6/6/2022, 1:49 pm
El Paso, TX -- Beto O'Rourke, the Democratic challenger for Governor of Texas in the upcoming 2022 election, detailed his campaign strategy today to members of the press. "The plan is to go full crazy like I did at [Governor Greg] Abbott's Uvalde press conference. I scored big points there - changed hearts and minds. Did you see the article about it in the Seattle Times? I probably got through to dozens of people."
He provided more details by laying out his well-thought-out plan to increase the use of tragedies as backdrops to further his political career, starting with auto accident victims.
He explained the logic, "The goal here is to win by any means possible - my getting elected is more important than respecting a few grieving families or outmoded ideas like 'common decency.' That's just reality. Murders by firearm aren't as common as say, poisonings or auto accidents. There are, like, four times as many deaths in either of those categories per year, so I'm reaching more people - more crying, more press, more of everything."
He continued, "There just was a case this week in Michigan where some nutjob ran over two kids and then fled the scene - kid's deaths have a lot more impact and you get more exposure than 'regular' deaths (like old people). Anyhow - my bags are packed and I'm flying into Detroit Metro tonight. If they have a press release about the case, watch for me breaking through the cordon to start shrieking F-bombs about how tragic it is and why I need to be elected so the government can ban whatever it is. Was it cars? I'll figure it out on the way, it's a five hour flight."
He provided more details by laying out his well-thought-out plan to increase the use of tragedies as backdrops to further his political career, starting with auto accident victims.
He explained the logic, "The goal here is to win by any means possible - my getting elected is more important than respecting a few grieving families or outmoded ideas like 'common decency.' That's just reality. Murders by firearm aren't as common as say, poisonings or auto accidents. There are, like, four times as many deaths in either of those categories per year, so I'm reaching more people - more crying, more press, more of everything."
He continued, "There just was a case this week in Michigan where some nutjob ran over two kids and then fled the scene - kid's deaths have a lot more impact and you get more exposure than 'regular' deaths (like old people). Anyhow - my bags are packed and I'm flying into Detroit Metro tonight. If they have a press release about the case, watch for me breaking through the cordon to start shrieking F-bombs about how tragic it is and why I need to be elected so the government can ban whatever it is. Was it cars? I'll figure it out on the way, it's a five hour flight."
