7/31/2019, 4:00 pm
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Debate 1.0 is here. Debate 2.1 happened last night. Debate 2.2 will happen tonight. The masses are waiting for their commissars to tell them what to think, and what the current truth is.
It appears that the most current truth is that the Mueller investigation has never happened, because not a single candidate mentioned it. They have smartened up enough to know not to beat the dead horse and turn Mueller into a non-person.
If the smartening continues to improve at this pace, they may soon become Republicans, and we can't allow this to happen. We must therefore preemptively denounce the two smartest of them, John Delaney and Tim Ryan, as traitors to the cause, strip them of the Party membership, and purge them from the roster of the candidates without delay. In short, make them non-candidates.
A few notes about last night:
It started with a Potemkin-village display of patriotism, carrying the flag and even a veteran with a rifle (it was an obvious dog whistle to Democrat gun owners, but I demand to know if this rifle was legally owned and if the said veteran had an open carry permit in the city of Detroit). This was followed by what sounded like a gaggle of cats; apparently CNN was able to herd together enough strays to sing the national anthem.
The next segment of the show was dedicated to finding out who can do everything that Trump does without being Trump, as everyone worried what Republicans might say about them and their proposals. This is noteworthy, because pre-Trump Democrats didn't care what Republicans said one way or another. The victory in this round went to Trump, whose gigantic but invisible apparition hung over the stage the entire time.
For the rest of the debate the participants argued who can best destroy healthcare, bankrupt the country, start a proletarian revolution, and control the weather. They also bickered about who could best throw their hands in the air, tell blatantly manipulative anecdotes, shoot the head off a straw man, and claim the moral high ground while using an entirely false and slanderous premise.
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders looked like two spiteful imps competing for who could read from the Communist Manifesto the loudest. At one point, Elizabeth Warren stopped reading Karl Marx's classic brochure to declare that she was a capitalist, and then proceeded to the next chapter. She mentioned Native Americans only once, which means she has learned to restrain herself.
In the end, Marianne Williamson came in one yoga mat short of winning, but the overall victory nonetheless belonged to Donald Trump.
Debate 1.0 is here. Debate 2.1 happened last night. Debate 2.2 will happen tonight. The masses are waiting for their commissars to tell them what to think, and what the current truth is.
It appears that the most current truth is that the Mueller investigation has never happened, because not a single candidate mentioned it. They have smartened up enough to know not to beat the dead horse and turn Mueller into a non-person.
If the smartening continues to improve at this pace, they may soon become Republicans, and we can't allow this to happen. We must therefore preemptively denounce the two smartest of them, John Delaney and Tim Ryan, as traitors to the cause, strip them of the Party membership, and purge them from the roster of the candidates without delay. In short, make them non-candidates.
A few notes about last night:
It started with a Potemkin-village display of patriotism, carrying the flag and even a veteran with a rifle (it was an obvious dog whistle to Democrat gun owners, but I demand to know if this rifle was legally owned and if the said veteran had an open carry permit in the city of Detroit). This was followed by what sounded like a gaggle of cats; apparently CNN was able to herd together enough strays to sing the national anthem.
The next segment of the show was dedicated to finding out who can do everything that Trump does without being Trump, as everyone worried what Republicans might say about them and their proposals. This is noteworthy, because pre-Trump Democrats didn't care what Republicans said one way or another. The victory in this round went to Trump, whose gigantic but invisible apparition hung over the stage the entire time.
For the rest of the debate the participants argued who can best destroy healthcare, bankrupt the country, start a proletarian revolution, and control the weather. They also bickered about who could best throw their hands in the air, tell blatantly manipulative anecdotes, shoot the head off a straw man, and claim the moral high ground while using an entirely false and slanderous premise.
Elizabeth Warren and Bernie Sanders looked like two spiteful imps competing for who could read from the Communist Manifesto the loudest. At one point, Elizabeth Warren stopped reading Karl Marx's classic brochure to declare that she was a capitalist, and then proceeded to the next chapter. She mentioned Native Americans only once, which means she has learned to restrain herself.
In the end, Marianne Williamson came in one yoga mat short of winning, but the overall victory nonetheless belonged to Donald Trump.
