The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades! Be aware, The Revolution™ never sleeps, nor does it let others sleep. Not in Manchester, New Hampshire where The Revolution™ sleeps for no one and pickle jarring Kulaks are rousted out of their beds in the middle of the night by Manchester’s Chief of Environmental Health, Aaron Krycki.

https://nhjournal.com/can-it-manchester ... kle-sales/

TPC SUB Waffle House News reports that even under intense interrogation by Soviet Aaron Krycki, the productive Kulak, Dan Mowery, refused to disclose his secret "tweeks" to his Grandmother's Bread n' Butter pickle recipe. Instead, Kulak Dan repeated the motto of New Hampshire - "Live Free Or Die" - in response to charges leveled against him by Manchester's Chief of Environmental Health.

The Revolution™ never sleeps, comrades.

Apparently, in the Live Free or Die state, freedom was quietly discontinued, and jars of fermented cucumbers have now become Public Enemy No. 1.

As someone from Ukraine where pickling vegetables is a national pastime, I immediately thought of Babushka Irina, who famously shot down a Russian drone with a jar of pickles from her balcony. A true People's Air Defense System.

Naturally, such spontaneous acts of freedom and resistance can't be allowed in Democrat-controlled territories. Who knows what else a jar of pickles can take out besides a drone? That's why the Party has moved to ban these weapons of mass preservation, as part of their effort to neutralize the Second Amendment.

So while "Live Free or Die" is long forgotten, perhaps "Pickle or Die" can still ferment in the hearts of New Hampshire.

Yes, Red Square! All comrades celebrate Ukraine’s Babushka Irina! What an arm! Rumors are Houston Astros have used her skill as training for pitchers.

Manchester’s Chief of Environmental Health is forcing New Hampshire Kulaks to go non-brinery.

Red Square wrote: ↑

8/20/2025, 10:10 am

As someone from Ukraine where pickling vegetables is a national pastime..."

Funny you should mention Ukrainian pickles. Only a few days ago I got a jar of Veres pickled cornichons from Ukraine, never suspecting that I might be taking part in an act of sympathetic solidarity with the oppressed picklers of New Hampshire. 
 

Live pickled or die!

One of my summer dachas is in this state of granite, although the dacha is not constructed of granite.  I am currently there, so receive the people's news from the local propaganda wing of the DNC  TV stations.

Most of the "Live Free or Die!" state is totally party red (that is the voters in most of those locations are shown as red on political maps). However, the cities and college towns are enlightened and quite progressive.  (Rich Hall had a riff on states mottos and wondered how the prisoners like printing "Live Free or Die" on license plates.  I have no first hand knowledge of that.)

Manchester (the 'queen' city, although I can't remember seeing any men sporting high heels, boas, and bright red lipstick there) is one of those progressive utopias. Their Kommissars are so oppressive progressive they have decided state law is not oppressive progressive enough and have instituted their own laws saving the proletariat from accepting tasty gifts from their non-state approved neighbors.  The fact that hundreds of yellow buses (Kommie-La's favorites) are routinely seen traveling from the People's Republic of Massholes into the state of granite is merely a coincidence relative to the Kommissars that run the cities.

I feel so safe and free here.

Hides my gulag jar of kimchee

Greetings Komrades from the glorious Peoples Republic of Down Under, under the Grand Imam Albonizza, hero to the oppressed masses in the ancient and revered cultural oasis of Palestine.

(/OFF) How I have missed the Cube. I learn through satire... (/ON)

Manchester's glorious bureaucrats have sure got the people out of a pickle pickle. 

Australians are seasoned veterans in compliance through food regulation. We used our brines, knowing that unapproved food is deadly. Now we relish our peace and safety, knowing that private food production has been sufficiently destroyed  regulated, for everyone's health and betterment. Soon, we will not need hospitals, because no-one will be sick, apart from those mentally ill neocons and liberatarians. But we must pickle our battles very carefully.

In fact, before he was our Grand Imam, Albonizza and his komrade Daniel Andrews dill-icately fermented a system of government food regulation like no other. 

They saved an entire community from this kapitalist thought criminal and his empire of private food production,  before moving to bigger and better things. Daniel Andrews, of course, was the hero who singlehandedly saved the state of Victoria from Covid, and from the scourge of independence and personal responsibility, so now they own nothing and are happyTM.

Comrades!!

This is not the time to hide your pickled whatever, unless of course, you are stockpiling drone ammo for The Revolution.™

No, comrades! Now is the time to purchase products from back alley briners of tweeked up recipes from their fellow comrade, Aunt Clara "I'll Bust Your Balls" Zeiken! IYKYK Clara knew some brining recipes, don't kid yourselves, comrades.

The Revolution™ requires hard core Kulak production and economic activity.

Productive Kulaks! No more, just brining some of your Mama's Bread n' Butter's tweeked to your satisfaction selling at cost! No self respecting Kulak works for FREE, like his time was of no consequence. That's gulag work. To be a revolutionary Kulak means to cover costs, expenses, and a kopek for your time and your ability to tweek up a Bread n' Butter recipe to exceed even your high expectations. The State does not reward you for this time expense, so if you don't, nobody will. This is communism.

Comrade Pickle Kulaks!!! Unite!!!

Kulak Producers and Kulak Purchasers come together, right now...livin' free. [No apologies for inserting Boomer guitar rif into the proletariate's mind.]

Boldly hot water bath your pickled jars so that you can beat that competition at the Winchester, New Hampshire Pickle Festival.

https://winchesternhpicklefestival.org/

Kulak Purchasers, support your pickle productive Kulak comrades. Life in The Collective™ is better with some pickled relish and a well stocked drone ammo pantry.

Be The Revolution™.

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Jackalopelipsky,

Your latest rantings eloquent agitation seem to encourage Comrades to stockpile pickled munitions to use against the Commissars appointed by The Party™.  Commissar Krycki (sounds like something Steve Irwin might say...) is only looking out for The People™ by discouraging that KKKapitalist and Counter Revolutionary trait of self reliance.  No one should be able to provide for their own needs!  That is what The Party™ is for!  To tell us what our needs are and then provide to us accordingly.  Individuals (spit spit) growing their own food is not acceptable.  Where is The Collective™ in that?  Encouraging the production and stockpiling (hoarding) of garden food stuffs is agitating for the Counter Revolution™.

I'm certain that this was just a momentary slip and that you had no Counter Revolutionary intentions.  I would hate to have to point the fin of denunciation your way.  Perhaps a quick stop by the Jiffy Lobo™?  We will tell no one.  

All manifestations of self reliance and entrepreneurship must be eliminated!  There are no individuals, just The Collective™!  (and The Current Truth™)

Red Salmon

 

Red Salmon wrote: ↑

8/22/2025, 11:53 am

Most Equally Esteemed Comrade Jackalopelipsky,

Your latest rantings eloquent agitation seem to encourage Comrades to stockpile pickled munitions to use against the Commissars appointed by The Party™.  Commissar Krycki (sounds like something Steve Irwin might say...) is only looking out for The People™ by discouraging that KKKapitalist and Counter Revolutionary trait of self reliance.  No one should be able to provide for their own needs!  That is what The Party™ is for!  To tell us what our needs are and then provide to us accordingly.  Individuals (spit spit) growing their own food is not acceptable.  Where is The Collective™ in that?  Encouraging the production and stockpiling (hoarding) of garden food stuffs is agitating for the Counter Revolution™.

I'm certain that this was just a momentary slip and that you had no Counter Revolutionary intentions.  I would hate to have to point the fin of denunciation your way.  Perhaps a quick stop by the Jiffy Lobo™?  We will tell no one.  

All manifestations of self reliance and entrepreneurship must be eliminated!  There are no individuals, just The Collective™!  (and The Current Truth™)

Red Salmon

 

What's the purpose in sending the jackalope to the beet fields if not for production for The Collective™? Has the USSA gone Aboriginal in thinking about time?



Has Global Warming ended the snow and ice of winter in New Hampshire??? Sure, if beet or cucumber season never ends, then no reason to resort to self preservation. But, seasons happen...for a reason, we are told.

An early look at the Winter 2025/2026 shows the influence of a weak La Niña phase. The latest forecasts also indicate a weaker Polar Vortex, which means more dynamic pressure patterns, enabling colder winter days over the United States, Canada, and Europe. Aug 13, 2025

Do you really think feel a Jiffy Lobo® is enough to prevent these facts from dot connecting in this hare brain beet shoveler's mind? If the taxidermist couldn't do the job right the first time, how's a Jiffy Lobo going to Nanny State Skirt, the pickle conundrum we have before us?

Declare yourself The Revolution™ and pickle on!

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

8/22/2025, 12:23 pm

It might work in the 9th Circuit and other liberal courts.



 

jackalopelipsky wrote: ↑

8/22/2025, 12:23 pm

Yes! Colonel Obyezyana! Perfection. Brine onwards for the future, comrades.

So, her takeaway is that Western Culture wastes time (by advancing civilization through thinking ahead) while African culture isn't wasting time because there is no future.

Brilliant. If only Mbiti had figured out that if the future doesn't occur until we act, that we should act to create the future we desire, as Western Culture has been doing. That's why we don't live in mud huts, abysmal poverty, abominably unsanitary conditions and always on the brink of starvation like much of Africa does. 

Nothing like making one's own box to think in and thinking sideways in it.

She didn't even finish the book yet! 

 

Comrades!!

This is NOT about one jar of pickles! No! This is about the future of pickle regulation, itself!



Preserve the FEAR, comrades, then put copious amounts of tweaked to your taste standards homemade relish on your Labor Day hotdog.