10/23/2008, 9:37 pm
Dear Leader Barack Obama was clear in his orders:
"I need you to go out and talk to your friends and talk to your neighbors. I want you to talk to them whether they are independent or whether they are Republican. I want you to argue with them and get in their face," he said.
"And if they tell you that, 'Well, we're not sure where he stands on guns.' I want you to say, 'He believes in the Second Amendment.' If they tell you, 'Well, he's going to raise your taxes,' you say, 'No, he's not, he's going lower them.' You are my ambassadors. You guys are the ones who can make the case."
Somewhere in Pittsburgh, a brave foot soldier of the Obama campaignwas doing his part in spreading the wealth around by liberating it from privileged Bourgeois oppressor of the downtrodden, Ashley Todd. Not only was she guilty of having private wealth precisely because the man who rightfully demanded his fair share had none, but to add to her unspeakable crimes he discovered she was a McCain supporter! Remembering Dear Leader's orders to "get in their face", he courageously wrestled the young woman to the ground, possibly risking an abrasion to his knuckles as he continually punched and kicked her, and carved a "B" in her face. Only in a fascist dictatorship such as that of the Bush regime in which an estimated 300,000,000 Americans have disappeared and been executed could such a noble specimen of progressivism be forced into hiding. The indictment brought on our society by such injustice makes me weep. But I take hope knowing that McCain supporters had better think twice before keeping their wealth to themselves. a brave woman, identifying with the masses so miserably oppressed by the once and always source of evil, George Bush, attempted to suffer for her people. Inspired by the Sioux Sun Dance, but having an allergy to leather, Ms. Todd beat herself up, and carved a "B" for "Evil" in her own face cleverly etching it backwards as a metaphor for the "B"ackward policies of the "B"ush dictatorship. "No price is too great to pay to help usher in the Age of Obama," she said modestly, "I was just doing what I knew in my heart to be right." All who support her in her suffering will receive an additional $1,000 in beet and potato credits, which will be liberated from "B"ourgeois plumbers.
Also, better armed followers of Dear Leader selflessly took it upon themselves to educate a Florida Repugnantcan about Dear Leader's pro-Second Amendment views. No doubt having to overcome waves of nausea just by handling firearms, these outspoken progressives, at their own expense, took it upon themselves to exercise an artistic and sensitive expression of free speech by carefully shooting at the windows of Rog Coverely's home. No one was injured in this episode because of the great care taken for the safety of Coverely and his property.
Oh, comrades, tingles surge up and down my legs when I recall the words of the great genius of humanity, Marx, who said, "The Communists disdain to conceal their views and aims. They openly declare that their ends can be attained only by the forcible overthrow of all existing social conditions. Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Working Men (except plumbers) of All Countries, Unite! Rejoice comrades, rejoice, for The One will bring about the inevitable revolution and the other people's change we've been hoping for!
