The People's Cube - Political Satire

The Party is now moving all staff and Party Organs to our new HQ in the AIG corporate building. You will receive a memo in your in-box directing you to your new Party-issued work hole. All Party members will be outfitted with their very own scared shitless AIG corporate executive which is to be used for your own personal enjoyment. Torment away, Comrades. Torment away!

Daily Kos Poll: The Messiah: 49% McSame: 42%

The Party would like to think the following Comrades for their professionalism, diligence, and total disrespect for this country:

Marshal Pupovich

Commissarka Pinkie

Commissar Theocritus

Comrade Otis

Comrade Margaret

Bonnie Fwank

Chris Dodd

Our very own Union Boss (cracking skulls!)

Oprah

And the scabby whores from The View

Congratulations to you all.

Reminder: The Party bake sale for next weekend has been canceled due to Andrew Sullivan's insistence on attending. Andrew, we know what the fudge really is and we don't appreciate it one bit. We would also like you to leave the Party after this election. You are useless... utterlessly useless. You disgust us all.

On a lighter, yet very, very serious note:

This week marks the beginning of Disenfranchised Florida Senior Citizens Who May or May Not Have Voted for Pat Buchannan in 2000 Due To the Very Complicated And Confusing Butter-fly Ballot Which Was Intentionally Designed To Disenfranchise New York Transplants Who Moved to Florida for the Good Weather Week.

Be sure to wear your special DFSCWMMNHVPB2000DVCCBBWWIDTDNYTWMFGWW ribbons to show your solidarity with those who were denied their rights by the Bush Regime.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: DFSCWMMNHVPB2000DVCCBBWWIDTDNYTWMFGWW

??

Betty, that's code for "racist"...get with the program!!!

I live in Texas, so I know what that means!!!!



Duh wtf are those people thinking??? WE aren't THAT stupid!!!

But it's so long! How does anyone expect me to remember something like that? I can barely remember to breathe sometimes let alone remember the DNA sequence/SSN of a racist!

The code is not important to remember. Someone higher up in the chain of command will remember it for you, or failing that, will make something up at a later date, and inform us if necessary. Thankfully, most remembering and thinking is done for me, as I am low on the totem pole (that's racist native american speak). All I have to remember is to pick up my daily rations of potatoes and vodka, and intimidate those weaker then me. LIfe is good.

ON a side note, unrelated to the party news, I really really want a Obama Doll with Inflatable head. I'd even pay top ruble for one. I'd grab a video camera, and film as I slowly inflate the head and sychronizing it to audio of Baracks speeches ...until the head detonates, which, would be sychronized to CNN announcing Ohio had gone to McCain, thus giving Johnny and Sarah the White House. Then post said video on YouTube, and launch my career as videagrapher, maybe get a job filming Palin.

Premier Betty wrote:

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: DFSCWMMNHVPB2000DVCCBBWWIDTDNYTWMFGWW

??

I believe wise Chairman Punchenko is using a short abbreviation developed by the collective to describe:

Disenfranchised Florida Senior Citizens Who May or May Not Have Voted for Pat Buchannan in 2000 Due To the Very Complicated And Confusing Butter-fly Ballot Which Was Intentionally Designed To Disenfranchise New York Transplants Who Moved to Florida for the Good Weather Week.

See? DFSCWMMNHVPB2DTVCACBBWWIDTDNYTWMFGWW.

Clear as the sky over the collective farm.

I must now take my Ritalin with Red Bull chaser. It is the only way I can sleep these days.

to Comrade Leftfield

You typed all that in for the benifit of Premier Betty? It must have taken valuable minutes. Couldn't you have spent your time in a more constructive way, like weeding a collective garden or reading important Party literature? Like I said, I am not high in Party rankings, but sometimes we have to let the weak ones die along the roadside as we march to victory. Not saying the Premier is weak, but will the Premier be pleased that you spent all that time pointing out to him and others what was cleary printed in the original party announcement? "Hey Premier Betty, you fool, I will type it again, with bold letters so you will be humiliated by the Gulagosphere". Hmmm, I think thats risky business Commrade, risky business.

Union Boss wrote:to Comrade Leftfield

You typed all that in for the benifit of Premier Betty? ..... Hmmm, I think thats risky business Commrade, risky business.

Oh no, Union Boss.....computers now come equipped with new Revolutionary technology called cut/copy and paste. With such technology both Obamessiah and "Uncle Joe" Biden can quickly expropriate patriotic passages of other Revolutionaries successful speeches for their own needs.

I do not worry about Premier Betty.....that is where I get my Ritalin and Red Bulls.

Meow. Dear Meow. I love you like my brother Mark. Really I do. It still brings a tear to this old socialist's eye when I think of the last time that I saw Mark as the STASI was taking him away.

"You said you have a gift for my birthday!"

"I do, Mark, I do. Your chance to give all for the Party. And by the way, it seems that I didn't need the password to your accounts after all because last Monday you forgot to to run your spyware program and flush your browser cache. I promise to take care of your assets until you return."

And Meow, I'd do anything for you. You know that. In fact I'm still pulling shards of Hummels out of the drywall at the Rancho from the time you rode the Hildo Hydra that night the Empress was drunk on virgins' blood that you spiked with stolen Stoly.

But if you think that I'm moving into a socialist-modern cubicle, you've been sniffing Magic Pixie Dust.

First of all, where is the dungeon? I suppose I could take over the health club, but it needs to be lined with latex.

Second, the idea of a <i>cubicle</i>. Have you seen the inside of a cubicle? No massage table, no recliner, no Pioneer 60" plasma, no B&W 801 speakers, nothing of the most minimal requirements. For god's sake, Meow, there's only a cheap desk and chair and a fluorescent light that makes my head hurt. And when Theocritus' head hurts, <i>everybody's</i> head hurts.

So it just won't do. I might consider putting a few hours, from my suite at the Four Seasons. Gotta love those Canadian hoteliers.

I'm still confused....

But if you think that I'm moving into a socialist-modern cubicle, you've been sniffing Magic Pixie Dust.

Absolutely not! The Party Elite will not be subjected to such dehumanization, Theocritus! That is absolutely out of the question! That... that is just terrifying! I am truly speechless and I apologize to everyone -- everyone! -- for the confusion!

Party Elite are excused from the new Party-issued "work stations" (or "work hole" which is more appropriate... especially after personally seeing the office furniture myself).

Party Elite will be relocated and stationed at the Waldorf Astoria, so there is no need to worry, Theocritus. No need to worry at all.

First of all, where is the dungeon? I suppose I could take over the health club, but it needs to be lined with latex.

I have been informed that the Waldorf does have a "spa", but I am unsure as to whether or not they will allow you to line it with latex. But then again we don't need their approval.

Oh, I would feel much more comfortable if Bruno were to stay in Texas, Theocritus. Yes... that Bruno is very disturbing. The last time I was at your resort I caught him running to his room with a handful of free Bowflex DVDs. I will not inquire as to what he planned to do with those Bowflex DVDs or the box of kleenex he had with him. Disturbing.

Meow, I do understand your reservations about Bruno and lordie I'd love to leave him in Texas. Or in a Santa Fe WalMart for that matter. Or in the bottom of an abandoned well. I've tried to lure him to the edge of the well with some really good rhinestones, which normally would fetch him <i>into</i> a closet with a lock on the outside but some primitive sense of survival kept him from toppling for them--and into the well. Perhaps it was the dozen wets with shovels grinning right behind the well.

"Bruno," I wheedled, "That's <i>El Populo de la Villa</i>. You know, the Juarez Village People." Still he wouldn't come close. What little brain he has is devoted entirely to survival, I'm afraid.

But, Meow, we need to consider another plus. Bruno is perhaps the only force that could see off some of the freaks in Chelsea. I don't know about you, but I blench when I think of an attack of 6' 6" drag queens in stiletto heels. I know that as a last-ditch defense Saddam Hussein recruited some of them from his days making dirty movies but shock shock he'd killed them, much like a praying mantis.

It is my opinion that if those drag queens hear of all the bling that the Party will bring to the party to plan the Progressive World of Next Tuesday they will advance relentlessly, their hisses tearing down walls, and only Bruno will be our salvation.

But he has to sleep in someone else's room. I'd do anything for the party. Well, nearly anything.