The People's Cube - Political Satire

Unsung Latin American heroes:
Ingrid Betancourt




After six years being kept by the revolutionary joydealers of FARC in cozy, average socialist conditions (that is, in shackles, starving and in 24 hours-a-day surveillance), Mrs. Ingrid Betancourt Pulecio was brutally torn apart from the healthy socialist lifestyle (in which she lost several pounds) by counterrevolutionary-opressive-bushitler-bootlicking Colombian government.

What would be sad news for the opressed peoples of the world hiddens in fact a joyous prospective: Betancourt announced she feels disposed to once again run for Colombian presidential elections.

Why these news should sound like the Socialist International played in a balalaika for truly revolutionary ears demand some explanation. If it's still premature to expect her to have caught the Stockholm flu, all of her story displayed the characteristics of a perfect useful idiot.

First, she is half-French, and France is an everlasting friend of Latin America against American Imperialism, such as demonstrated our man in Paris Nikolas Sarkozy, who took part in Betancourt defense and bravely fought the Colombian government resilent attitude against FARC, refusing negotiations/surrender.

Not only she is French, also she is Green, and so probably enjoyed the organic diet she received from her socialist kidnappers benefactors. In 2001, she launched her campaign by the statue of Hugo Chavez Simon Bolivar, against the stereotypical-latin-american-tyrant, current chimp-in-chief Alvaro Uribe . Mrs. Betancourt ran for the Oxygen Green Party, and that deserves some comment: who can be, after all, against oxygen? Oxygen is that thing you - and also Latin Americans, I've been told even our Islamic brethens in Palestine - breathe. Who could be against oxygen? Either you vote Green of you will end up devoid of oxygen. That's bloody brilliant! Our comrades in Amerika should take the example and rename your mission as Progressive Oxygen American Democrat Party. Also, from now on, refer to the Enemy as Republican Carbon Party.

Nevertheless, against Uribe's opressive-bigoted policies, that in his six-year term reduced criminalrevolutionary activity in Colombia by 80%, she was all for negotiations with the FARC, in her best French tradition. And so, during a visit to one of then Colombia's "demilitarized zones", she was gently invited to her long anthropological study in native resistance by FARC operatives.

Cornered by this Pinochet wannabe that is Uribe, FARC demanded the creation of new demilitarized zones, so they could have some place to kidnap negotiate a little bit more. That proposal was considered reasonable and so backed by all progressive governments of Latin America, Venezuela, Equador, Argentina, Brazil, Bolivia, and also the greatest friend of surrender Latin America, France. Unfortunately, Uribe tricked the innocent revolutionaries into believing that a helicopter of Colombia's Opressive Army was in fact from a local progressive NGO, and so brutally kidnapped Betancourt and other 14 FARC's guests without even giving them time for bid farewell to their previous hosts.

After years of Uribe's brutal fascist opression and cultural brainwashing by the West-except-France, a brainwashing in order to indoctrinate Colombians the Western cultural decadent values stating that drug dealing, robbery, murder and kidnapping are a lil' yucky, with Ingrid Bettancourt there is HOPE for a CHANGE in FARC's Colombia.

Ok, I'm with you Chehuahua.

Progressive Oxygen American Democrat Party sounds pretty good but wouldn't True Oxygen American Democrat Party be a better choice? It would make a great acronym, The TOAD Party.

Ribbit Ribbit.

Mmmmmm Ribs.

Ribs?!? Where?

Who can be against oxygen? I can! Oxygen is totally non-discriminatory in it's interactions, It allows the Bushitlers and Halliburtons of this world continue to bring death and destruction to the world. We need to have our scientists modify the oxygen atom so that it will only provide life for progressive minds, yet continue to cause rust to the imperialist war machines!

However, I am not the sort of progressive to only complain without having an idea of how we can correct this. As you know, the ordinary Oxygen atom has 8 electrons, with 6 on the outer shell that is what interacts with other atoms. I believe that a simple replacement here can create the super O2 atom that will bring live to progressives, and death to conservative imperialists and rust to their machines!

French, Green, and six years in the jungle? There have to be some strong pheromones eminating from Comradette Pulecio, the mere thought of which seems to have progressed my progressive. Excuse me, I must go implement my 5 Minute Plan.

I'm ashamed, Comrade Chehuahua. I didn't even bother to look at this post. I was in New Hampshire until yesterday, and I was so anxious to post something to the cube concerning the hostage rescue that I didn't even look at your beautifully written thread. You progressive outlook is so much more progressive than mine. I was so focused on the rescue event that I did not take the time to research Ingrid's glorius past. I know now why this rescue took place. It was an attempt by Uribe to discredit Betancourt.

RIK

Rikalonius wrote:I'm ashamed, Comrade Chehuahua. I didn't even bother to look at this post. I was in New Hampshire until yesterday, and I was so anxious to post something to the cube concerning the hostage rescue that I didn't even look at your beautifully written thread. You progressive outlook is so much more progressive than mine. I was so focused on the rescue event that I did not take the time to research Ingrid's glorius past. I know now why this rescue took place. It was an attempt by Uribe to discredit Betancourt.

RIK

You do me too much honor, comradette! It demands a great deal of self-control to avoid waggling my tail for you, which would be a toughtcrime as everybody knows that all tails are reserved just for The Great Leader.

At least if my canine figure is not immortalized on all squares - or T-Shirts - let's keep between us that is was not me, but the proper revolutionary brainwashing education in me.

I wish to thank you Comrade Chehuahua for helping me to finally being able to spell your name. Even the Mighty Marshal Pup, Canine extraordinaire, has problems spelling your particular breed.

After all she has been thru, where does she find the strength for such a courageous act.

Betancourt vows to not cut hair until FARC frees all hostages
Colombian politician and former hostage Ingrid Betancourt vowed in an interview broadcast here late Tuesday not to cut her hair until the FARC rebels in Colombia's jungle free all her fellow captives.

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Marshal Pupovich wrote:I wish to thank you Comrade Chehuahua for helping me to finally being able to spell your name. Even the Mighty Marshal Pup, Canine extraordinaire, has problems spelling your particular breed.

If you comrade allow me to be out of character for a minute, actually I had to copy-paste the word Chihuahua and meticulously replace the i with an e. Still I missed about 5 login sessions until Firefox could memorize that word I couldn't spell without controlcopying. All this difficult and mind you that I have a dog of that breed named Schnauzer.

My inability to spell that dog breed made me feel like an ignorant Amerikan as the Obamessiah pointed out so clearly the other day.