1/27/2020, 8:47 pm
[img]/images/various_uploads/Bernie_Empty_Shelves.jpg[/img]
PELLA, IOWA - In a recent stump speech, current Democrat frontrunner Bernie Sanders addressed the growing crisis of loneliness in America. "Being lonely is a violation of the universal fundamental right not to be lonely," declared Senator Sanders, adding that loneliness was the result of "the tyranny of the patriarchal, white supremacist, capitalist system creating too many opportunities to make individual choices."
Sanders assured the crowd that he was the only candidate who could stop this growing scourge with a simple, two-word solution.
"My policies will end loneliness for all good Americans, especially women, people of color and the undocumented," promised Sanders, "when they find themselves standing in bread lines, which is always a good thing. A good bread line not just a sign of a caring government. Long bread lines promote the sense of community and comradery by giving everyone the opportunity and time to get to know each other as they spend countless hours in line together."
The Senator went on to regale his fans with his memories of witnessing the heart-warming bonding effects of bread lines during his honeymoon in the Soviet Union.
Sanders was later challenged at a press-conference when a member of the press asked him to clarify, how exactly bread lines would help end loneliness for the "underrepresented and marginalized gluten-free persons" known to abstain from bread products.
The Democrat frontrunner's retort was quick: "If you don't like my two-word solution, I've got a three-word solution for you that is guaranteed to bring together people of all incomes, color, and sexual orientation, even better than bread lines: toilet paper lines."
PELLA, IOWA - In a recent stump speech, current Democrat frontrunner Bernie Sanders addressed the growing crisis of loneliness in America. "Being lonely is a violation of the universal fundamental right not to be lonely," declared Senator Sanders, adding that loneliness was the result of "the tyranny of the patriarchal, white supremacist, capitalist system creating too many opportunities to make individual choices."
Sanders assured the crowd that he was the only candidate who could stop this growing scourge with a simple, two-word solution.
"My policies will end loneliness for all good Americans, especially women, people of color and the undocumented," promised Sanders, "when they find themselves standing in bread lines, which is always a good thing. A good bread line not just a sign of a caring government. Long bread lines promote the sense of community and comradery by giving everyone the opportunity and time to get to know each other as they spend countless hours in line together."
The Senator went on to regale his fans with his memories of witnessing the heart-warming bonding effects of bread lines during his honeymoon in the Soviet Union.
Sanders was later challenged at a press-conference when a member of the press asked him to clarify, how exactly bread lines would help end loneliness for the "underrepresented and marginalized gluten-free persons" known to abstain from bread products.
The Democrat frontrunner's retort was quick: "If you don't like my two-word solution, I've got a three-word solution for you that is guaranteed to bring together people of all incomes, color, and sexual orientation, even better than bread lines: toilet paper lines."
