night, but this woman was raping the Earth right in front of us, so we decided to go ahead and grab her now, even though we didn't have the leaflets printed up yet.

In the first place, what were they doing in TCBY? Isn't that a front for some extremist evangelical religious right group? Don't you know that buying yogurt or even frogurt from them is the same thing as throwing money at anti-abortion extremists?

And WHY weren't there any leaflets printed up yet?!!? A good Progressive activist NEVER goes anywhere without leaflets! You never know when you'll get the chance to pass them out.

I read her her rights. I did it in this real hick Texas accent, like I was some redneck sheriff, and that got Toad and Genghis laughing because cops are so stupid. I started to read off her war crimes, but all the sudden this old guy came out of the house with like a baseball bat, wanting to know what the Hell we thought we were doing.

Dammit! Don't you know that to do a convincing Texas redneck sheriff, YOU have to be the one with the baseball bat? And you have to start by telling her that one of her taillights is out. When she asks which one, you say, "This one!" and then you smash it out! Then you smash out all the windows, and then you have everyone on your team dogpile on her.

We need bail.

Didn't you read the script? Didn't you retain a lawyer for your team? Or do I have to do everything around here? What am I, your mother the Government?

Pinkie, despite the Austin Cell's abject bad fortune (and it really was just bad luck) I think they did really good, given who they are. We have got to realize that if we are going to recruit operatives so clandestinely (advertizing on all the D.U. and Kos links with ACTION ALERTS!) we are going to be recruiting from the shallow end of the gene pool. Shawn, Thistle, Toad, Genghis, and the team leader, Kyle X, have never done anything productive--or for that matter anything that required planning, thought, or effort--in their entire lives.

I believe it was the evil Thomas Edison who said something to the effect that he didn't fail X number of times in trying to invent the incandescent light bulb that's destroyed our environment--instead he only discovered X number of ways NOT to make it.

That said, we just discovered one way not to do this. Obviously we need people more qualified than the Austin Cell, in which case we'll have to cast a wider net beyond DU and Kos.

After doing some research, I recommend a mass e-mailing, like Jimmy and his Change Team did here for THEIR clandestine movement (boldface added by Pinkie):

http://www.thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1745

From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Sent: Wednesday, February 13, 2008 7:40 PM
Subject: [0war] WORLD AGAINST WAR I [London to DC (March 2008)]

FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY...thanks

WORLD AGAINST WAR I London to DC (March 15-19 2008) -Join us for World Against War I, the antiwar protest for the people and planet.

We are a clandestine organization located within the United States forging an underground movement for the people. We are deeply affected by the events following September 11th and the genocide in the Middle east. Our intention is to disrupt the illegal empire and stop the war machine from functioning from the inside. We will engage the enemy, take advantage of vulnerabilities and expose every weakness. We encourage the people to standup and stand strong with confidence, leadership, and continue organizing against every form of struggle.

The politicians in America will continue to wage war for glory and the pigs will not stop, until they are jailed for their crimes against humanity.

We call on all free nations of the world, to unite, in our struggle against tyranny and imperialism.

The u$ government, International Bankers, war profiteering corporations, along with the president and his administration are guilty.

In just four short years, the people of the united states has murdered over one million civilians in Iraq. The parties representing the American people during the genocide, were the DEMOCRAT and REPUBLICAN Parties. The current Democrat and Republican parties that are campaigning for President were DIRECTLY involved in these Crimes Against Peace and will continue using the imperial doctrine.

The military war machine continues to feed off the blood of the innocent ruled by the wealthy elite majority. They are now continuing to spread more lies about other countries, breeding hate for the next targets for preemptive invasion. The American media networks are also guilty of war crimes and crimes against humanity for their involvement in using advanced propaganda techniques against the American people.

America's dignity and long standing history has been destroyed forever and the people will continue to struggle. We must demand an International tribunal for the entire federal government, media organizations, and all those who participated in these war crimes.

Rebel States must consider separation from the union to save itself from slavery by the Federal Reserve dollar.

We the people must use every resource available to save mankind from American politicians and special interest war profiteering corporations who will continue to lobby war for profit with the blood of innocent children.

Join us for... WORLD AGAINST WAR I MARCH 15-19 2008

jim and the CHANGE team WE WILL NEVER FORGET, WE WILL NEVER FORGIVE

this message has been sponsored by 0War & LOOSE CHANGE https://loose-change-911.com
<br>TRANSLATE https://www.google.com/language_tools?hl=en

PLEASE FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO FRIENDS AND FAMILY...thanks

Commissarka, I wonder if you should have included the link, for should any comrade had read it all the way, it could discourage them from their tasks:

American citizens do not carry the authority or enjoy the legal protections of police, and are held to the principle of strict liability before the courts of civil- and criminal law including but not limited to any infringement of another's rights.

I fear that as long as the police and "judicial" system is hostage to Bush and Haliburton, this is a battle we can not win. So iti is imperative that we start with the top down so the police and court system can see that there will be no retribution for them carrying out the Peoples Justice as we know it.

Precisely, Pupovich--and by starting from the top down, we go over the heads of these lackeys and arrest Bush ourselves!

If you have any better ideas, I'd love to hear them. We can always try a variation of Panties for Peace.

It takes a lot of courage to do what I'm doing. I'm risking and sacrificing everything, because I care so much. How much do you care? So many people talk about how much they care, and how they wish they could DO something, but they never do anything beyond standing around and criticizing people like me. They can't come up with any ideas themselves, so they attack and smear people like me who are gifted with the vision of a better world. A world in which Bush and all his minions are fittingly punished for their countless crimes against everything. A world in which we can leave behind our fears and dare to Hope for Change.

Maybe you and everyone else would see that if you weren't so obsessed with creating all these petty little distractions.

Now, do you have anything to contribute to this thread, Pupovich?

Anything?

Anything at all?

Actually Commissarka, at this point, my advice would be to simply wait till Bush is evicted from the White House, and we, being disguised as Acme Movers employees, as we are allowed in to move the spoils we know Bush is hiding, arrest him then. The security around him will not be as tight since the Lord Obama would now be in charge. Bust is history, why waste People's resources to try and nab him now, when he will practically walk into our arms this January.

I was reading through Gloria's list of criminals and stumbled upon this juicy little gem (bold emphasis mine):

David Swanson wrote:John Bolton: lives in Bethesda, Maryland, is a member of a Lutheran Church, works for the law firm Kirkland and Ellis LLP, 655 Fifteenth Street, N.W., Washington, D.C.

Oh. My. STALIN! A member of a Lutheran Church!? That is a scandal in the making, Comrades -- a scandal in the making! I am going to have to inform the media that this U.N hating monster is a member of the Lutheran Church A.S.A.P! I have no choice but to make this a huge story. I mean, this is worse than Jerry Wright's church! WORSE! I heard they actually "worship" at such an institution!

Pupovich, I am SO disappointed in you--especially after I just awarded you Beet of the Week! And what did you do with your extra ration of beets? Did you throw them over the fence like a certain purged non-person did with his decorations? Maybe you'd like to emulate him in other ways? (And I don't mean marrying some poodle who got rich off mustard.)

Let Bush continue to run amok until January 2009? Why? So he can commit more murders? Destroy the economy and the environment even further? Isn't it enough that he's made the polar bears homeless? If we leave him in power one more day, who will be next? What about the cute baby seals?

By refusing to do your duty as a citizen and patriot and comrade and other noble characters, you have proven yourself to be complicit in Bush's Crimes Against Everything. Here's a club, Pupovich--you may as well brain that baby seal yourself! Go on--if you don't, rest assured Bush will before January!

Oh yeah--and I hereby denounce you.

A LUTHERAN, COMRADES! A LUTHERAN!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Pupovich, I am SO disappointed in you--especially after I just awarded you Beet of the Week! .

And since when did my advice to you mean anything? Besides, that was advice to you..... no reason you and I should place ourselves at risk is there when there are plenty of useful idiots out there to continue to try and catch Bush. You and I should simply set a goal for those useful idiots, put up a front, while we make our plans for running the new USSA.

Pupovich, I'm not saying that you and I have to go out and actually put the cuffs on Bush. I am merely the head of the People's Vigilante Committee. At no time did I say that I intended to go out and get dirty and put myself at risk--didn't I already do that out on the ledge? (We should've renamed that movement "shotofftheledgeforpeace.org.")

My "perch in" and subsequent shooting and ultimate misadventure on the flagpole only proves that I'm too valuable and important to be endangered this way again. That's why I remain safely in the bunker, as a proper mastermind should.

But I'd still like to have that van to go cruising in on Friday nights. I hear they're magnets for guys in red hats.

In the meantime, the Chairman is yelling about Lutherans. You can at least go to John Bolton's house in Bethesda, MD, tip over his garbage cans, and spread his garbage all over his neighbors' lawns like a good doggie.

Then, when Bolton comes out in his bathrobe and slippers to pick up the garbage, cursing under his breath about idiot jerk people who let their mangy mutts run loose all night, that's when you send in your vigilante team to get him.

Honestly, what is so hard about that?

That sounds simple enough doesn't it? But have you forgotten that those less than useful idiots have already tipped their hand when Bolton was overseas the other day, and now his security is tighter than ever. That plan would not have worked even had he not been forewarned. How do I know this? Simple. I am the Progressive People's Pooch....I have been tipping over the garbage cans of the rich and famous for years, even some less than famous if you know what I mean. Bolton doesn't come out to deal with his garbage. He has an illegal immigrant working under the cover of Haliburton doing this for him.

Pupovich, you have pointed out--as I did at the very beginning--the biggest snag we face--the fact that these criminals have security details to shield them from the mighty sword of the People's Justice.

Indeed, I just found this article written by the same guy who attempted to arrest John Bolton at the Hay festival:

http://www.guardian.co.uk/commentisfree ... policy.usa

I realise now that I didn't have a hope. I had almost reached the stage when two of the biggest gorillas I have ever seen swept me up and carried me out of the tent. It was humiliating, but it could have been worse. The guard on the other side of the stage, half hidden in the curtains, had spent the lecture touching something under his left armpit. Perhaps he had bubos.

Well, DUH! I could've told him about the gorillas beforehand. (I also would've told him to make sure he was wearing clean socks and underwear.) Was this not the very first observation I made when Margaret first brought up the subject of Citizen's Arrest? Did you not hear it from me first? My friends comrades, I have said it before: I have talent on loan from Lenin!

After the session I realised that I couldn't call on other people to do something I wasn't prepared to do myself.

Why not, if other people had the ability to subdue the "gorillas"? He has the need, as we all do, but if he has not the ability--that's when you bring in others who do. For crying out loud, that's not even Marxism 101--it's basic ABC 123 stuff you can watch anytime on "Sesame Street."

I was prepared to take this risk. It is not enough to demand that other people act, knowing that they will not. If the police, the courts and the state fail to prosecute what the Nuremberg tribunal described as "the supreme international crime", I believe we have a duty to seek to advance the process.

That's all well and good, but he should've consulted me first! I would've told him to form a plan to get the "gorillas" out of the way. Honestly! Common sense, people!

But there is one charge I do accept: that my chances of success were very slight. Apart from the 300-pound gorillas, the main obstacle I faced was that although the crime of aggression, as defined by the Nuremberg principles, has been incorporated into the legislation of many countries, it has not been assimilated into the laws of England and Wales.

Hm, sounds to me like somebody didn't do his research. Someone didn't consult Wikipedia. Someone listened to Pretty Boy Gloria word for word and put Item 5 after Items 1-4.

SOMEONE DIDN'T CONSULT PINKIE!

Before we effect any citizen's arrest, we need to remove all obstacles to making that arrest. That means getting rid of gorillas.

Therefore, I propose we send someone to Costco or Sam's Club to get a crate of Family Size bottles of Extra Strength Chloroform. We'll also need six biplanes and a blonde. I nominate Comrade Lenin 'n' Thingies for the role of blonde.

Now, if anyone has any dumber ideas, I'd like to hear them.

Ivan Betinov wrote:Pinkie, I received the following communique from one of our cells.

After Action Report
People's Vigilante Committee--Austin Cell
Subject: Karen Hughes

We formed our team in response to the Commissarka's action alert. We decided to go to Austin Texas to aprehend War Criminal Karen Hughes because she's a girl, and because Shawn met a guy at computer camp from Texas and he was kind of cool.

Shawn has like killer video skills, so he ran the camera. Thistle has a pair of handcuffs so she got to be the cuffer, while her guy Toad and his buddy Genghis (he's like this Mongol guy in Warcraft) agreed to to do the actual grabbing. We met in secret down at Starbucks to go over our plans because they've got a good WiFi hotspot.

Thistle did a google search for her address. There were like six or seven "Karen Hughes" listings in the phone book, but one had a phone number that almost spells "Hitler" on the keypad, so we knew which one it was. So we got some lattes to go and headed South.

We put the war criminal under surveilance about 5:00 p.m. She looks entirely different from her picture on Wikipedia now. Toad said she'd probably had plastic surgery to try to hide from her criminal past. We watched her drive up in a big guzzler SUV and go inside. Then she came back out. We followed the subject to the supermarket, where Thistle tailed her inside while the rest of us waited in TCBY. The subject came back out maybe fifteen minutes later, which made Genghis get a brain-freeze from wolfing down his frogurt while we ran out to the Scion. "she bought meat!" hissed Thistle. We had planned to wait until the next night, but this woman was raping the Earth right in front of us, so we decided to go ahead and grab her now, even though we didn't have the leaflets printed up yet.

We tailed her back to her house. When she had got out of her SUV and had her arms full of groceries (in plastic bags!!!) we approached her. I asked if she was Karen Hughes. When she said "yes" I slapped the bags out of her hands while Toad and Genghis grabbed her shoulders. Before she could even react, Thistle had the cuffs on her and I read her her rights. I did it in this real hick Texas accent, like I was some redneck sheriff, and that got Toad and Genghis laughing because cops are so stupid. I started to read off her war crimes, but all the sudden this old guy came out of the house with like a baseball bat, wanting to know what the Hell we thought we were doing.

I tried to explain to him that we were conducting a citizen's arrest of a known war criminal and started reading off her crimes again. He kept interrupting and yelling at us that his wife was a school teacher, but we weren't falling for any BusHitler lies. Then he cracked Toad across the head (a totally unprovoked attack) and the street was filling up with people. Thistle tried to get a chant going, but everybody was screaming at us like we were doing something wrong. Then this Hughes woman kicked Genghis in the groin and the crowd just went crazy! They were yelling and throwing stuff at us and chased us down the street. We made it to the Scion, but this big biker-looking guy stabbed one of the tires and we couldn't move.

They were rocking the car back and forth, trying to tip us over, when the cops showed up. They managed to get the crowd to fall back from the car, but they refused to arrest Hughes, even though we already had her cuffed! To make it all worse, the Gestapo here in Bush's little police state arrested US and charged US with all kinds of trumped-up charges, like kidnapping and assault and some other stuff I didn't understand.

We need bail.

Commissarka, things are not going as well as we had hoped....

Ah yes but the splinter cell did get the Governors Mansion




Wth was that all about ?!? The Capitol Police, the State Troopers 10ft High fences and some idgit still burns the 125+ year old mansion. Im still curious though why the Gov of Tx has business outside of the country...... Sorry for the rant, but the twits are twittering

Commissarka Pinkie, I have been hesitant to tell you of some of the efforts I have been undertaking to get close to the top criminal to arrest for reasons that will soon be clear. Please join me in the Cone of Silence:



Ah, that is better, Testing testing testing... I think the Cone is working. Ok, here is a low down on an initiative I have undertaken that you are not aware of. I can understand that you think I have not been putting forth the effort I should to arrest these criminals, but I hope this will show that I have been doing more than you were aware of. I have been attempting a "Trojan horse" strategy. It has not paid off as of yet, but there is still hope. What I have been doing is periodically writing to the criminal Bush and to his "White House." In these communiques I have been praising the criminal for his "tough stand in the war on terror," his...(Dear Lenin, I can hardly relate this without laughing) "steadfastness in moral issues," "firmness in Iraq,: and his "not being swayed by polls" and other such nonsense. What I am hoping for is that at some point, the criminal Bush may wish to invite me to the White House for some gathering, and with any luck, at some point he will get close enough to allow me to shake his blood stained hand, and at that moment, I will place him under citizen's arrest. I know you can understand why I have not been talking about this in the open. Thank Lenin for the Cone of Silence!

Pupovich, that's it! THAT'S IT!!!

We'll use a Trojan Horse to get Bush!

Only instead of wood, we'll make it out of empty oil barrels. He'll think it's a gift from Exxon Mobil for keeping gas prices high and for not signing the Kyoto Treaty. He's so dumb, he'll think there must be Trojan condoms inside. But instead it'll be one of our People's Vigilante Teams to do a citizen's arrest!

I also like the idea of a Trojan Donkey for the convention in Denver, only I don't know what it should be made of, what/who should be inside, or even why we should do it. I just like the idea.

Denver is very Progressive. You used to have to go to Tijuanna for a Donkey Show.

I am glad you approve of my secret plan Commissarka. Needless to say we need to keep this under wraps for it to have any hope of success.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Pupovich, that's it! THAT'S IT!!!

We'll use a Trojan Horse to get Bush!

Only instead of wood, we'll make it out of empty oil barrels. He'll think it's a gift from Exxon Mobil for keeping gas prices high and for not signing the Kyoto Treaty. He's so dumb, he'll think there must be Trojan condoms inside. But instead it'll be one of our People's Vigilante Teams to do a citizen's arrest!

I also like the idea of a Trojan Donkey for the convention in Denver, only I don't know what it should be made of, what/who should be inside, or even why we should do it. I just like the idea.

Why, it needs to be made out of donkey hair that has been naturally shedded and held together with donkey poo. For should not the excrement of the symbol of our front organization be symbolic of the glue that shall hold us together?
Now I see the purpose of the People's Trojan Donkey of Progress^tm to be our ace in the hole at the convention. Wait I can't use that phrase as it is discrimitory toward the other cards in the deck. It shall be our recycled playing rectangle in the hole! We shall stuff it with Chairman Meow, Commissarka Pinkie, Commissar Pupovich and about 10 no-name proles ready to give thier lives for the cause. Just in case the evil hated capitalist pig dogs try any sheenanigans (Sheehanigans?) Chairman Meow will throw the no name proles at them, which they will lay upon, trying to force the proles to have babies against their will, buy guns, and cling to religion. While they are distracted Chairman Meow will round up all the hot young ladies and take them to the penthouse to protect them and let them bask in his progressive glow. Commissarka shall round up all the males of her choosing and take them to an undisclosed location for them to begin their mind cleansing through gruling sweating labor with little shovel, like the Army e-tool, not regular sized shovels. Finally Commissar Pupovich will run about randomly cracking skull and shouting "Bush Lied People Died", "Its for the Children" and any other Party approved slogans.

Thus order shall be restored to the convention.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

When you think about it, the Trojan Horse concept has been the Democratic Party's presidential candidate strategy for years. Ever since McGovern lost in a landslide by honestly campaigning on what he stood for.

Ha ha!!! Evil Captialist Halliburton!!! I laugh in your general direction! For soon you and all your evil capitalist oppressors will be no more!
The Party^tm shall take all of your evil wealth which you stole from the non working motivationally challenged persons and give it back to them (with the standard Party approved processing fee deducted of course)!!
The motivationally challenged will no longer feel inadequate and depressed by those with motivation to do things like go to work, pay bills, better themselves, etc. They will be punished for flaunting their motivation all over those who have none.
People like you Halliburton, will be sent to the gulag, after a proper show trial of course...the usual denunciations by friends and family, much weeping by poor women in rags and babushkas on how you stole bread from their children while laughing and smoking cigars in their faces. On how your exploited costodial unit while being forced to work all hours of the day cleaning up your evil capitalist filth, witnessed you on a foggy moonlit night naked rolling around in piles of cash giggling uncontrollably while eating kittens whole.
You and your ilk are a pox upon Amerika and you will soon be purged from the land in the name of Justice for the Worker^tm!!
After The Party^tm has control the seas will recede, polar bears will have massive procreation parties on the newly reformed sea ice, pollution will cease to exist, everyone will join hands and sing we are the world and then get naked and bask in each others naked oiled glory and love will permeate every orafice of every being!!!!!!!

*pant pant*

I must go.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

O'Brien, your rants turn me on!

Oh, I simply love this glorious new idea of a Trojan Donkey! Gotta hand it to those ancient Greeks--they had a harebrained scheme for everything. And theirs usually worked!

O'Brien is a wonder to behold....He has made my bosom swell with pride after reading his post to H. I can only hope to be as committed to the Party some day.

Just an aside,though...do I have to be one of the no-name proles inside the Trojan Donkey? I have this sinking feeling that I'm gonna be fodder for the revolution...not that i would mind,I give all to the Party. just want a heads up.

Having seen the full-length original of Lenin n Thingies' avatar, I hereby vote that we don't waste that as fodder for the Revolution. I say we stuff it with Boobtists, to keep Party losses at a minimum.

All right, Betinov, what are boobtists? Are they anything like Baptists?

And before you answer, I will grant you the rare consideration of reminding you that you haven't seen MY full length avatar.

You really can't be certain what's at the other end of that shovel . . . or for that matter, what I have at my feet.

You may not wish to find out.

This post might be loosely based on another ancient Greek legend or myth or fable . . . or maybe I'm just making it up as I go.

The choice is yours, Jar-Jar Brains.

I of course support O'Brien's scheme, and his disgust and derision of the evil Haliburton. I for one wish for a Show Trial for Halibuton, but I don't believe he should have a bullet wasted on him. No, we should put him in a glass cage so the liberated people can gawk and laugh at the creature that once put fear in their souls.



Commissarka, I also intend to continue my secret plan as well. I believe it can still pay off. All I know is that I have in the past received a (auto) signed picture of the Bushiltler and his wife and for the life of me, don't know why other than perhaps due to my efforts to ingratiate myself into his trust.

I too have a similar picture, signed and thanking someone not named Pinkie for her support. (Must've sold him a bro or manssiere.) I keep it on the shelf nearby where I can always see it for my bi-minutely two minute HBO.

Pinkie, the Boobtists are the members of the Church of the Holy Hooter, a new-age faith that believes war can be averted by the ceremonial display of sagging, leathery dugs in public places. According to Alexis Virago, High Harridan of the Boobtist sect, "The Ur essesnce of the Earth Mother is concentrated in the breast of the womyn, and is thus released when exposed." Although they are often ideologically allied with the Trutherans (and in fact, some congregations enjoy full ecumenical confessional reciprocity and open communion), not all Trutherans accept Boobtist doctrines as effective methods of combating the Great Satan.