2/11/2020, 1:36 pm
[img]/images/Moby_Dick_Woke_Version.jpg[/img]
Responding to criticism that its initial diversity version of Moby Dick was merely a "fish tale in blackface", Barnes and Noble vowed to radically restructure Melville's ponderoous tome
Too begin with, the whale will no longer be a neutral symbol of unstoppable, remorseless nature. Rather, it will be recast as a sort of immense guardian whale shepherd who protects the more vulnerable members of the "oppressed cetacean community" from the "genocidal depredations of a heartless, hypocritical Christo-fascist patriarchy who would despoil the Earth itself in its hysterical racist fear of ….. The Darkness."
As such, the captain of the vessel will retain many of Ahab's characteristics, but he will be motivated more by a need to sublimate his fears of latent homosexuality necessitated by living in a patriarchal, hetero-fascist time. It was decided to go in this direction rather than make him a gay man named Gayhab. After all, you don't want a gay man as criminal
As for the "whiteness of the whale" this was deemed exclusionary of "Cetaceans of Color"; not to mention non-validating of inner city "readers of color" who were eager to delve into cryptic, unreadable 19th century maritime literature. Accordingly, a black whale character has been introduced. Among the names considered were Marcus Dick, Marlon Dick, Moses Dick, Kobe Dick and Tariq Diq. For a moment the name Malick Dick popped up; but resistance soon stiffened; causing enthusiasm to flag.
Moreover, the name Toby Dick surfaced momentarily but was immediately dropped as it triggered some traumatic memories of the show "Roots" In the end the debate swirled around the highly descriptive names Mocha Dick and Cocoa Dick. As the committee found itself deadlocked on this issue, it was decided to adopt two whales of color and call them the "Sperm Squad"
Then, so as to give female readers a sense of empowerment a third kick-ass, head-banging, "You blow, girl" female member of the Sperm Squad was proposed. Hilarity immediately ensued as names such as Corie Cooch, Sophie Snatch, Maddy Muff, Mindy Mish and Penny Poon were tossed about like so many whaleboats. Once that breech of decorum was controlled, it was pointed out that Dick was not slang for penis but a common name, at the time, for men. At which point, the more appropriate name of Moby Trish was approved
As for other characters … Both Starbuck and Stubb were tossed overboard as first and second mate and replaced by Queequeg and Dagoo, with the notion that employing these two as harpooners merely promulgated the invidious stereotype of "The Noble Savage" who were incapable of either leadership or executive decision making. Moreover, certain proclivities of Queequeq that were merely hinted at in a more homophobic era are now out in the open, as he is now proudly homosexual and engaged to marry The Narrator
In place of the brute savages as harpooners, and in a further nod to female empowerment, the harpooners are now take-charge, no-nonsense, "You throw, girl" women. In a nod to their liberated, newly-assertive sexuality, they call themselves the "The 'poon Gang" whose mission is to prove that the girls can murder whales just as effectively as the boys
As for The Narrator ... With a view to fighting runaway Islamophobia in a racist, Neo-Nazi Christian-supremacist America, the narrator is now a Muslim whose name really IS Isma'il. Of course this necessitated a new, improved change to the opening line of the novel, to wit …
"Salaam Alaykom. My mother (May Allah grant her entrance to the Garden) blessed me with the name Isma'il .. after Al Nabi Isma'il; he who was the best loved of Ibrahim."
Responding to criticism that its initial diversity version of Moby Dick was merely a "fish tale in blackface", Barnes and Noble vowed to radically restructure Melville's ponderoous tome
Too begin with, the whale will no longer be a neutral symbol of unstoppable, remorseless nature. Rather, it will be recast as a sort of immense guardian whale shepherd who protects the more vulnerable members of the "oppressed cetacean community" from the "genocidal depredations of a heartless, hypocritical Christo-fascist patriarchy who would despoil the Earth itself in its hysterical racist fear of ….. The Darkness."
As such, the captain of the vessel will retain many of Ahab's characteristics, but he will be motivated more by a need to sublimate his fears of latent homosexuality necessitated by living in a patriarchal, hetero-fascist time. It was decided to go in this direction rather than make him a gay man named Gayhab. After all, you don't want a gay man as criminal
As for the "whiteness of the whale" this was deemed exclusionary of "Cetaceans of Color"; not to mention non-validating of inner city "readers of color" who were eager to delve into cryptic, unreadable 19th century maritime literature. Accordingly, a black whale character has been introduced. Among the names considered were Marcus Dick, Marlon Dick, Moses Dick, Kobe Dick and Tariq Diq. For a moment the name Malick Dick popped up; but resistance soon stiffened; causing enthusiasm to flag.
Moreover, the name Toby Dick surfaced momentarily but was immediately dropped as it triggered some traumatic memories of the show "Roots" In the end the debate swirled around the highly descriptive names Mocha Dick and Cocoa Dick. As the committee found itself deadlocked on this issue, it was decided to adopt two whales of color and call them the "Sperm Squad"
Then, so as to give female readers a sense of empowerment a third kick-ass, head-banging, "You blow, girl" female member of the Sperm Squad was proposed. Hilarity immediately ensued as names such as Corie Cooch, Sophie Snatch, Maddy Muff, Mindy Mish and Penny Poon were tossed about like so many whaleboats. Once that breech of decorum was controlled, it was pointed out that Dick was not slang for penis but a common name, at the time, for men. At which point, the more appropriate name of Moby Trish was approved
As for other characters … Both Starbuck and Stubb were tossed overboard as first and second mate and replaced by Queequeg and Dagoo, with the notion that employing these two as harpooners merely promulgated the invidious stereotype of "The Noble Savage" who were incapable of either leadership or executive decision making. Moreover, certain proclivities of Queequeq that were merely hinted at in a more homophobic era are now out in the open, as he is now proudly homosexual and engaged to marry The Narrator
In place of the brute savages as harpooners, and in a further nod to female empowerment, the harpooners are now take-charge, no-nonsense, "You throw, girl" women. In a nod to their liberated, newly-assertive sexuality, they call themselves the "The 'poon Gang" whose mission is to prove that the girls can murder whales just as effectively as the boys
As for The Narrator ... With a view to fighting runaway Islamophobia in a racist, Neo-Nazi Christian-supremacist America, the narrator is now a Muslim whose name really IS Isma'il. Of course this necessitated a new, improved change to the opening line of the novel, to wit …
"Salaam Alaykom. My mother (May Allah grant her entrance to the Garden) blessed me with the name Isma'il .. after Al Nabi Isma'il; he who was the best loved of Ibrahim."
