The People's Cube - Political Satire

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DAILY FAIL: The most current truth from around the world

TODAY'S HEADLINES:

• North Korea publishes satellite image of California at night
  
• CALIFORNIA STRONG: "Five dollar a gallon gas is no big deal 'cuz there's no electricity to run the pumps anyway."
  
• DEPORTATIONS ARE COMING: California Governor Gavin Newsom blames electricity blackouts on Russian kulaks, vows revenge.
  
• CLIMATE STUDY: "There's no need for climate protests in China because China is already communist."
  
• NBA replaces U.S. anthem with China's, encourages players to kneel.

Ushanka tip to Margaret and Mi for the headlines, and to ThePeoplesComrade for the Daily Fail concept.

Lawless wild west capitalism is destroying California. The workers and peasants see what needs to be done.

The revolution is right around the corner!

Red Square wrote: DAILY FAIL: The most current truth from around the world

TODAY'S HEADLINES:

• North Korea publishes satellite image of California at night
  
• CALIFORNIA STRONG: "Five dollar a gallon gas is no big deal 'cuz there's no electricity to run the pumps anyway."
  
• DEPORTATIONS ARE COMING: California Governor Gavin Newsom blames electricity blackouts on Russian kulaks, vows revenge.
  
• CLIMATE STUDY: "There's no need for climate protests in China because China is already communist."
  
• NBA replaces U.S. anthem with China's, encourages players to kneel.

товарищи!

Finally a TPC meme that I can report from the front lines. I can assert that this splendidly planned and executed program worked as well as those in all socialist states. At 11:15 hours Wednesday, we were informed the glorious Peoples' Gas & Electric, in their infinite wisdom in bringing about TGWoNT, was about to plunge us all into darkness at noon. We needed to gather our meager, state-approved belongings and vacate the building, leaving to another day the pushing back of the frontiers of medical science. We were to return to our individual domiciles and await further instructions.

Those fighting a rear-guard action remaining behind informed us that the power did not go out at noon, nor at 3 PM, nor at 6 PM, nor at any other time. Our instructions to "work from home, if you can" all day Thursday also revealed that the power did not go out at any time during that diurnal period. Upon our return this morning, we discovered nothing different except that our deadlines were now two days shorter.

Of course, all of the mini-Pravdaettes were breathlessly reporting on the "ongoing emergency" of people not able to get enough ice for their cocktails and all of that $15/lb brie going bad in the fridge.

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Seriously, this tragedy is a war of the lawyers. After last year's disastrous Paradise Fire that eliminated an entire town, every personal injury and "consumer protection" lawyer in the state filed lawsuits against PG&E. They were joined by legions of activists whose mission it is to drive the utility into government receivership where it can be korrectly managed. To protect itself, their lawyers said to just eliminate the risk by not providing anything. Sort of like GM trying to avoid product injury lawsuits by not making cars.

Now everyone is screaming that they weren't given enough notice (even though we'd been getting notices and updates for two weeks) and wanting to sue PG&E for lost income and damages to perishable stock. One can almost hear the utility asking, "Isn't this what you wanted?"

- SK

As a follow-up, one of our local KGB offices produced this guide on how to deal with this ongoing crisis brought about by unbridled Kapitalism.

- SK

Brill xdrgftpugzztbmzrpfgx iant!

P.S. What the *uck, there was a short blackout in-between. Long live Windo-Solarism!

Komrade Syergyey, you not haf 120% Windo-Solarism in CA ? _Outrage !

What did crazy California commies use before candles?

Electricity!

Bwahahahahaha!!! Lol! I crack me up every time. That's rich!

Genosse Dummkopf wrote:Brill xdrgftpugzztbmzrpfgx iant!

P.S. What the *uck, there was a short blackout in-between. Long live Windo-Solarism!

Obviously Social-Karmasky with a fellow socialist state.- SK

Genosse Dummkopf wrote:Komrade Syergyey, you not haf 120% Windo-Solarism in CA ? _Outrage !

Da (or is that jawohl), Komrade! Behind my state-supplied hovel is the original, state-built, state-approved and state-subsidized wind farm of the Altamont. This glorious installation was started under the beknighted Carterski administration and flourished with 3,000 shining turbines providing Greta-pure electricity at only 230% of the cost of fossil (ptui) fuel (ptui-ptui). The evil Tsar Reganov cut the subsidies and the windmills fell silent almost instantly.

With subsidies restored under the beneficent Clintontsky regime (encouraged, no doubt, by our MTE), they once again became an Al Gorky wet dream, taking up only 5,000% as much land as a n*#clear plant of the same output. And, of course, under our Dear Leader's (PBUH) enlightened hand, the original turbines were sent to their reward and replaced by magnificent structures with an awe-inspiring, bird-slicing blade-span of 100 meters! And these provide almost 60% output of their rated capacity, averaged over a year.

These results were so magnificent, that the government paid to have an even larger installation placed down in Palm Desert so that the dachas of retired SAG members in Palm Springs can enjoy the noise and inefficiencies of this party largesse continuously.

Yes, Komrade Genosse, we have been the recipient of the Kamikaze of government-supplied electricity allowing us, like yourselves, to pay the highest utility rates on the continent!

-SK

Chief Designer wrote:

Genosse Dummkopf wrote:Komrade Syergyey, you not haf 120% Windo-Solarism in CA ? _Outrage !

Da (or is that jawohl), Komrade! Behind my state-supplied hovel is the original, state-built, state-approved and state-subsidized wind farm of the Altamont. This glorious installation was started under the beknighted Carterski administration and flourished with 3,000 shining turbines providing Greta-pure electricity at only 230% of the cost of fossil (ptui) fuel (ptui-ptui). The evil Tsar Reganov cut the subsidies and the windmills fell silent almost instantly.

With subsidies restored under the beneficent Clintontsky regime (encouraged, no doubt, by our MTE), they once again became an Al Gorky wet dream, taking up only 5,000% as much land as a n*#clear plant of the same output. And, of course, under our Dear Leader's (PBUH) enlightened hand, the original turbines were sent to their reward and replaced by magnificent structures with an awe-inspiring, bird-slicing blade-span of 100 meters! And these provide almost 60% output of their rated capacity, averaged over a year.

These results were so magnificent, that the government paid to have an even larger installation placed down in Palm Desert so that the dachas of retired SAG members in Palm Springs can enjoy the noise and inefficiencies of this party largesse continuously.

Yes, Komrade Genosse, we have been the recipient of the Kamikaze of government-supplied electricity allowing us, like yourselves, to pay the highest utility rates on the continent!

-SK

Irrelevant!

The "Prophetess GRETAhaaa" has consulted Earth's Higher Powers and predicts (with uncanny precision) we have but a few short months of breathable atmosphere remaining before the festering, stinking, pile of rotting garbage known as humanity is totally, finally, and permanently eradicated from the Solar System. (or something like that)

Enjoy!

CC

Yes, Comrade Captain. And then it'll be too late to smell the roses and eat the children (ForTheChildren™).

We must start doing it now, while we still have time.

Chief Designer wrote:... Yes, Komrade Genosse, we have been the recipient of the Kamikaze of government-supplied electricity allowing us, like yourselves, to pay the highest utility rates on the continent!

Captain Craptek wrote:... we have but a few short months [predicts Prophetess GRETAhaaa] ...

heh-heh, I already compiled the next satellite image for PIO, the Pyongyang Indoctrination Organ.

(Komrades, I will shovel a navel-high pile of ₩ alias KPWs, Korean People's wons, into my Gulag-account!) ("account"? heh-heh: a plywood box, cleverly buried in a corner of beet field #..........)