The People's Cube - Political Satire

As we know, the world is undergoing many crises now—the Bush Crime Family, the utter and complete failure in Iraq, the financial crisis brought on by the Bush Crime Family, and the fact that I find that the Bentley I liberated from my neighbor had been in a wreck and has Bondo under the paint. Is there no honesty any more?
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But the biggest crisis of all is Green Crisis because that's where the money, the drama and the money are. There is Global Warming™ or Climate Change™ and we're using up all of earth's resources which should of course be saved for the time that the earth burns up when the sun turns into a red giant. The sun will need the resources more than we do.

Laurie David and Sheryl Crow have taken the lead by showering together. I told Bruno this and he laughed so hard that he shook a pineapple off his head. I assume that they do this on the Gulfstream that Larry David was pleased to give Laurie to get rid of the self-righteous bitch enable her to continue in her environmentalist crusade to Save the Earth™.

Sheryl Crow also suggests that we, like her, wipe with one sheet of toilet paper. It's either a wonder or a necessity that Laurie will shower with her. I think that it was the wonder bit that got Bruno laughing. He's dim as a deliquescing eggplant but he gets every innuendo, even those not born yet.

The Hilton Palacio del Wildebeest on the River Walk in San Antonio has a toilet with two buttons—one for pee, one for poo, all in an effort to save water.

I have another plan to Save the Earth™. Go to the nearest hardware store—a coop of course—or have a prole do it, and get a galvanized bucket. Take it and a towel and put them by your easy chair where you play couch potato work on plans to bring about the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

When you need to pee, pee in it. Get a bucket large enough to accommodate female party members. Use the towel to keep the smell in. I'd advise weighting the bottom of the bucket with a little lead in case your rescue dog gets frisky or you particularly excited over a new idea for advancing the Progressive World of Next Tuesday™.

When the bucket is three-fourths full, or one half in the case of halt party members for we do <i>not</i> discriminate against the infirm, take it to the sink and empty it. You may run water from the tap with a flow of 2.2 gallons per minute for three seconds per liter of pee.

All faucets will be tagged with an RFID tag stating their gallon flow rate.

The Central Planning Commission is currently working on a credit-card-sized device which will sample the ammonia in the pee and, and will use RFID of the faucet to determine how long you may run the water to flush the sink. Running the water 10% more than the recommended time will result in a fine of new fewer than two but not more than five readings of Al Gore's <i>An Inconveniently Obvious Lie</i>.

You may wash the towel once a month using only biodegradable detergent. You may rinse the bucket once a week.

This is one more step to saving the world.

Commissar, the pages of Algore's book make excellent toilet paper (after one has read and memorized it, of course.) And for Sheryl Crow, one copy would be a year's supply!

For her singing or her egestion or can you tell them apart?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:For her singing or her egestion or can you tell them apart?

Most folks would take a swing at that softball and say "Either way, it's still crap." But I'm not going to stoop that low. Ah, what the hell....

Either way, it's still crap!!!!

I just couldn't resist.

Ah, dear Opiate, just pause and reflect for a while. Her caterwauling may be fairly, well, very nasty, but still compared to endless renditions of "Memories" by Babs... I think I'd prefer to listen to a cat being hung upside-down by its tail outside a window trying to get back in using its claws.

All this talk of Pee and Poo, But you are missing several other ways the collective can make a proles life miserable, Save mother earth for future comrades, and raise money for the wonderful government.

The Environmental Protection Agency has come up with a "unique" way to fight global warming. They want to tax Animal FartsI mean Flatulence. It appears that Cows are a leading supplier of "methane”. Our glorious dictatorsgovernment want to do something about it. Taxing livestock, if they really wanted to slow down global warming, they could tax hot air that Nansky and pals expel.

But come to think of it my Goons Highly trained Troopers produce copious amounts of Methane. Oh Kind and Generous leader Please never play "Memories" or for that matter any of Babs work around my GoonsHighly trained Troopers they have been known to sing along followed by a shopping spree, and they come back resembling Hollywood Homos, complete with Lisps. It then takes a fire hose a gallon of car wash concentrate a floor broom, and a baseball bat to get them to calm down.

I'm against any and all efforts of disposing of what some deem as 'waste'. First and foremost, every good Party member -- who is Party-minded, of course -- knows that there is no such thing as 'waste'. Second, every good Party member always does whatever he/she can to ensure that the suffering masses suffer less, much less.

Comrades, I propose we use the science of socialism to produce a nutritious paste made entirely out of human excrement and name it People's Tasty Cream. People's Tasty Cream will alleviate the rampant famine in Detroit, ease the wildfires in California, reduce emissions by 210%, and will even cure childhood obesity, heart disease and gastro-related cancers once and for all!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Ah, dear Opiate, just pause and reflect for a while. Her caterwauling may be fairly, well, very nasty, but still compared to endless renditions of "Memories" by Babs... I think I'd prefer to listen to a cat being hung upside-down by its tail outside a window trying to get back in using its claws.

Yes, that recording is the main reason I was terrified to ride in elevators for many years. Babs hits some high notes in that one; would that they only hit back. Most of her recordings would provide excellent material for torture-testing military grade tweeters.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:I'm against any and all efforts of disposing of what some deem as 'waste'. First and foremost, every good Party member -- who is Party-minded, of course -- knows that there is no such thing as 'waste'. Second, every good Party member always does whatever he/she can to ensure that the suffering masses suffer less, much less.

Comrades, I propose we use the science of socialism to produce a nutritious paste made entirely out of human excrement and name it People's Tasty Cream. People's Tasty Cream will alleviate the rampant famine in Detroit, ease the wildfires in California, reduce emissions by 210%, and will even cure childhood obesity, heart disease and gastro-related cancers once and for all!

Brilliant! If the scientists can devise a process so members of the collective can make People's Tasty Cream ^TM themselves at home, then Sheryl will not have to use ANY t.p. Every home will be its own food chain! I can hardly wait to see the pictures of our Progressive leaders wearing their People's Tasty Cream ^TM-eating grin!

We can also make a hard dried version for the proles and vegans to use on their salads and baked potatoes. With a little green dye, it could be used as a substitute for Al Gore's Soylent Green biscuits and crackers. Why waste perfectly good protein??

Such a waste Theo.

We should be saving our piss for munitions in the next upcoming revolution.
No piss, no saltpeter....no ka-boom!
No shit too!

Comrade Opiate of the People wrote:If the scientists can devise a process so members of the collective can make People's Tasty Cream TM themselves at home, then Sheryl will not have to use ANY t.p. Every home will be its own food chain!

You insult me, the Party and yourself, Comrade, by making such a foolish statement!

1. The People are forbidden to do anything for themselves!

2. In the Progressive World of Next Tuesday -- which will come next Tuesday, as promised -- there will be no homes. People will huddle together in collectivist bliss in living cubicles which will resemble the dark, cold and damp caves our early ancestors lived in during mankind's most harmonious and purely Communistic age.

Comrade Opiate of the People wrote:I can hardly wait to see the pictures of our Progressive leaders wearing their People's Tasty Cream TM-eating grin!

The Central Committee, the Politburo and other organs of state power -- and their respective cheifs, leaders and directors -- are not worthy of People's Tasty Cream and will have to resign themselves to eating the same old boring and bland dishes our culinary experts and world-class chefs (and chefettes!) prepare for us on a daily -- if not hourly -- basis. Yes, it is tough denying ourselves our own excrement, but sacrifices must be made. It is for the Children. It is so that they may prosper!

Quite right exalted Chairman. The People will enjoy the great privilege of saving the planet and living out their live in pure socialist bliss. We, the humble servants of the Party, must bear all the burdens. We must make the greatest sacrifice possible - denouncing our own ideals - for the People and for the Children. Nobody could ask more of us. We will look at them with envy when they feed on their own (rationed) excrement, huddle together on top of dung burning stoves in their environmentally friendly shacks made of recycled paper and wait for 10 years for a car made of wool and cardboard. Ohhh will we suffer! But it's worth it! For Socialism and The Children!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: You insult me, the Party and yourself, Comrade, by making such a foolish statement!

Argh, that is 3 Thoughtcrimes in one post. The party must deal with me severely; it has but one choice, to deprive me of my ration of People's Tasty Cream until I have been re-educated.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote: The Central Committee, the Politburo and other organs of state power -- and their respective cheifs, leaders and directors -- are not worthy of People's Tasty Cream and will have to resign themselves to eating the same old boring and bland dishes our culinary experts and world-class chefs (and chefettes!) prepare for us on a daily -- if not hourly -- basis. Yes, it is tough denying ourselves our own excrement, but sacrifices must be made. It is for the Children. It is so that they may prosper!

I'll compose a letter and see that they're informed. I'll make the point bluntly so they understand the consequences.

Dear Central Committee, Politburo members et al:

Eat People's Tasty Cream and Die!

Sincerely,
The Children

Brilliant Comrade! Since the Party is determined to make the Proletariat go back to a pre-industrial way of life, you have successfully reintroduced the "thunder mug" to the masses.


Goes back to contemplating Sheryl Crow in the shower.

Opiate of the People wrote:Commissar, the pages of Algore's book make excellent toilet paper (after one has read and memorized it, of course.) And for Sheryl Crow, one copy would be a year's supply!

Algore's books is great, but it sure can hurt if you smear wipe too hard.

Commisar Theo, this brings us one step closer to pre-historic times. Soon, when the Obamasiah takes power in the Glorious World of Next Tuesday (which by the way, the 20th fall on), We must continue this destruction of capitalism and its society. I tell you, those caves full of my crap and the ability to talk to animals is something I look forward to.

Comrades, am I the only one who feels troubled by the number of responses to a post about poop and pee?

What would comrade Freud say about this?

As for me, I will continue to save all my bodily secretions in labeled jars which I store on a shelf in the basement.

Meow, I love the idea of People's Tasty Cream™. But do you think that to market it we ought to call it People's Tasty Crème™? Give every prole a blow torch and it's crème brûlée every day, all day.

But if the people are eating not even all of their own PTC, then does that mean that the proles are exothermic? Are we in <i>The Matrix</i>?

We could have PTC jerky. Spray PTC to be put onto wafers of dried PTC. We could have tubs of Miracle PTC to go onto frozen PTC gelato. This gives a new definition to the term "mud pie."

All this is of course for the proles. The party members, those who winter in Bali and ski at Davos and rub shoulders with professors of socialism in Brussels and Stockholm, will just have to be satisfied with truffled pheasant.

And Red Star, a week ago I was staying at the London West Hollywood, a half block off Sunset Blvd. I saw all sorts of disreputable people, drag worms, bums, but not a single Hollywood Homo, except for one snippy waiter, who was ugly, as generally all snippy gay waiters are. Go figure.

Then you can see fearless leader, the fire hose a car wash concentrate, floor broom, and a baseball bat. Works

You know, Red Star, I do love the fire hose and the car-wash concentrate. I'm <i>really, really</i> good with them, you know. How do you think that I get out the evidence of visits of Our Many Titted Empress?

First, a solution of sulphuric acid. Then boiling Varsol. Then Heparin. Then azithromycin. Then vinegar. Then the car-wash solution.

Now you take off your gas mask, and continue on with the fire hose.

As you can imagine, it's hard on the concrete. As a matter of fact I'm having the inside of her room redone with the sort of brick used inside pottery kilns. Even that lasts only a few years.

Of course we will need to mandate that everyone must meet a mandatory minimal intake of PTC, other than of course us long suffering Inner Circle types who once again must deny ourselves the good things that we offer to the People since we care more than they. However, how high a consumer tax should we place on this mandatory PTC? Too low a tax and the sheeple may conclude that PTC is crap and not desirable. Too high a tax could deny consumption to the ones that need PTC the most.

I'd say about 12%, with ads: "Buy PTC from TPC!"

I think that we could stretch PTC by cutting it with termites, and any fried rats on a stick that are past their prime.

Or, Pupovich, what do you think about a new treat: fried rat on a stick <i>dipped</i> in People's Tasty Creme?

And best of all, it's a renewable resource!

Renewable Fried Rat on a Stick! Get yours today dipped in People's Tasty Creme!

Comrade_Elliott wrote: Algore's books is great, but it sure can hurt if you smear wipe too hard.

It appears the books must include a warning that the book covers should not be used for this purpose. However, it will not be done until after Comrade Tort Lawyers have milked this baby dry. For the injured children, you know.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:
Comrades, am I the only one who feels troubled by the number of responses to a post about poop and pee?

What would comrade Freud say about this?

As for me, I will continue to save all my bodily secretions in labeled jars which I store on a shelf in the basement.

Begging to differ, Honorable Comrade Whoopie, but these posts are all about saving the earth and recycling. Yes, there is a lot of discussion about excrement but as all Progressive environmentalists know, the earth is basically one big toilet as everyone who has ever gone swimming in an ocean or lake tries not to think about too much. As far as Comrade Freud, I know exactly what he would say: "That will be one hundred rubles for the hour, please."

Finally, I commend your committment to the Progressive ideal of secretion preservation but I hope for you and your neighbors' sakes that you don't live in an earthquake zone.

Fearless and Kind Leader; as you requested I took the PTC, and slipped it in my Goons well trained Troopers Gruel. At first they just poked at it, and then I told them it would get them drunk they inhaled it. I can't truly say they enjoyed it as a matter of fact I doubt they even tasted it. An unfortunate side effect it gave them very bad gas.

Room temperature I, Q, Psychotics, methane gas and power tools is not a good combination. I will apologize for the damage to the Many Titted Empress's room I thought having the Goons Troopers, clean it for you would be a nice thing.

Harry Reid showed up and attempted to strong arm the Goon Trooper's I don't think they took it very well because the last time I saw them they were playing Street hockey with him. He was the Ball.

Further I will apologize, in advance because I noticed Bruno was hanging out with my crew. They have very poor manners and I am afraid it was rubbing off on Bruno.I notice him sticking his Middle finger up at passers by, and Screaming "We don't need no stinking badges"

Opiate of the People wrote:

Comrade_Elliott wrote: Algore's books is great, but it sure can hurt if you smear wipe too hard.

It appears the books must include a warning that the book covers should not be used for this purpose. However, it will not be done until after Comrade Tort Lawyers have milked this baby dry. For the injured children, you know.

The lawyers would do it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. May I suggest we use those book covers as either kindling for fire, or scrubbing for the kitchen floors.

Comrade_Elliott wrote: The lawyers would do it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. May I suggest we use those book covers as either kindling for fire, or scrubbing for the kitchen floors.

Ah, but may I suggest employing them as a light savory cracker on which to pile on heaping helpings of People's Tasty Cream. This surely would remind some of People's Tasty Cream on a Shingle, a dish that many ex-service people may remember fondly.

Opiate of the People wrote:

Comrade_Elliott wrote: The lawyers would do it, and I wouldn't have it any other way. May I suggest we use those book covers as either kindling for fire, or scrubbing for the kitchen floors.

Ah, but may I suggest employing them as a light savory cracker on which to pile on heaping helpings of People's Tasty Cream. This surely would remind some of People's Tasty Cream on a Shingle, a dish that many ex-service people may remember fondly.

Hahaha. . . I suppose we as a Collective can find many more good uses for it, it's just a matter of creativity. (The thoughtpolice break in) Oh crap. . .

Red Star wrote:Fearless and Kind Leader; as you requested I took the PTC, and slipped it in my Goons well trained Troopers Gruel. At first they just poked at it, and then I told them it would get them drunk they inhaled it. I can't truly say they enjoyed it as a matter of fact I doubt they even tasted it. An unfortunate side effect it gave them very bad gas.

Let me guess, you forgot to keep the PTC refrigerated, especially with you being down in Texas.

Oh, and just a bit of "slam" as I believe it is called....

SEC Rules!

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Meow, I love the idea of People's Tasty Cream™. But do you think that to market it we ought to call it People's Tasty Crème™? Give every prole a blow torch and it's crème brûlée every day, all day.

Ugh! You are so avant-garde, Theocritus! Your years at Rice have served you well… A little too well… Ugh, I'm jealous! I would sell my Hummels -- all of them! -- just to soak up the warm sunny weather of Houston while indulging in the selected works of Gorky. And the manicured lawns -- oh the manicured lawns! They are so green and so supple under that Texan sky!

Damn you, Theocritus! Damn you and your good taste, your Rice University and your good weather!

Comrades,

I feel I must weigh in on this matter of the People's Tasty Creme. The Chairman pointed out that Tasty Creme will not contain calhttps://blog.syracuse.com/cammuso/2009/01/090109_cammuso.jpgories? Then I am certain that the NY collective will find it very useful.

Our progressive Gov (Blind Melon) Paterson has opined about the rampant obesity of the NY Gulag's children. He wishes to tax place a surcharge on all soda that is not diet (diet being sooo much better for the children's health) to combat the epidemic. Commissar Theocritis has suggested a 12% sales or consumption tax on Tasty Creme (BTW Commissar, most of the proletariat in NYS wouldn't even know what creme brulee is LOL). I'm sure the Gov would make a lot of money for NYs' Treasury (and of course, the Party), with the added bonus of helping our fat children!

I know that this product would do much to alleviate our dire problem here in NY. As you can see by the cartoon below, we have a lot of support for this already!

<br>


Come on children....no more PhysEd.....just eat the People's Tasty Creme.....yes it does come in flavors.....excuse me comrades.....I need to make a PTC deposit now....where's my secret TP stash?

Red Star wrote:I notice him sticking his Middle finger up at passers by, and Screaming "We don't need no stinking badges"

So I noticed. And it's such an improvement over that keening sound that he makes sitting cross-legged in the middle of the room sucking his thumb with his eyes crossed. Then he rolls into a ball, in a fetal position and rocks back and forth on the floor. I think that this is learned behavior from the time that our Many Titted Empress came over, and getting drunk yet <i>again</i> on Republican Virgin Blood Bloody Marys rode him like a rented mule.

Meow, of course I'm </i>avant-garde</i>. Give it a fancy name and you can charge more for it. In fact crème brûlée is just fancified; the dish is English starting in I think Oxford, and they put a Froggie name on it to charge more. That's the French disease. One of them.

Che, what do you think about marketing People's Tasty Crème in dried little pellets as a breakfast cereal? To be served with subsidized milk from the northeast of course.

And Meow, before you wish to live in Houston, you need to experience 99 degree weather at 99% humidity. Or 75 degree weather at 99% humidity. So that at midnight you have to turn on your windshield wipers and it's not raining. And in the morning we would rise and sniff the air and say, "Hmmm. That's eau de Ship Channel." Or, "A still day today. That's just Main Street smog." See smog caught in the trees, lurking near the ground. That was of course in the mid seventies.

Now there are more cars. (Still, it's cleaner than LA.)

Commissar Theocritus wrote:See smog caught in the trees, lurking near the ground. That was of course in the mid seventies.

In the nineties you could look directly into the sun until 11:00 A.M. Solid proof that the sun does not affect the climate!

Comrades, I suggest that we have People's Cars which run on Pure Green Thought and thereby do not affect the environment whatsoever.

Comrades,

Comrade Whoopie has, I assume a pickling license. Otherwise, some of those jars could turn explosive if in appropriately handled and bottled. Through an extensive network of hoses from those containers, enough biogas could be collected to light a hovel! Assuming one has many children or neighbors who join in the eco-friendly policy, a Capstone Microturbine could power the entire collective. The question then becomes how to acquire a Capstone Microturbine, but I think that's what bailouts and bolt-cutters are for.

Comrade Punchenko's People's Tasty Creme™ is excellent, especially if it means the subsidized return of Good Humor-style trucks to dispense the product for free to children ("What's brown and sounds like a bell? "Dung!"), thus inuring them to the life-saving importance of government provision, collection, and redistribution.

Think of the mass employment resulting from establishing collection points in every municipality and updating sewage facilities. I tend to eat muesli and thus yield product perhaps not as creamy as others', although alcohol has an amazing softening effect that has really really tested the one toilet paper square rule.

Whoopie, have you thought of donating your collection to the Goracle? After all, he has a new yacht which runs on biodiesel which cannot be had on the lake it sits in. I think it would be a kind gesture to give your collection of jarred dung to the Gorobot, who after all invented the Internet.

Tovarich, you raise an interesting point. Do you think that we should have Department of Agriculture classifications for People's Tasty Crème? After all, you don't want to buy a fried rat on a stick from Pupovich's monopoly and get the wrong sort of PTC.

But I'm beginning to worry about Pupovich. It always gets back to him, doesn't it? Such a pig for attention. The last fried rat on a stick that I had, or rather that I gave to a prole, definitely smelled like <i>it was fried in fresh oil</i>. And that won't do.

A proper fried rat on a stick has to be fried on old Long John Silvers' Oil, and if the prole is very good, and has dug all his potatoes for the day, and Pinkie hasn't hit him upside the head with her tin-plated gold shovel, he gets a 2-ounce serving of PTC to dip it in.

Before going to bed, under a blanket with not more than 1,000 lice, after consuming a whole two ounces of Pinkie's Pink Label Putinka Vodka.

Comrades,

Yes, clearly an expansion of the Department of Agriculture is required and marketing and finance wizards from the gutters of Wall Street will be needed en masse. Ag departments and county offices will need more funding for research and more farms will need to be subsidized to create ever more People's Tasty Creme™, thus creating a self-sustaining and food-independent society. The FDA will need to be enlarged as well with taste-testers to make sure the product of the highest quality and not crap.

I think that Meow ought to be in charge of the cabinet-level department of the testing of the People's Tasty Crème. After all, it is his invention.

He can form an alliance with Pupovich, who is in control of fried rat on a stick.

Chairman M. S. Punchenko wrote:Ugh, I'm jealous! I would sell my Hummels -- all of them! -- just to soak up the warm sunny weather of Houston while indulging in the selected works of Gorky. And the manicured lawns -- oh the manicured lawns! They are so green and so supple under that Texan sky!

Chairman, may I remind you that we have plenty of warm sunny weather here in my collective? Not to mention a well earned reputation for the best eating in the USSA. If you should ever have the opportunity to inspect my collective, I am not far from Nawlins so I will see to it that we keep your valuables safe in the Honorable Dollar Bill Jefferson's Freezer while we tour the Murder Capital of the USSA.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:I think that Meow ought to be in charge of the cabinet-level department of the testing of the People's Tasty Crème. After all, it is his invention.

He can form an alliance with Pupovich, who is in control of fried rat on a stick.

Commissar, where did you get this idea? I do not even own a Rat Ona Stick™ franchise. Franchise ownership is strictly controlled by the Chairman. Now I have played around with a few personal recipes at home, and I agree 100% that fresh oil is strictly to be avoided. Of course my own restaurants do serve what we call Rodent Sickles, but we impale the rats from the other end so as to avoid conflict with the Chairman's patent.

Not to mention a well earned reputation for the best eating in the USSA.

Ah, the mere thought of a mufaleta sammich from Central Grocery...

http://tinyurl.com/2zqp28

Chairman, it was not that long ago that you were baring your fangs at me defending your rat-in-a-stick rights. And I respect your rat rights. I really do. I'm <i>glad</i> you like your rat rights.

I just need to visit with you and Meow about packaging People's Tasty Crème in little squeeze packages like mustard, to go on the fried rodents.

And have you ever thought of spreading out? You're in Louisiana, and don't you have nutrias? Those could be fried on a (big) stick and sold alongside the turducken.

Comrade Marshal Pupovich,

That warm sunny weather you mention means even more government jobs that ties in wonderfully with saving the morally superior developing world: Purchase African fly whisks at Fair Trade prices then distribute to government fly-whiskers (GS-1s) who will walk beside the People's Tastee Kreem™ trucks, which will trundle through residential areas at low speeds playing music (alternating between patriotic and childhood) to draw Republican-starved citizens like flies to crap crime to HUD housing.

Will it be necessary to heat People's Tastee Kreem™ to 97.6°F, or whatever average human body temperature is? That could create more work for people's industrial engineers for redistribution trucks in cooler climes (well, until Global Climate Change warms them up).

Tovarich, I think that we ought to distribute People's Tasty Crème in MREs. They are as you know self-heating.

Do you think we ought to go into partnership with Hershey's to make PTC kisses?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Tovarich, I think that we ought to distribute People's Tasty Crème in MREs. They are as you know self-heating.

Do you think we ought to go into partnership with Hershey's to make PTC kisses?

Althought we should encourage centralized processing of PTC in a five-year plan to create jobs for our subjects comrades, I think it's inevitable that we consider the ecological angle of the issue. Wouldn't it be better for the planet if we encouraged the People to be self sufficient when it comes to PTC? Shouldn't we tell them to consume it directly from the source to save on packaging? We know packaging is bad for the environment. I suspect the ALGORE would approve.

Vodkov, I very much appreciate the efficiency of your thought and it is exemplary. But at times people just won't do that. Think of Nansky Peloski. The woman babbles. My lord the woman babbles. You could get shit-faced drunk and record what you're saying and that would cut out the middleman, that babbling woman, but no one does that, and we elect her.

Also think of the possibilities for graft and corruption employing union members in all of the packaging. Plus the inspections as to sanitation, and never forget that we have to keep the FDA employed for they cannot spend all their time investigating dick pills.

Now if we are talking Fresh PTC, their natural temperature would be about 43 ± 0.5°C - in other words, the natural body temperature of the pigeon. Of course, this is assuming you are using genuine People's Pigeons to produce PTC.

Er, Pupovich, while you were engaged in training your avian cadres in Advanced Talent Shitting, Meow suggested that People's Tasty Crème be made of human excreta.

I plan to dry it and make it into party crackers; put it in spray cans; and sell it in blocks like tofu. And indeed it will outsell tofu because unlike tofu it will actually taste like something. I'm thinking. Not that I'll try it. But it ought to be an easy sell.

"Prole! Here's the People's Tasty Crème! Eat it. It's human shit!"

"Sir. Do I have to?"

"It's not tofu!"

"Please, sir! Can I have some more?"

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Now if we are talking Fresh PTC, their natural temperature would be about 43 ± 0.5°C - in other words, the natural body temperature of the pigeon. Of course, this is assuming you are using genuine People's Pigeons to produce PTC.

One could charge more if the pigeons in question are Budapest tumblers. Wonderful birds and their manner of flying is delightful.

Commissar Theocritus wrote:Tovarich, I think that we ought to distribute People's Tasty Crème in MREs. They are as you know self-heating.

Do you think we ought to go into partnership with Hershey's to make PTC kisses?

Two excellent ideas. I especially like the Hershey's partnership.

I think for Party elite like Ted Kennedy, a baked Alaska version (named changed to avoid the disturbing connexion to Sarah Palin) would be a great hit.

For Teddy K what about a PTC Alexander? Johnny Walker Brown Label?

If you say so, but everyone knows that human excreta is tougher than pigeons and lacks the fiber. Personally, it just sounds like Meow is trying to do it on the cheap as usual.

If only Meow cared the way others care. Take these 2 notable progressives, I ask you, who cares more than they?

Ah, Pupovich, thank you for the emotion. I needed that. I haven't been able to feel properly since I stole Meow's Hummels Meow stole my Hummels. Such a pang of loss. Or the time that Bruno was singing "Tico Tico" and fell off his platform shoes and landed, lets akimbo, on the floor and one of his false eyelashes wound up in his eye and the fruit on his head rolled under the furniture. Now I felt emotion at that.

But having these two great emoters--Our Many Titted Empress and the Prince of Scientology, who jumps on couches to make people think that he's 100% straight--now those people make me <i>feel</i>.

....Jeez. I'm going to have to change my clothes now...

One man's shit is another man's Tastee Creme. Only make them pay for it, and pay dearly. It will only complete the collective's goals if people must wait in long lines to obtain a small tube of TC.

This Rat on a Stick thing started out in China, of course, where most great culinary traditions have their origins. My preference is Kung Pao Mouse on a stick, but to each his/her/its own. After the arrival of the glorious Next Tuesday, which corresponds with Next Tuesday, the people will be smearing themselves with Tastee Creme and dancing for joy while popping Fried Rat on Stick, washed down with rum and cola. If only Mao had lived to see this glorious age!

Yes, General, rum and cola. Cuban rum in honor of Fidelito. And Che, of course. Add lime and bitters and you have a Cuba Libre! The perfect drink for the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.

And I'm all set. I was humbled when I heard an advertisement begging people to watch their inauguration coverage: "Where will you have been during the inauguration of Barack Obama?"

And of course I'll be right here, using the elevation of His O'liness to the primacy of the See of Washington and it will lave the thoughts of where I was during the assassination of JFK and 9/11 right out of my mind, as we all dance a gavotte into the Progressive World of Next Tuesday.