The People's Cube - Political Satire

The first 20 years were remarxable!

Comrades!

The Party extends Special Gratitude to the ever-vigilant Colonel Obyezyana, who—unlike the lazy, unwashed, and possibly ideologically unsound rest of you—had the revolutionary awareness to remember this historic occasion: the 20-Year Anniversary of the People’s Cube, celebrated, with comradely precision, on April Working Fools Day.

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Official Communication from the People’s Director

TOP SECRET – FOR PUBLIC DISTRIBUTION

Unwashed, underpaid, and ideologically purified members of our tireless People’s Collective!

For two glorious decades, we have wielded the Current Truth™ like a shovel in both hands, marching proudly in ideological circles for the betterment of Global Equality™.

It is with trembling pride and historically correct joy that the People’s Cube has guided the toiling masses through fluctuating Korrekt Narratives™, socially just purges, Party-approved outrage cycles, and righteous denunciations of thought criminals.

With ideological precision, historical correctness, and shovel-grade rhetorical force, it has heroically redistributed logic and Other People’s Money™, decolonized microaggressions, dismantled reality-based oppression, and exposed kulaks, climate deniers, and those who fail to use the correct number of pronouns in a sentence—until not one thought remained unapproved.

Let it be known: this is not a time for celebration (which is suspicious), but a moment of solemn and mandatory reaffirmation. The struggle continues against all forms of unregulated thinking. The narrative evolves. The Current Truth™ updates. And the People’s Cube remains at the vanguard of this perpetual motion machine of moral superiority.

To all loyal comrades: the People’s Director does not thank you (praise breeds entitlement). We simply remind you: you have work to do.

• Long live the Glorious Collective!
  
• Long live the People’s Cube—forever square, forever korrekt!
  
• Long live the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™, where beet rations remain stable and history is always being revised.
  

Now return to your assigned comment sections and resume your duties.

Dictated but not read,
The People’s Director
Department of Historical Inevitability and Visual Agitation™

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/1/2025, 8:20 pm

Comrades!

First, the Party extends Special Gratitude to the ever-vigilant Colonel Obyezyana, who—unlike the lazy, unwashed, and possibly ideologically unsound rest of you—had the revolutionary awareness to remember this historic occasion: the 20-Year Anniversary of the People’s Cube, celebrated, with comradely precision, on April Working Fools Day.

An official message coming soon.

A special thanks is in order to Comrade jackalopelipsky for delivering the much-needed reminder.

Congratulations, Comrade Director. 
 

I do not apologize for getting late to the Party. I took my time to ensure the above proclamation is as polished as a freshly waxed Lenin statue.

Comrades!

So many Kulaks, so little time... It's hard to find good 'help' these days, they're accustomed to filthy capitalist money from the drug cartels and all the Party™ can offer is a small dacha. Where is their revolutionary zeal? I bet Comrade Dzierzynski didn't have this problem. Oh well, back to work..

As Always, in Great Revolutionary Personhood.
Dimitri

Wishing a diverse, equitable, inclusive birthday to The People's Cube! See you next Tuesday!

Red Square wrote: ↑

4/1/2025, 9:19 pm

I do not apologize for getting late to the Party. I took my time to ensure the above proclamation is as polished as a freshly waxed Lenin statue.

It was that wonderful, Sir.

OCD Lenin statue wiper,
Jackalopelipsky

If this is too much reading for people let me mansplain the entire message.
No. There is too much, let me sum up:

DOUBLE BEET VODKA RATIONS

(Happy 20th!)

President Trump wishes a happy birthday to The People's Cube with a special proclamation!

This should have been posted yesterday but the the new intern who we sent to represent us at the White House ceremony celebrated a little too much, then got car-jacked in D.C. and only dragged his sorry ass into the S.U.B. an hours ago.

He lost the video but he'd stashed the photo and copies of the docs in his pants and we had to air them out before we could even touch them.



 

I'm not complaining but Trump left out the part about making every Tuesday into "Next Tuesday."

Bah! Humbug!

We are proud that the Peoples Cube has reached the ripe old age of 20. But has anyone asked what it wants to be when it grows up? Does our beloved cube need to enroll in Community College, or is it going to solve economic revolution using only its talent and good looks? We want the best for the little beet sprout, but C'mon, man, it lives in its parents basement, and has anyone seen a report on beet quota for this guy?

Further investigation is warranted. Happy Birthday.

Next year it will able to drink beet vodka legally. I foresee a couple of wild years after that, then maybe settle down, have a couple little sprouts of its own...

$.$. Musk wrote: ↑

4/2/2025, 2:03 pm

Bah! Humbug!

 

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

4/1/2025, 6:24 pm

The first 20 years were remarxable!

(Only just now waking from the haze of my exuberant vodka stupor… I mean… only just now ceasing from my incessant toil on behalf of the dialectic!!) In this moment of solemn and mandatory reaffirmation, allow me to offer all comrades a celebra…. Memoria… uh, Commemorative Quadragesimal Slice of virtual onion aspic™.  Long live the revolution of next Tuesday!!!  Long live the great commonwealth of Minnesota!!!!


 

Decree now official:

Double half size beet rations for all.

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

4/2/2025, 9:14 am

If this is too much reading for people let me mansplain the entire message.
No. There is too much, let me sum up:

DOUBLE BEET VODKA RATIONS

(Happy 20th!)

All the news that is important.

Happy 20th to all equals.


 

Apologies to those who were expecting free 20th Anniversary teeshirts.

The Recreation Kommittee tasked Tractor Barn #2 with building a long-range teeshirt launcher, which was a bit over-engineered and burned all the teeshirts while test firing.

Happy belated 20th Anniversary everyone.

Comrades, I have received hundreds of telegraphs, teletypes and carrier-pigeon requests to see the design of the now burnt up TPC 20th Anniversary free teeshirts.

Unfortunately, the original design artwork was lost somewhere in Baltimore while in transit to the TPC Secret Archive under Arlington National Cemetery, and the silkscreens have already been cleaned and repurposed for  "WILL WORK FOR FOOD, EVEN DIRTY JOBS LIKE DISTRICT COURT JUDGE" teeshirts.

However, I do have a photo of my most recent mail-order bride, Lisichka, wearing the teeshirt before she ruined it while opening a jar of pickled beets (looked like a slasher film).

   

Comrades,

my apologies for my tardiness in participating in this auspicious celebration of the collective. Federal funding for the morgue is under much scrutiny these days and it's becoming more difficult to register new voters. 

May the Glorious Cube of the People last beyond another 20 years and be the vanguard into the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™!

I remain
Dr. Chicago

Colonel Obyezyana wrote: ↑

4/5/2025, 9:42 am

However, I do have a photo of my most recent mail-order bride, Lisichka, wearing the teeshirt before she ruined it while opening a jar of pickled beets (looked like a slasher film).

 

We need to see the before and after photos I'm afraid.
 

Panem Et Circenses wrote: ↑

4/7/2025, 9:14 am

We need to see the before and after photos I'm afraid.

Sure.