12/14/2008, 5:12 pm
The collective finally has a replacement for the superstition known as "god"... it's Obama! Today, the prophet Rahm went up the mountain (actually, the attic of Obama's mansion in Chicago) and came back down with two stone tables (actually, a printout from Obama's web site until the page mysteriously vanishes) with these ten commandments which all who hope to be saved from economic or ecological armageddon must adhere:
I. I am the Lord thy Obama, thou shall not idolize other politicians before me.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of hope and change in vain.
III. Remember to keep holy my inauguration day and not mention the word "Blagojevich."
IV. Thou shalt honor my father and mother and not ask about my birth certificate.
V. Thou shalt not kill terrorists as we are the ones they have been waiting for.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adulteration of the environment by burning coal, oil, natural gas, etc.
VII. Thou shalt not steal except with the backing of Congress under the auspices of offically sanctioned bailout plans or public works projects.
VIII. Thou shalt not bear false witness against Obama, by which I mean bring up anything my office does not wish to be brought up.
IX. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife but feel free to step all over Sarah Palin.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods (Chicago residents, check with your precinct captain.)
Obama commands us to build a vessel, the Ark of the Coverstory, which will be used to transport the holy printout to all important ceremonies and photo-ops. The ark will be 3 cubits long by 2 cubits wide by 1 cubit high and lined with gold. It will be adorned with the official Obama seal and the official slogan "Zero Posthumous" and contain a sheet of the Obama Commemorative Postage Stamps, each of which lists his resume in full. The Ark will be the base of a sedan chair to be sat upon by Oprah Winfrey (because she gave birth to his presidency) and carried about by 4 MSM journalists (because they have been carrying him all this time anyway.) The Ark will be accompanied by an entourage of fawning journalists, drooling pundits and babbling celebrities who will carry on their backs the backdrops and scenery from Obama's Denver and Berlin speeches in case the Lightworker wants to make more history somewhere or deliver some new commandments.
II. Thou shalt not take the name of hope and change in vain.
III. Remember to keep holy my inauguration day and not mention the word "Blagojevich."
IV. Thou shalt honor my father and mother and not ask about my birth certificate.
V. Thou shalt not kill terrorists as we are the ones they have been waiting for.
VI. Thou shalt not commit adulteration of the environment by burning coal, oil, natural gas, etc.
VII. Thou shalt not steal except with the backing of Congress under the auspices of offically sanctioned bailout plans or public works projects.
VIII. Thou shalt not bear false witness against Obama, by which I mean bring up anything my office does not wish to be brought up.
IX. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife but feel free to step all over Sarah Palin.
X. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's goods (Chicago residents, check with your precinct captain.)
Obama commands us to build a vessel, the Ark of the Coverstory, which will be used to transport the holy printout to all important ceremonies and photo-ops. The ark will be 3 cubits long by 2 cubits wide by 1 cubit high and lined with gold. It will be adorned with the official Obama seal and the official slogan "Zero Posthumous" and contain a sheet of the Obama Commemorative Postage Stamps, each of which lists his resume in full. The Ark will be the base of a sedan chair to be sat upon by Oprah Winfrey (because she gave birth to his presidency) and carried about by 4 MSM journalists (because they have been carrying him all this time anyway.) The Ark will be accompanied by an entourage of fawning journalists, drooling pundits and babbling celebrities who will carry on their backs the backdrops and scenery from Obama's Denver and Berlin speeches in case the Lightworker wants to make more history somewhere or deliver some new commandments.