Rockford, IL -- This small community was left shaken after a mass stabbing yesterday that killed 4 and left several others injured. The tragedy has added urgency to the concept of "Common Sense Knife Control" which appears to enjoy broad support nationally as knife attacks have increased drastically.
The spokesperson for End Knife Violence Now (EKVN), Trevor Tremble, said in a prepared statement "Another day, another stabbing in America. When will end? When we as a nation have the courage to ban knives and all other sharp or pointy things."
EKVN later clarified this statement by saying they weren't advocating for a complete cutlery ban, "...just heavy taxation and regulation of knives, background checks & red flag laws, and a national registry of knife owners. Oh, and no one should own big, heavy knives like meat cleavers - except butchers."
Critics of these proposed measures say there is no evidence that knife bans prevent stabbings and that nearly all the evidence cited by EKVN can be traced to a 1974 study about implementing safety scissors in Kindergartens.
3/28/2024, 11:33 pm
Ellsworth Toohey
An excellent start, Komrade.
But there are many such inanimate objects that commit capital crimes.
How many people need to die from auto accidents before we ban auotmobiles? I know we're working on it, but progress is way too slow.
And semi-automatic rocks? How many people have to die before we ban large capacity semi-automatic rocks? I mean the gulags have enough labor to turn those large capacity rocks into harmless pebbles.
And di-hydro monoxide? How many people have to die from inhaling it before we finally establish the needed ban for use without a federal license*?
The list is endless. This slaughter must end!
...for the children.
*license available for party members in good standing who can provide the required rubles to party leaders for 'processing'.
3/29/2024, 11:51 am
trashmouth
If only some noble progressive would be inspired to overpower the reight- wing establishment and their samurai sword-wielding fentanyl freaks to create a grant funded by tax increases, which would pave the way for emotional counseling, job training, or late-night flash mobs, which would undoubtedly go a long way to prevent sharp minds and objects. We should consider this grant as an investment in our future, one that will be paid back with the warm thanks and undying gratitude of all bureaucrats and displaced undocumented workers throughout the fruited plains and those fruited plains that the CCP has not purchased.
Besides grant money, we should insist that laws must be created that discourage American Citizens from not only being sharp but owning knives, screwdrivers, needles, ice picks, sticks, stones, or any sharp object by creating an illusionary maze of permits, background checks, fees, bureaucratic roadblocks and demand an end to dangerous hardware stores as well as home improvement stores. Perhaps law enforcement agencies will need to establish sharp object-free signs and confiscate ( anyone ), and all sharp objects from people who acquire them illegally or through the knife show loopholes, which will leave these people defenseless at the hands of law-abiding sharp object-free citizens.
Comrades, the time has come, and we need to insist on this before the Orange Bad Man dismantles all of our progressive blessings on mankind!
If only some noble progressive would be inspired to overpower the reight- wing establishment and their samurai sword-wielding fentanyl freaks to create a grant funded by tax increases, which would pave the way for emotional counseling, job training, or late-night flash mobs, which would undoubtedly go a long way to prevent sharp minds and objects. We should consider this grant as an investment in our future, one that will be paid back with the warm thanks and undying gratitude of all bureaucrats and displaced undocumented workers throughout the fruited plains and those fruited plains that the CCP has not purchased.
Besides grant money, we should insist that laws must be created that discourage American Citizens from not only being sharp but owning knives, screwdrivers, needles, ice picks, sticks, stones, or any sharp object by creating an illusionary maze of permits, background checks, fees, bureaucratic roadblocks and demand an end to dangerous hardware stores as well as home improvement stores. Perhaps law enforcement agencies will need to establish sharp object-free signs and confiscate ( anyone ), and all sharp objects from people who acquire them illegally or through the knife show loopholes, which will leave these people defenseless at the hands of law-abiding sharp object-free citizens.
Comrades, the time has come, and we need to insist on this before the Orange Bad Man dismantles all of our progressive blessings on mankind!
Yeah, and ban brisket porn videos, too. They might as well just wear the MAGA hat while they showed viewers knives and brisket while talking about brisket, and knives. Food porn shows and home videos only encourages the knife weilding culture.
That's the way this video of brisket knife pornography ought to be viewed, behind a black screen link.
4/1/2024, 3:56 pm
Ivan the Stakhanovets
These things have been going on for years...
"Cum Catapultae Proscriptae Erunt Tum Soli Proscripti Catapultas Habebunt" *
(*When catapults are outlawed, only outlaws will have catapults.)
4/16/2024, 9:37 am
jackalopelipsky
New York needs knife safety reeducation now.
Stabber Takeira Hester in police booking shot and RUNNING with a knife after stabbing attack on Saturday.
Head Start has failed in New York if New Yorker’s are arrested for RUNNING with a knife! What has is Head Start been teaching the past 30 years?
Another Irony Curtain story of the need for Knife Control
1/24/2025, 10:28 am
Colonel Obyezyana
Comrades, all this fuss about knives is pointless (pun) when the Current Truth™ still obfuscates the fact that cars kill more Americans than anything else...
...but that Current Truth™ can easily be adjusted to align with Political Correctness:
Comrades, all this fuss about knives is pointless (pun) when the Current Truth™ still obfuscates the fact that cars kill more Americans than anything else...
...but that Current Truth™ can easily be adjusted to align with Political Correctness:
The other day, the jackalope saw an Alpha Romeo 15 with the tag “Angel King”. It was fast and powerful. Very safe driver, Texazistan Friendly, y’know…
The other day, the jackalope saw an Alpha Romeo 15 with the tag “Angel King”. It was fast and powerful. Very safe driver, Texazistan Friendly, y’know…
Glad you recognized it. Sometimes it's mistaken for the venerable Aston Kilo-47 (they call 'em that because their bad drivers kilo lot of people).
1/28/2025, 2:06 pm
Red Salmon
Most Equally Esteemed Comrades,
While shunned by many, I am partial to the Suzuki/Kia/Saab (SKS). While short on "looks", endurance (capacity), and a replenishment method that requires some practice, the SKS is rugged and not prone to failure. The addition of the permanently installed personal conflict resolution tool (especially the spike version) is an added bonus. The whole package is a life saver. At least it was for me.
I pine for the days when when $100 bought two tins of ammo on strippers and a rifle encased in cosmoline. Heavy sigh...
Critique away in the Current Truth™,
Red Salmon
1/30/2025, 7:37 am
jackalopelipsky
Remember when Secretary of Health and Human Services, Joclyn Elders demanded we the people be relegated to safer guns, and safer bullets? At last, kitchen knives are under safety scrutiny. Kitchen knives don’t need that pointy end! That kitchen knife’s pointy end is the problem to prevent the stabbing of other unlikable for some personal reason, people.
The other day, the jackalope saw an Alpha Romeo 15 with the tag “Angel King”. It was fast and powerful. Very safe driver, Texazistan Friendly, y’know…
Glad you recognized it. Sometimes it's mistaken for the venerable Aston Kilo-47 (they call 'em that because their bad drivers kilo lot of people).
You’re welcome. That Alpha Romeo 15 was so fast, so powerful…it just blew the jackalope away. Air cooled engines never ran better than in an Alpha Romeo 15.
1/30/2025, 9:01 am
jackalopelipsky
Stop the Current Truth Presses!
Forget safer guns, bullets, and knives. Memory Hole that Current Truth Outrage, now!
CyberFarting is the Current Truth Outrage.
2/4/2025, 7:56 am
jackalopelipsky
Cat Fight in Scotland. Get the SUB Waffle House twirly pop popcorn machine going.
