The People's Cube - Political Satire

Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi has taken a moment from rooting through her ice cream freezer to strike a blow for the Black Masses who toil under the constant knowledge of their oppression.

In a move that makes an old Stalinist like your writer weep a tear of solemn pride, Speaker Pelosi, perhaps the most elegant and erudite Speaker in the history of the House of Representatives, has decreed that all inconvenient Old Bolsheviks be airbrushed from the Party.

The portraits of four former Speakers of the House, Democrats who at some point in their lives served the Confederate States, have been banished to the House Crypt, there to join the statue of Robert E. Lee that she had previously ordered removed.

Robert Hunter of Virginia (1839-1841), Howell Cobb of Georgia (1849-1851), James Orr of South Carolina (1857-1859), and Charles Crisp of Georgia (1891-1895) have been purged.

“Tomorrow, Juneteenth, the clerk will oversee the removal of those Confederate speakers from the House,” Pelosi announced during the press conference. “There's no room in the hallowed halls of this democracy, this temple of democracy, to memorialize people who embody violent bigotry and grotesque racism of the Confederacy.”

I for one salute this brave and bold move on Speaker Pelosi's part. Like Buddhist statues in Afghanistan, history that disagrees with the Current Truth must be destroyed.

Now is the time to hate, not to heal! Reconstruction must be nullified! The Confederacy must be reoccupied by Federal Troops and martial law imposed!

I look forward to future announcements that the Jefferson Memorial and Washington Monument are to be demolished (both were slave owners, and thus any action they took or idea they professed must be rejected). The Lincoln Memorial as well should be demolished (he once remarked that he was glad the Civil War was over, as he had always liked the tune "Dixieland").

Comrades! The Speaker has spoken! What other history must be purged in the name of Social Justice?

Comrade other Ivan,

What is our screening criteria?

Do we want to purge history of all injustices like Jeffersonian manifest destiny and it's impact on indigenous persons at places like Little Big Horn, or Wounded Knee; or perhaps the internment of Japanese during the 1940's, black on black violence rates, the rise of single parent families, the impacts of "great society" and planned parenthood?

or just the stuff done by rethugglikkans?

Well, other Ivan, it depends. If it is something associated with the Republikkkans, it obviously has to be memory holed if it was a "good" thing, and blasted 24/7 on every possible media outlet if it was a bad thing.

If it was a Democrat, however, certain criteria has to be considered:

1) Is the Democrat part of a preferred identity group? We cannot denounce any of the useful fools in the entertainment industry for wearing blackface and speaking in dialect, for example.

2) Is the Democrat an intimate or former intimate of the current Party elite? We cannot denounce former Grand Cyclops Thurmond, for example, as he was a mentor of Speaker Pelosi and Vice President Biden.

3) If, however, the Democrat is long dead, and there is no danger that someone who has not specifically studied Congressional history might recognize them as a Democrat, then yes, he can be denounced with confidence in an orgy of virtue signaling.

While I was serving in South Carolina, there were people raising the sunken Confederate submarine Hunley.

The running joke was that after hosing off the mud and crud, they found a bumper sticker on the hatch that said "Re-elect Strom Thurmond"

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:... What is our screening criteria? ...

I strongly recommend adding "just purge ze progeny uff ze Chermans".
After all (and here I refer to the Current Zeitgeist), like all Germans, they are pure Nazis.

Ivan Betinov wrote:3) If, however, the Democrat is long dead, and there is no danger that someone who has not specifically studied Congressional history might recognize them as a Democrat, then yes, he can be denounced with confidence in an orgy of virtue signaling.

Seeing as how the two parties switched names some decades ago (too far back for anyone not cognitively impaired to remember), we can properly label those offending Democrats as being 'Republican'. There's no need to footnote this korrection, since everyone knows The Great Party Name Switch is an undisputed fact of American history. We would only be clearing up the confusion, eliminating the need for such footnotes.

Gosh...'pelipsky is sure to make a double plus equal grade in history class now!

Having nothing to learn...or even unlearn...sure takes the pressure off.

'pelipksy is going to be spending less time on history study, and more time tryin' to solve TPC®.

And, Comrade Betinov, did 'pelipsky understand that these Confederate --- and therefore not Federal- but CONfederals -- speakers of the house are not actually dead yet, but are sentenced to some basement cell of the Capitol Building for further investigations and show trials?

'pelipsky

RACIST! RACIST!

Wait, what just happened?

Many beats comrades, we are trying to lead the argument.

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:What is our screening criteria?

Do we want to purge history of all injustices like Jeffersonian manifest destiny and it's impact on indigenous persons at places like Little Big Horn, or Wounded Knee; or perhaps the internment of Japanese during the 1940's, black on black violence rates, the rise of single parent families, the impacts of "great society" and planned parenthood?

or just the stuff done by rethugglikkans?

Like interesting times of Great Purge under Glorious Leader Stalin, you must denounce everyone and every thing to protect yourself the revolution. The Party Leadership will ensure that only rethugglikkans and counterrevolutionaries are sent to the gulag.

Comrade Ivan, you do trust the Party Leaders?

Denounce ALL histories. Let the show trials begin!

Oh my goodness, it's Juneteenth time again. It nearly slipped up on me. As someone who has, since birth, spent decades and decades and decades (you get the idea) in the South, I can truly say that this is a holiday no one I know had ever heard of until Zero usurped the White House.

Creating history can fill the void of the erased history. Why quibble about when and where it came from. Just enjoy it.

Here in Texazistan, Juneteenth has been a recognized State Holiday since about 1980, and has risen to Federal status, but this now causes me a puzzlement:

Let us assume that the Party ™ is correct in redacting the Civil War from history, the statues of Confederates disappear, State flags with "stars and bars" are redesigned, street names, parks, and even military bases named for confederates are changed. Civil war just goes away, {poof} never happened. That being said;

One day in the near future, a young beet sprout of a child raises it's hand in class and asks "Comrade Teacher, why do we celebrate Juneteenth?" Critical race theory and Current Truth™ have ruled out the event that eliminated slavery, so Teacher can't bring that up, 1610 project says history began 200 years before the "non-event" so there's no crutch there...

If Teacher says there's no reason to celebrate, he/she/xir is a racist, and it's off to gulag. If any Teacher tells the truth, they are a Rethugglikkan racist, and it's off to gulag. if teacher pulls something out of their "rectal database", they violate curriculum, and it's off to gulag.

I sense there may be a trend here... but Happy Juneteenth!

(Juneteenth: brought to the status of Federal Holiday by none other than Shiela Jackson-Lee who's only other significant legislation in 14 terms in the House (since 1995) was getting the list of hurricane and tropical storm names to include names of "sumpthin' other than white womynfolk...")

Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:and even military bases named for confederates are changed.