The People's Cube - Political Satire

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Bono nearly died while drinking with Kavanaugh

Speaking in a new interview with the Sunday Times, he (Bono) referred to his 2015 cycling accident as a “brush with mortality” but said there had been another incident too. “It was pretty serious,” he said (via NME). “I'm all right now, but I very nearly wasn't. I've had a lot of warnings. A fair few punches over the last years.

I've received information from an unnamed source that Bono plans to go public with accusations that Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh was present during his recent brush with death.

"It's all still a bit fuzzy," Bono told this source, admitting he was "black-out drunk" during the incident. He's unsure of the exact location, or time the incident occurred, but, after consulting with friends... is now 100% certain Kavanaugh was involved. I have no doubt photos and other evidence will surface in the coming days.

"I've received information from an unnamed source that Bono plans to go public with accusations that Supreme Court Nominee Brett Kavanaugh was present during his recent brush with death."

Turns out, Kavanaugh was recommending a new toothbrush that he thought would help Bono rid himself of the ever-omnipresent decay of English dentistry. Since this dental problem is denied by most UKers, Kavanaugh was trying so hard to be kind so his friend could get the dental help he needed...What a friggin' mensch!