The People's Cube - Political Satire

In response to our leader, Red Square here is the NEW Obama Bill of Rights! The less confining one! Since the Constitution is a living, breathing document, feel free to add on your own amendments comrades!

Amendment I

Confining Version
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances.

Non Confining Version
Congress shall respect no one's religion except the worship of The One. All speech shall be free and fair under the Fairness Doctrine and anyone who questions The One shall be cut off from any further interviews. Since The One shall redress all grievances, there is no need for assemblies or complaining to the government since all will be well.

Amendment II

Negative Rights Version
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed.

Positive Rights Version
Guns are bad and all bitter clingers who own them shall turn them over to The One.

Amendment III

Restrictive Version
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

Non Restrictive Version
We shall have no more standing army and any UN Peacekeeper who wants to treat your house like a European Youth Hostile is more than welcome to it.

Amendment IV

Negative Liberty Version
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Positive Liberty Version
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized, unless these people ask The One a difficult question or criticize his policies in any way. If this happens, all records, history and private life of any citizen, public or private, are free to be broken into and posted on the internet, broadcast on TV or printed in the paper.

Amendment V

Non Redistributive Version
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

Redistributive Version
All Gitmo prisoners shall be set free.

Amendment VI

AmeriKKKa Version
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.

Obama Version
The One shall appoint as many liberal judges as speedily as he wishes and the need for a defense shall not be necessary because if you are committed of a crime the judges can't sentence you to jail time because time in jail may conflict with your new job as a professor at a US college.

Amendment VII

Bitter, Clinger version
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law.

The One's Way
Anyone who has $20 left after Obama redistributes the wealth shall be killed by a jury of his peers. However, you can only kill that person once.

Amendment VIII

Racist European Version
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.

New Version
Arresting anyone is bad and if you committed a crime, it was probably because society forced you into it. Guilty as sin, free as a bird.

Amendment IX

Constraining Version
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people.

Non Constraining Version
Every citizen of the world, especially foreign terrorists and illegal immigrants are covered by this document.

Amendment X

Restrictive Version
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people.

Freed Version
All power of government shall be held by the Obamasiah to redistribute wealth as he sees fit and any power not defined by this or any other document shall also be held by the Obamasiah.

The Preamble needs to be changed!
Nationalist Amerikkka version:
We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect Union,
establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common
defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to
ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the
United States of America.

I'm not sure all the changes that should be made, let me propose a couple, instead of "We the People of the United States" should be changed to "We the elite Citizens of the World".
Also "and our Posterity" should be removed as it might conflict with the supreme right to abortion.

There's a lot of low-hanging fruit there.

Article I and Article II should be reversed to keep it consistent with Comrade Biden's statements in the Vice Presidential debate.

To Comrade Ted State

An excellent post comrade! Although.........



If any SOB UN Peacekeeper sets foot on my "little corner of the Universe", he will have a big suprise coming! Also, I believe they are called Hostels not Hostiles (although the latter sounds better).

keep the Cube rolling Comrade,

Che' Gourmet

Is the surprise a big homemade apple beet pie?

Jumping ahead just a bit.

Amendment XXII

Old regressive version:
"No person shall be elected to the office of the President more than twice, and no person who has held the office of President, or acted as President, for more than two years of a term to which some other person was elected President shall be elected to the office of the President more than once. But this Article shall not apply to any person holding the office of President, when this Article was proposed by the Congress, and shall not prevent any person who may be holding the office of President, or acting as President, during the term within which this Article becomes operative from holding the office of President or acting as President during the remainder of such term."

New Progressive version:
"....... "

Vote for HOpe and ¢hange in 2012, 2016, 2020, 2024, 2028, 2032, 2036, 2040....

Ahh Commissar M you must live in one of the advanced Socialist States perhaps NYC where they have just done away with the term limits for mayor!
https://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jpz ... QD940H6J80

Too bad this is for an evil Rethuglican, but it is progress and sets a precedent for The One to extend his glorious rule

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized, unless these people ask The One a difficult question or criticize his policies in any way. If this happens, all records, history and private life of any citizen, public or private, are free to be broken into and posted on the internet, broadcast on TV or printed in the paper.


Yes the Messiah will stop pesky truth about him from being known, I can see the Gulags in many peoples future. Like Plumber Joe will be putting his pipe wrench away and pick up a shovel, That woman in Florida, she will be dealt with under the Messiahs Devine will.

It looks like People's Mayor Bloomberg has got his mind right


Mayor Michael Bloomberg's '09 run may be on Democrat line for third term

Tosh! Who needs to modify this original document of oppression? Shred it I say! Lets begin anew:

Article One

DECLARATION OF RIGHTS OF THE LABORING AND EXPLOITED PEOPLE

---

CHAPTER ONE
1. America is declared to be a republic of the Unions of Workers', Soldiers', and Peasants' Deputies. All the central and local power belongs to these unions.
2. The Democratic People's Republic of America is organized on the basis of a free union of free states, as a federation of democratic free states.

CHAPTER TWO
3. Bearing in mind as its fundamental problem the abolition of the exploitation of men by men, the entire abolition of the division of the people into classes, the suppression of exploiters,the establishment of a socialist society, and the victory of socialism in all lands, the Democratic People's Republic of America (DPRA) further resolves:
(a) For the purpose of attaining the socialization of land, all private property in land is abolished, and the entire land is declared to be national property and is to be apportioned among agriculturists without compensation of the former owners, to the measure of each one's ability to till it.
(b) All forests, treasures of the earth, and waters of general public utility, all equipment whether animate or inanimate,model farms and agricultural enterprises, are declared to be national property.
(c) As a first step toward complete transfer of ownership to the DPRA of all factories, mills, mines,railways, and other means of production and transportation, the soviet law for the control of workmen and the establishment of a Supreme Soviet of National Economy is hereby confirmed so as to insure the power of the workers over the exploiters.
(d) With reference to international banking and finance, the DPRA is discussing the soviet decree regarding the annulment of loans made by the Government of the United States, by landowners and the bourgeoisie, and it trust that the DPRA will firmly follow this course until the final victory of the international workers' revolt against the oppression of capital.
(e) The transfer of all banks to the ownership of the Workers' and Peasants' Government, as one of the conditions of the liberation of the toiling masses from the yoke of capital, is confirmed.
(f) Universal obligation to work is introduced for the purpose of eliminating the parasitic strata of society and organizing the economic life of the country.
(g) For the purpose of securing the working class in the possession of complete power, and in order to eliminate all possibility of restoring the power of the exploiters, it is decreed that all workers be armed, and that s People's Red Army be organized and the propertied class disarmed.

CHAPTER THREE
4. Expressing its fixed resolve to liberate mankind from the grip of capital and imperialism, which flooded the earth with blood in its present most criminal of all wars, the DPRA is implementing a policy of abrogating secret treaties, of organizing on a wide scale the fraternization of the workers and peasants of the belligerent armies, and of making all efforts to conclude a general democratic peace without annexations or indemnities, upon the basis of the free determination of peoples.
5. It is also to this end that the DPRA insists upon putting an end to the barbarous policy of the bourgeois civilization which enables the exploiters of a few chosen nations to enslave hundreds of millions of the working population of Asia, of the colonies, and of small countries generally.

CHAPTER FOUR
7. The DPRA believes that now, during the progress of the decisive battle between the proletariat and its exploiters, the exploiters should not hold a position in any branch of the DPRA Government. The power must belong entirely to the toiling masses and to their plenipotentiary representatives.
8. In its effort to create a league- free and voluntary,and for that reason all the more complete and secure- of the working classes of all the peoples of America, the DPRA merely establishes the fundamental principles of the DPRA, leaving to the workers and peasants of every people to decide the following question at their plenary sessions of their soviets, namely, whether or not they desire to participate, and on what basis, in the Federal government and other Federal institutions.


Now this is just something I came up with off the top of my head (HA). Any suggestions? I figured we should adopt the old system of soviets inn honor of the pioneers of our struggle.

O'Brien

WAR IS PEACE
FREEDOM IS SLAVERY
IGNORANCE IS STRENGTH

These negative liberties are probably old Revolutionary time trash anyway. We need a new, Messianic version anyway.

(/karakter)

Brilliant!

(karakter)

Four beers at a time?!?

BRILLIANT!!

Amendment XVI

Restrictive Version

The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.

Obama Version

The Congress shall have power to lay and collect taxes on incomes, from whatever source derived, without apportionment among the several States, and without regard to any census or enumeration.

/Kharacter off

This is one of my fave short stories by Kurt Vonnegut who was no right wing guy, but even he understood what political correctness would do to America way back in 1961 and it fits it with our discussion of new ammendments to the constitution. Here is the glorious first paragraph. I read this in 6th grade and I still remember it.

THE YEAR WAS 2081, and everybody was finally equal. They weren't only equal before God and the law. They were equal every which way. Nobody was smarter than anybody else. Nobody was better looking than anybody else. Nobody was stronger or quicker than anybody else. All this equality was due to the 211th, 212th, and 213th Amendments to the Constitution, and to the unceasing vigilance of agents of the United States Handicapper General.

Here is the link to the entire short story. https://tinyurl.com/3fyx
Read it. You will love it.

Premier Betty wrote:Four beers at a time?!?

BRILLIANT!!

after speaking to my accountant today about Obama's tax plan, 4 beers might not do it. Might have to go to to 8. Or straight Vodka.

EWWWWWWWWWW....

Comrades,

If we are quiet, mayhaps we can hear it live and breathe.

Comrade_Tovarich wrote:Comrades,

If we are quiet, mayhaps we can hear it live and breathe.

The constitution or that enormous turd in the video?

Comrade Ted State

For you sir, I will find some apples. BTW is beet pie the People's choice? "Socialist as Beet Pie?"

your cookin' comrade,

Che' Gourmet


HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!

Ah, the famed spammer and schnitzel.

Re Ted State:
"In response to our leader, Red Square here is the NEW Obama Bill of Rights! The less confining one! Since the Constitution is a living, breathing document, feel free to add on your own amendments comrades!"

I can only think of one, Comrade:

We, the bitter, gun-clinging redistributees, in order to form a more submissive union, honor our Obamessiah(tm) and all he decrees, provide for our neighbors' welfare, and secure a more gloriously progressive union (with no secret ballot!!!), under the culturally-sensitive protection of our masters at the UN, do hereby proclaim on this day - when the Earth started healing, and the oceans stopped rising - that:

THE SMART-ALECS AT THE PEOPLE'S CUBE MUST BE STOPPED!!!

This is the first order of our business, and the object of our union - and it is to this end that we pledge to each other our lives, our (non-redistributed fortunes) and the residual fumes of our selfish honor.

So it is ordered, so may it be done, under The Fairness Doctrine, Redeux

- Signed,
The Obamessiah(tm)

Ratified this first day of HLTM [His Lord The Messiah(tm)] by his Kool-Ade guzzling, glazey-eyed Obamabots.

Ratified this first day of HLTM [His Lord The Messiah™] by his Kool-Ade guzzling, glazey-eyed Obamabots


not all us Obamatons can afford to drink kool aid. their evil empirealist policy of forcing us to buy it first has made us unable to buy needed kool aid and is capitalist plot to keep the proletariot from basking in the glory of the great Obamessiah.

Che Gourmet wrote:Comrade Ted State

For you sir, I will find some apples.

Great! If it is apples, then may I suggest applesause? Applesause makes it easier to "spread the apple wealth around".

Do they make Wealthspread in an apple butter flavor? I can't find any in favorite Peoples market isle

"Rights" are for the bourgeoisie. So are "Bills." And "of" is borderline. It is a possessive, and possessing is definitely counterrevolutionary. But it's okay to say "glory of our Dear Leader," I believe.

Anyway, I suggest a rewrite (if I may be so bold, chairmen):

ARTICLE 1:
We Are Always Right, and Everything We Do Is For Your Own Good.
ARTICLE 2:
GOTO ARTICLE 1

Citizen,

I believe the messiah intends to rewrite portions of the Declaration of Independance as well......

old clause:

"That whenever any Form of Government becomes destructive of these ends, it is the Right of the People to alter or to abolish it, and to institute new Government, laying its foundation on such principles and organizing its powers in such form, as to them shall seem most likely to effect their Safety and Happiness. Prudence, indeed, will dictate that Governments long established should not be changed for light and transient causes; and accordingly all experience hath shewn that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed. But when a long train of abuses and usurpations, pursuing invariably the same Object evinces a design to reduce them under absolute Despotism, it is their right, it is their duty, to throw off such Government, and to provide new Guards for their future security."

new clause:
"Bend over and squeal like a pig!"


The messiah would then be able to claim that he was the responsible for the "Deliverance" of the American people!
Publius