7/5/2023, 11:10 am
On July 2, an unusual occurrence rocked the White House: a plastic bag of unidentified white powder was discovered. It immediately turned into an unnerving crime scene
A HAZMAT team was deployed to safely remove the mystery bag from the White House and carry it to a far less important place—a public area out on a sidewalk.
The substance, found in the West Wing, was later determined to be cocaine hydrochloride, or "coke" (or— as they call it in Philadelphia—"butter").
Hunter Biden is not on the hook because he was at Camp David with the Big Guy (and because he's never on the hook), so other scapegoats suspects are being investigated.
These White House regulars declined to comment when questioned:
- "Call EVERYBODY!" More flashing lights than Studio 54 in 1977.
A HAZMAT team was deployed to safely remove the mystery bag from the White House and carry it to a far less important place—a public area out on a sidewalk.
- Taking every precaution, a HAZMAT team treats the mystery bag with the same level of frenzied overreaction as non-smokers treat tobacco.
The substance, found in the West Wing, was later determined to be cocaine hydrochloride, or "coke" (or— as they call it in Philadelphia—"butter").
Hunter Biden is not on the hook because he was at Camp David with the Big Guy (and because he's never on the hook), so other scapegoats suspects are being investigated.
These White House regulars declined to comment when questioned:
- Top left to right— Kamala Harris, Jill Biden and Anthony Blinken. Bottom left to right— Karine Jean-Pierre, George Soros and Hunter's dog, Snow Blast.