The People's Cube - Political Satire

The United States needs a new economic stimulus plan that pumps billions of dollars into infrastructure projects and budget relief for cash-strapped state and local governments, Democratic lawmakers said on Sunday."

This is why I, as a Capital "S" Socialist, support the Democratic party as the nearest substitute for a full-fledged people's utopia. The Democrats understand that the purpose of collecting billions of dollars of taxes is to provide "relief" for governments.

"U.S.House Speaker Nancy Pelosi last week said a $150 billion economic stimulus plan was needed to help counteract a faltering economy shaken by a paralyzed banking system and steep stock market falls."

Speaker Pelosi, as a scientific socialist, sure knows her science! As the educated among know, the purpose of a "stimulus plan" is to unparalyze banks and increase stock prices (as intermediate steps in the evolution of capitalism's inevitable demise). Here's how it works: When people pay taxes instead of saving money in banks, the banks shrivel and die. Hence, death replaces paralysis. Furthermore, stock prices (which represent mass opinion of future profitability) would then increase for obvious reasons. You do not agree that the reasons are obvious? Then you are an uneducable Hitler-pig who burns crosses at McCain rallies.

"The Congress earlier this year passed a $152 billion stimulus package that provided tax rebates of up to $600 per adult to support consumer spending at a time of rising energy and food costs. Most of that money has already been spent, and many economists say financial turmoil will squeeze the economy into recession in the fourth quarter."

"Many economists, indeed!" Here, for example is a sharp analysis from one of my favorite economists:

"Not only is Wall Street frozen, but Main Street is in real trouble. A stimulus aimed at Main Street makes sense," New York Sen. Charles Schumer told CNN.

And he continues with a particularly apt gastrointestinal metaphor, which in fact reminds me of my last night's dinner:

"He said the plan should 'get into the guts of the economy' by boosting spending on infrastructure such as roads, sewer and water projects.

Of course. And I'm glad that Congress realizes that a mere $152,000,000,000 was not enough taxation to fix our economy. Many economists say that $700,000,000,000 would be better. Many of my professional colleagues say that $2,000,000,000,000 would be closer tothe ideal. Of course, these well-intentioned academics and people's representatives are on the right path...but...but...if spending $152,000,000,000 or spending $700,000,000,000, or $2,000,000,000,000 is such a good idea (as it most definitely is), then why not simply take over the entire economy instead?

If public works projects are so helpful (as they absolutely are), then why not simply convert every human activity into a public works project?

Left to their own devices, people are far too inexperienced to manage anything as sophisticated as an economy. That's why experts are required to do the managing, directing, and the thinking. It's for your own good.

Change.

Kurgman wrote:If public works projects are so helpful (as the absolutely are), then whynot simply convert every human activity into a public works project?

Why not convert humans into public works projects? We can pave miles and miles of eco-friendly roads with the corpses of public works volunteers. Just imagine the reduction in green-house gases if we were to carry out such a program.

Think about how many polar bears we can save by enlisting hundreds of hardworking people to give up their lives in the name of eco-friendly infrastructure. Just think of how many hungry Africans will be able to eat now that millions of Americans permanently serve as the new eco-freindly I-95. It would be utopia! The zero-sum pie would get bigger, and bigger and bigger as more, and more and more Americans give themselves to public works.

Hunger would vanish. Healthcare would be affordable and of the best quality. And the worlds carbon footprint would be reduced by a whopping .2%!

Why, I think we can acheive a utopia unlike that seen in even North Korea if we were to partake in this grand endeavor!

I think that the increase of minimum wage, while crucially important, must go hand in hand with the drop in the maximum wage, with one paying for the other via taxation. This is what progress really means if you REALLY CARE. Because if you REALLY CARE you will not be opposed to paying taxes. Every year Congress must introduce new low wage raise simultaneously with new high wage drop - and again, and again - until high and low become indistinguishable.

That's when the morality of altruism will triumph, true equality will be achieved, and money will disappear because it will no longer have any meaning anyway. Everyone will be contributing according to his abilities and consuming according to his needs. Special observers will be making sure that work contributed by a worker matches the approved list of his abilities. Special distributors will be making sure that a worker's needs do not exceed the quota based on the availability of goods and services. And, of course, there will be watchers who will watch these watchers, and so on. Full employment will be guaranteed. What's not to live for?

Hope.

Comrade Red Square,

Where do I sign up for these new employment opportunities? I have a Mosin rifle and some mid-level watcher experience. For the greater good, I could be a 'special observer.' I am available immediately after the The Progressive World of Next Tuesday^TM.



Comrade “Pul”
Tiglath-Pileser III
Over 2753 Years of Organizing Communities

Finally....finally....

I am so happy someone has explained this clearly to me how all this spending will destroy the evil, capitalist system which has kept us oppressed for so long.

I think that all of these economic stimulus plans, this pumping of money into the capitalist system, is an exercise that will bring us all to ruin. This money is the sweat and blood of Labor. It is in the government's hands as a sacred trust. To give it to the capitalists is an outrage. All they will do with it is create more exploitive architectures of racism, sexism and cultural imperialism - further draining away what Labor has created and earned. I would hope that this would send the working classes to the barricades but America is so reactionary and Right Wing that I hold no hope for it.

Oh the OOOOOOOOO's! They make me dizzy~


As for Schumer: He is the Senior Senator from my very progressive state of NY. The state of disrepair of our highways and byways is atrotious. (caused by the diversion of funds to other projects that the people have yet to discover) Yes, I know he is the US Senator, but our State Senators take their cues from Schumer & Clinton; that is they emulate them with their spend, spend, spend policies (Hence, the 6,5000,000,000 billion(?) deficit in NY).
As an esteemed "economist", Senator Schumer has personally guaranteed the downfall of more than one bank with his constant diarrhea of the mouth.
<karacter>
The Great One has explained that full employment will only happen when Joe the Plumber makes up his mind to vote for the One and he gives over all monies, etc. to the Party, therefore making it a certainty that Joe will indeed NOT need to worry about being taxed or buying the company he works for. As we all know, Joe will be able to partake in all that is Obama and the GLORIOUS REVOLUTION OF NEXT TUESDAY!

BTW - McSame got my message when he called Ayers a "washed up terrorist"
Che would NEVER recruit him-no organization-imagine blowing up your own,... by mistake and..... never killing anyone because you warned them in advance?
<Karacter> Does Schumer EVER make sense? He can lie out of both sides of his big mouth! When he opens his buccal cavity, fallacies abound!!!