The People's Cube - Political Satire

Commissars, Marshals, Comrades, and other Party Members; I am pleased to announce the latest in a series of innovative products which will help bring the Glorious World of Several Tuesdays Ago ™ to Fruition.

Hillary's Toxic Mortgage Tampon!

The TMT will stop the bleeding out of credit, and prevent spotting and staining on the economy. Properly used in conjunction with Obama's Snake Oil, the TMT also lessens the regular pains of Fannie Mae AND protects the environment.

The TMT is well suited for today's modern lifestyle. It comes with an easy applicator, and is packaged 787 billion to the box. Use it anytime a foreclosure is eminent. Best used when a mortgage was given to a person with no job, no credit, no down payment, and no ability to pay back a high interest loan with balloon payments. Also suitable for lobbyists, bank executives, loan officers, and politicians. In the spirit of social equality, the TMT may be used by males, females, or those with indeterminate gender. Simply stick it in the appropriate bleeding orifice.

(Hillary's Toxic Mortgage Tampon is not warranted to serve any useful purpose. Side effects may include death, depression, recession, bankruptcy, government nationalization of financial institutions, plunging stock market, excessive deficit, genetic mutation, facial hair, male pattern baldness, impotence, genital warts, and brain damage. Made in China. May contain lead and/or melamine.)

Quite clever, Comrade Obamissar!

I heard a fantastic rumor that a portion of each purchase goes toward supporting Socialism in the USSA...

"STOP THE BLEEDING!!!!"
"Oh, here Nancy, try this TMT..."

I'm hoping a more equal comrade with photoshop skills can help make this product a reality. (Psst, there are beets and a crate of People's Rifles(TM) in it for whoever does)

I finally have some time off to start foolin' around with GIMP, but I doubt my initial results will be worthy of hanging on the fridge next to the crayon scribbles and glitter glue. We'll see what happens- I'll just have to produce according to my ability, which is very small, and consume according to my need, which is exceedingly large!

My first reaction is one of queasiness, I might be progressive but I still won't buy feminine products for my GF no matter how much she pleads and begs. I know its somewhat childish, so shoot me.

I will mull it over perhaps I'll change my mind, also I'm not sure how tasteful others may find this. Of course this is coming from the guy who did Hamas Baby Armor, I'm not sure if I have room to talk.

You didn't mention that Hillary's Toxic Mortgage Tampon is also nicely designed to look like little Hillary, giving the user a comforting feeling of having her up his or her bleeding orifice.

Why not pads?

The Chairman's pads are extra absorbant and able to handle those heavy stimulant flow days.

Is that Chelsea?

EWWWWWWWWWWW!

I'm hoping that they are extra large and sold in mega-packs.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:Why not pads?

The Chairman's pads are extra absorbant and able to handle those heavy stimulant flow days.

Because pads are not unisex like tampons. With Hillary's Toxic Mortgage Tampons(TM) ANY comrade regardless of gender can find a bleeding orifice to insert them.

Why not both? Tampons to insert into an orifice; pads to tape on skin cuts.

But let's remember what dear Nikita Khrushchev said: "When you skin someone, leave them enough to grow the skin back."

Perhaps there is a place for both The Chairman's Pads(TM) and Hillary's Toxic Mortgage Tampons(TM).

When do they hit the shelves at the PPPX?

As soon as the Committee for Tampon Production and Distribution determines the appropriate amount to manufacture, when to start and finish production of the needed supply, where to manufacture them at, how to integrate them into the current distribution channels, and where to allocate the needed raw materials from. In addition, we will need workers to make these, so they must be found and trained, or retrained as needed.

In short, nobody knows. We are still determining who will be the head of the Committee.

But meanwhile you can still get Comrade Ludmilla's Nostalgic Red October Tampons at the PPX, provided you have the appropriate ration card, and labor credits.

We must, comrades, resign ourselves to the distinct possibility that everyone will bleed out, hemorrhaging red ink until the entire financial system collapses, making the sheeple ready even more to be led through the valley of the shadow of financial death by His O'liness to that land of perfect equality: Socialisme!