12/17/2021, 11:57 am
San Francisco, CA -- As 'smash and grab' flash mobs become a normal part of business in California, stores are being forced into action. Some are leaving the state or shutting down, while those intending to remain are remodeling their facilities to discourage looting and other forms of mostly peaceful protest.
"We're rethinking how to organize our Bay Area store layouts, especially the entrances. We unconditionally support protestors working to end racism by stealing things, but we'd rather them not do it while in our stores," said Rachel Pooph, spokesperson for Nordstrom's northeast region.
Building designs that encourage protestors to 'make good choices' have been presented by Walgreens, Target and Safeway at a recent San Francisco zoning commission meeting. The new configurations typically include a moat and drawbridge, with portcullis and double gated entranceway.
Many also feature a serpentine entrance to discourage driving vehicles easily through the gatehouse. The proposal from Walgreens noted this layout would also be helpful if Huns attacked the stores using a large battering ram, "an unlikely but not impossible scenario, given the world's lack of progress on global climate change."
Ms. Pooph noted that most changes were ascetically pleasing as well as functional. For example, the proposed drawbridge would be painted in rainbow colors to support LBGQ rights.
Not everyone is happy with the proposed concepts, however. Animal rights groups have shown alarm at some of the proposals, especially filling moats with non-indigenous species such as alligators or piranha. PETA vowed to protest any such design by launching humanely euthanized cattle into the stores via trebuchet.
