The People's Cube - Political Satire

Some tips when making phone calls on behalf of The One:



I love the online phonebank!

Undecided Voter: Hello.

Me: Hello and salutations, my name is Meowsevich S. Punchenko and I am calling on behalf of Barack Obama for America.

Undecided Voter: OK.

Me: Yes, I was wondering if you have made up your mind on who to vote for on November 4^th?

Undecided Voter: Well, I am kind of unsure right now. I mean, I am not all that comfortable with either candidate to tell you the truth and…

Me: Let me stop you right there and ask you what issue is the most important to you as an undecided voter.

Undecided Voter: Well, I guess the economy right now and who will keep the country safe.

Me: OK, give me a second while I scroll through my prepared talking-points so that I may give you a response that will, hopefully, ensure your vote for Senator Obama.

Undecided Voter: (laughing) OK.

Me: OK… Senator Obama is going to take money away from the rich -- those making around $182,000 -- and will give you roughly $1,000 of it to go towards whatever you want.

Undecided Voter: Umm. OK. I own two restaurants and make a little over that a year and…

Me: Well then Senator Obama will be taking your piece of the pie and give it to someone more deserving like, say, Tyrone Williams who was just recently released from prison on rape charges and in desperate need of some tax relief.

Undecided Voter: (click)

Me: Damn… That is the sixteenth caller today. I'll dial one more.

(Dials another number)

Undecided Voter: Hello?

Me: Hello, my name is Meowsevich S. Punchenko and I am calling on behalf of Barack Obama for America.

Undecided Voter: Who?

Me: Barack Obama for America. He is the black guy running for president.

Undecided Voter: (laughing) Oh, right, right. That guy.

Me: Yes, and I am calling to see whether or not you have made up your mind yet on who you are voting for?

Undecided Voter: I am leaning towards McCain right now.

Me: I see. What issue or issues is the most important to you right now?

Undecided Voter: Economy and national defense.

Me: You mean national security?

Undecided Voter: Yes and…

Me: Well, I mean, saying national defense just makes you sound stupid. I understand you are a Pennsylvanian and all and a bitter-clinging redneck to boot and…

Undecided Voter: (click)

Me: Damn. Lost #17!

This is indeed baffling, why wouldn't anyone want to vote for him with all these great policies he wants to put forth. I admire your skill with dealing with these imbiciles on the phone, it must make one's head hurt so much to see so many people unwilling to accept what is good for the Party, I mean, them....

Yes! Reach out!

And don't forget to Adopt Five (no, we haven't changed our position on abortion, we're talking about voters.)

Marshall Pupovich- a new addition to the People's Kitchen. Cute, yes?

Comrade Mikhail:

Thanks so much for obtaining this precious video of our Empress-in-waiting. She is sooo articulate (lawyer) and what a great idea, adopting "5" voters. Why I'm plugging in my outdated Party issued land line phone (doesn't cost as much) right now. I'm positive that with the Chairman's talking points (thanks for writing them down for us proles, oh glorious Leader) I shall sway many undecided voters, registered or not, to the Obamessiah's cause. Besides, it's easier than digging.

As always,
your most devoted servant,

Che' Gourmet

Chairman Meow! It is so good to see that they have released you from the lockup down in Richmond, PCVA. again!. Comrade Gov. Kaine refused to tell me where you were being detained. Yesterday I sent Ivan and Ludmilla down there to "reason" with him. I am most pleased to see that they were successful!

Comrade Chairman, I do not understand why these "troglodytes" keep hanging up on you. Clearly, once his excellency "The Obamessiah" ascends to the throne he going to be sending many of them to their nearest KMTC for some "re-ed-ju-makay-shun".

The most important call for Obama was made by Joe Biden...

url=http://penetratinginsights.blogtownhall ... uary.thtml]BIDEN CONVINCES AL QUEDA TO DELAY OCTOBER SURPRISE UNTIL JANUARY[/url]

Posted by Michael Asher on Wednesday, October 22, 2008 1:46:18 PM

Is that a Jitterbug that Obama's using?

Premier Betty wrote:Is that a Jitterbug that Obama's using?

//karacter off

Probably! He is a diabetic and, from what I hear reported, has been on kidney dialysis for a decade or more. So he probably has some degree of diabetic retinopathy (damage to the retina(s) due to complications from diabetes). If he had a cell phone (though not likely) he would probably need that Jitterbug phone. He once had a sat phone that he used. But that went dead after one of the Communist progressive MSM outlets reported that the NSA was listening in.

I am a diabetic and I have to have my eyes checked every year for retinopathy. Which is no big deal to me since I have to have an yearly eye exam anyway if I want to get my contact lenses prescription refilled. The only minor nuisance is having to have my pupils dilated. It takes a 2-4 hours for those eye drops to wear off and when you walk outside into bright sunlight ... ow! I always have to remember to take a pair of prescription sunglasses or have someone drive me to optometrists office.

--
ZB

Chairman, you are a shoo-in for Biden's Chief of Staff! Job well done, comrade!

Opiate of the People wrote:Chairman, you are a shoo-in for Biden's Chief of Staff! Job well done, comrade!

Thanks, Comrade! I am all about going that extra mile for Progress -- so long as someone else is carrying me.